Arguing in a Healthy Relationship

Hey everyone - honestly looking for advice more than anything. I have my OCD managed pretty well right now thankfully, but there’s always flare ups here and there. Anyways, I’m in a healthy relationship with my boyfriend of over 2 years now. However, year 2 was definitely the year we learned to argue. We got into our first fights and learned to navigate it etc. and we’re at a place now we hardly ever fight, if anything we have little spats as I like to call them. However, we had a little spat the other day, first one we have had in probably a couple months, and I’ve gotten to a place where I’m good at accepting we had one, learning from it and moving on. But, my boyfriend doesn’t move on as much. I think he gets really triggered if we have an argument of basically any kind and he doesn’t want us to argue at all. I mean, I don’t want us to have arguments either, but if they happen every now and then I don’t think it’s a big deal. He on the other hand has this outlook that we just should rarely argue if ever, but I honestly don’t think that’s realistic, and it truthfully puts this anxiety on me. He does come from a family with divorced parents so i do think this is his trauma coming up, but I’m nervous he won’t take that next step (an engagement) if we argue every now and then. Does anyone have any advice? I feel like a spat or argument every now in then is very normal in a relationship, but i think he associates fighting with divorce and breakups. Just not sure how to handle this. I also want to say that we never name call, argue toxically, etc.

OCDeeznutzzz

Date posted: 1y

That is not realistic of him at all. Arguments are healthy as long as both parties are respectful and consider both sides. It sounds like when you argue you approach it in a kind and understanding way. Feeling anger and frustration in a relationship is normal and expected. It is more unhealthy to simply brush everything under the carpet. That is when silent resentment builds and can really hurt the relationship.

AnonMoon

Date posted: 1y

My partner says this, considering we went through the exact same situation you two are currently going through and have effectively communicated through that issue: “I would be worried about arguments too, because I would be connecting arguments with the fear of losing you to losing parents through the divorce. The first step we did to resolve this anxiety over having arguments, is just change it to the word “strong discussions”. The fact of the matter is, if he is willing to communicate in the first place then that means he doesn’t want to lose you, and while his anxiety is completely valid, there needs to be an ability to communicate through these “discussions” and learn from them and be a stronger couple together.“ I hope this was of some help! Having arguments/discussions are healthy and normal :)

ambermayx

Date posted: 1y

Honestly don’t worry arguments are so normal and from what I just read you hardly ever have them! Me and my boyfriend have quite a few arguments /little spats often due to my rocd but we’ve been together over 3years and it doesn’t mean it’s toxic or means you should breakup as long as you both want it enough and want to work through it everything is okay and normal!

Mack3133!

Date posted: 24w

I’m new to the app, wanting feedback?

I’m new to the app and wanting to know who else experiences this form of ocd. Some background I was a therapist for over 10 years now I am out of the clinical space. So I have background knowledge of ocd but never knew much about relationship ocd. I realized over the last several years with my now fiancé, that I have a hard time just letting go in general, whether that’s an argument or statement or feeling. I want to be able to just accept things at face value and move on (and talk later if my partner is ready as needed). But when conflict arises I can’t disengage till there is a clear resolution. It’s causing serious strife as he can feel trapped and it escalates the argument. I am reading more and this sounds like relationship OCD. Anyone else experience this? Curious on what others have done to work on this for themselves. I do have a therapist but we are not doing work in this area yet as I am realizing this is an actual concern.

bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

rocd question about navigating culture

my people in relationships i have a question! i find a lot of like relationship “concepts” that we see online or just within our culture really trigger me. articles, posts, dialogue, friends pretty much anything saying things things like “outgrowing relationships” “you need to date around extensively to find the one” “you’re too young to be in love or settle down” “things my partner does” pretty much anything about advice or just other people’s situations triggers me at times and makes me question a lot!! i know this means i need more confidence in myself which im working on. i’m doing the work to separate my situation from these and i know it’s working because it feels uncomfortable, but i’m wondering if anyone young and in a relationship navigates this. i also feel like this triggering gets worse when im already anxious. recently my partner and i have been having constant spats bc im hesitant to communicate. i feel like im putting pressure on myself bc i really want this to work out to the point where i feel like idk what to do! it’s funny identifying the tricks ocd is playing on me bc i do recognize the irony here but any advice in coping or just experiences helps!!! mwah mwah happy women’s day!!!!

bubbsle

Date posted: 20w

Tips for Anxiety

Hey guys! My boyfriend has said recently that he doesn't know if he's strong enough to continue with our relationship because of my OCD. He wants to see me overcome my symptoms and learn to live a healthy life with OCD, but my anxieties and obsessions are starting to really affect his life. I understand his reasoning, it's hard to see someone you care about struggle with OCD, especially when it starts to affect you too. I'm asking for tips to deal with my compulsions in the relationship. I HAVE to know the answer to things and sometimes that leads into arguments because even with apologies and discussions I can't let things go, even if they genuinely don't matter or are miniscule issues we have. It's a healthy relationship otherwise but I feel horrible because it's impacting him so negatively, that's the absolute last thing I want to happen. I care for him deeply and he cares for me too, so I don't want my OCD to be a reason we break up but I fear it's headed in that direction. I'm starting therapy soon, but until then what are some things I can do to stop my ROCD from impacting him? I know sitting in the guilt and anxiety of not completing my obsessions will help, but I'm wondering if there are other things I can do to maybe remedy some of the damage already done.

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Arguing in a Healthy Relationship

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