Just to know I’m not alone

I’m dealing quite good with my ocd. There are days where I just feel certain about myself and my feelings for my boyfriend. Other days, or even just moments, I am overwhelmed with doubts, like now. If I think about it, I cannot stand to leave my boyfriend, because I feel so safe and loved. All I want to know is that nothing can separate me from him. It’s really hard, sometimes I still think that it’s not ocd but it’s like I’m discovering a part of myself that has been hidden all of this time (I’m 25). Moreover I’m also dealing with past memories that I did not give much importance until now. I do not want this for me. I want to stay with him. I’m also dealing with a lack of attraction sometimes, because if I think about it, I do not get anything, probably because I’m still anxious. Just want to share this with you guys, if someone can relate and write about their current condition it would be very nice to read about you. Hope you are doing well.

Blueberry

Date posted: 1y

I’m struggling with this too. I’m also a struggler of SO-OCD and ROCD. I always feel like a burden around my boyfriend because I’m struggling so much with it, especially recently. I feel so guilty thinking all these things when I’m with him. Just try to remember that these things will eventually pass and try to stay grounded in reality. These thoughts are all in your head and nothing more. Maybe try taking to him about it too if you can. That helps me sometimes when I’m feeling overwhelmed by my intrusive thoughts.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Blueberry Thank you for your words. I struggle either way both the subtypes too, so it means that, when I’m free from my SO-OCD thoughts, the ones regarding the ROCD come to my mind. I can tell it’s so frustrating. But when I’m with my boyfriend everything seems to calm down a bit. I don’t mean that all of my thoughts disappear, but they are more manageable because I’m with him and I feel so good that I’m not thinking about anything.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I feel this way exactly!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Do you have a boyfriend too?

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Yes, and I feel so much of the same things that you described in your original post and your replies! I don’t have any advice or anything unfortunately, just wanted to say this because we are definitely not alone!

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

Comment deleted by user

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Ilovemyhusband0322 Thank you for your beautiful words. I know that when I feel anxious I’m not able to understand anything. I’ve noticed that, if I’m busy with something else, like study, work, or with my friends, and this thought comes to my mind, I feel like it’s not true at all. But then when I’m alone, the rumination starts agains. This time it happened because a scene in a tv series that triggered me so much. I really hope to get better as soon as possible, and to reach 10 years and more with my boyfriend as you’ll do.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Moreover, if I imagine myself with a girl it doesn’t seem right for me. But then I start thinking that it’s only because society taught us to be like that, and then the rumination starts again. When I look at men I feel a pleasure at looking at them, whereas when I look at girls, I feel like a feeling of an anxiety, not pleasure

f7nn

Date posted: 24w

My current predicament

Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too

EmmaGrace27

Date posted: 13w

ROCD doing better

So I talked to my therapist about some things, and I’m doing a lot better. I’ve realized I’m obsessed with infatuation and feelings. When I expect to feel really goodly eyed over my boyfriend I don’t, sometimes I am most of the time I’m not. However I cuddle him, have desires for sex with him, I love him, I love being with him, he’s funny, his personality is attractive. I also want my physical attraction to grow. I’m afraid if I don’t look at him an ogle that it means I should be with someone I can do that with.But physical attraction is fleeting. He’s amazing he should be the father of my kids, I am not wanting to give up. This is half ocd half not. I wand to feel a certain way but honesty ? I have to allow myself to feel these things and stop fearing. Like allow myself to reflect on his heart and the things I love instead of focusing on obsessing over something I don’t like.

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 13w

so ocd and bisexuality

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

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