I hate my job so bad. Anyone else w similar exp?

I feel so burnt out. I’m not enjoying life anymore. I’m either extremely bored, sad, pr anxious at work, I come home and don’t even want to cook, watch Netflix but don’t even want to watch anything, and just want to crawl in bed, cry, and go to bed. I don’t want to do anything and work, chores, cooking, etc. are extremely hard for me to do. I compare myself to my roomate who works from home, is accomplished in her job, cooks a lot, enjoys tv, and way more extroverted and mature than I am. Sometimes it gets annoying and it’s the last thing I need. She sometimes “mothers” me and makes sure I know what I’m doing in the kitchen. I feel like I can’t talk to an erp therapist about things like this because I think it’s more than just erp therapy that I need. I’m struggling to take care of myself and don’t enjoy things anymore. I’m scared but feel numb about the future. I’m just exhausted, annoyed, and bored all the time. I also feel like I don’t like myself and judge myself constantly. I wish I could be more confident, have a more fun personality, felt motivated to do things, actually enjoy them, and have friends and family who would 100% understand me. I also wish I was more so a leader but I’m not. How can I live a more exciting life? I’m so bored and depressed everyday. I hate it.

I have had OCD all of my life. It affects absolutely everything I do. Those of you that have it know exactly what I mean. I'm a 50 year old male and I have been on meds for 30 plus years. Most days I'm fine, except for a bit of compulsive checking. Lately, I have been absolutely overwhelmed with my job, which I absolutely hate. I have been at it for over 14 years. I'm at the point of a nervous breakdown and feel so terrible and ashamed for my poor wife having to deal with my emotions. I feel like a failure of a man and husband, though she's always by my side. I'm currently looking for new work but my OCD just accentuates everything. Lately, whenever I'm about to clock on for the day I nearly have a panic attack. And over what? A stupid job that would replace me in a heartbeat?? They have already led on that I'm not too far from that. OCD just makes everything soo damn big. Instead of realizing it's just time to move on and just take the necessary steps to do so, I Instead overthink and panic. This is my current struggle. Just wanted to share. Soo damn tired that all I think about is retirement. I'm just wishing my life away to the age when I'll seemingly be more at peace. Thanks for reading.

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..