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Over the last two or three years I experienced many life changing events. First, I graduated college after taking 11 years to complete my degree due to having dyslexia and processing and developmental delays. Second, I finally garnered the confidence to get my driver's license in my early thirties and eventually bought my own and my first car. Third, I was lucky enough to have enough money saved up to buy my first home. It had not been long before my family noticed that I was taking longer in the shower than maybe I intended. I found myself washing my body and hair four times each and still not feeling clean. This evolved to being ultra sensitive to smells and germs regardless of if they were on my body or not. I wash my hands till they are red and raw. I have avoided going outside or even going to my house and garage. On top of that, if anyone mentions me needing to go outside, whether in my car or not, I get this stinging and tingling feeling all over my body that feels like my skin is burning or on fire. After a rough conversation with my mom, I now can get a hold of it and only feel clean if I run through a checklist of convincing myself that my hair, body, hands, and feet are all clean after a shower and before I get into bed at night. I have never done this before in my life but I feel like its gotten to the point that I have an anxiety attack and my skin feels like it is burning from the inside if I think about even just sitting outside with my dog. I have never been diagnosed or even treated for OCD, but I'm hoping through an OCD therapist, I can get the help I need.

Username: KpikaKpika

Date posted: 37w ago

I have same issue like yours, i wasn't aware it was ocd until i did some research and found it had a term and called OCD. Im not diagnosed yet but im know its ocd. I was my hand till my hands skin flakes and it hurts cause it becomes so dry and looks like it has small cuts if i turn my hand due to the dryness. My hand and skin look like its an old lady skin to be honest😔 I have this checklist or 'rituals' they called it when i wash my hand or shower. If i don't follow i get so much anxiety to a point my day is ruined. Im still struggling, hope to recover someday and i hope you too recover. I also learned along the way this ocd comes from some reason, like mine im so afraid that i may hurt others or contaminate something that may harm or kill others. I just cant take the fact i may be the reason for it. Thinking about the guilt itself will kill me. Yours might have a source, maybe you identify it? But of course do get some help! Gosh this ocd is really a silent torture that hard to explain 😪

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

@Kpika My hands are raw as well. I am anxious also if I can’t remember what I did 5 seconds before, so I go back and do it again. When I don’t do it again, my OCD forgets about it. I think doing it over and over keeps a hold on it. We have to not let it grasp our minds and it will go away. I’m trying not to do the compulsions, or rechecking. The more you don’t, the easier it gets s I believe mine is due to stress and anxiety. If I’m calm, it doesn’t flair up as much. I pray for healing everyday. I pray that you get well soon. When I’m feeling anxious. I ask Jesus to give me strength mind and body. 🙏

Username: Inner PeaceInner Peace

Date posted: 36w ago

I experience the same thing with my hands. They get red and flaky and it does hurt. I do not necessarily feel my day is ruined, but I do feel an extreme amount of shame. It sounds like yours is really tough. I don't worry about possibly harming or killing others, I just worry that I won't get smells or germs off my body and hair when I shower. I hope you recover too. Do you have good days and bad days?

Username: KpikaKpika

Date posted: 36w ago

@Inner Peace Im glad you can control it and please keep it under control. Mine get worse day by day. Starting from hand wash to various repetitive rituals. I somehow manage to hide this behaviour around people, due to shame maybe i will limit it around strangers or my relatives to certain extend although my head and anxiety explode in myself. Im not sure what you mean my good days or bad days. My rituals are the same everyday and i can only manage to limit it if im alone to certain extend and tat is my good days.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

I have the same issues. I don’t leave the house. It’s very isolating. I’ve been going out once or twice a day to walk around my yard or to the mailbox. It actually makes me feel like I’m part of the works again. I listen to nature and look around at the beautiful trees and flowers all in bloom. It kind of helps to keep you feeling like yourself again. Just keep doing it. As far as washing, I set a timer for myself and make a list. What I do when I get in the shower. I go through it once, then I rinse over and quickly shut off the water and get out. I move on to other things and then soon forget about it, I had this issue especially when I went to the bathroom. I would jump in a shower after going. Now, only in the morning or evening. Usually morning. This contamination stuff is all new to me. It just creeped up on my one day! I’ve also never had this. I can’t even play with my dogs anymore. I’m afraid to leave my house because I won’t use a public restroom. I’m working on things with my therapist and ERP. I haven’t seen a huge difference yet, but it definitely is helping me not to overthink. I started this about 3 weeks ago I believe. You just have to keep at it. Do the stuff that makes you anxious over and over until it isn’t a big deal anymore. Soon you won’t think about it so much. I can’t wait for that to happen. It consumes my whole life.

Username: Inner PeaceInner Peace

Date posted: 37w ago

Does anyone have any suggestions. This is a very isolating and lonely feeling!

Username: LeslieB3LeslieB3

Date posted: 36w ago

hey, it sounds like you've been through a lot of big life changes and achievements lately, which is amazing, but i can also hear how tough things have been with the anxiety and the rituals you're experiencing. it's really brave of you to reach out and share what's been going on, especially considering how overwhelming these feelings must be. 💪 it's a big step recognizing that you might need some support with this. by the way, have you heard about this new AI-powered OCD therapy tool called 'unstuck?' when i was struggling, my nocd therapist recommended this free AI OCD therapy tool to me (unstuckmyocd.com/try), and it honestly made a big difference. i think it'll be especially helpful for you because it offers personalized step-by-step support for dealing with OCD, kind of like having an OCD therapist in your pocket for those moments when the anxiety and rituals feel unmanageable. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: PhillipFillip1PhillipFillip1

Date posted: 36w ago

Seconding this!!!! The unstuck app is the best thing on my phone for my OCD

Username: TofuIndulger

Date posted: 1y ago

Stuck

Hey everyone. This is my first post here and it’s probably going to be a long one because I guess I feel comfortable enough to be open here. I need help. When I first got diagnosed with OCD, I figured it only impacted a small part of my life. I thought I was only affected with compulsions and obsessions that dealt with contamination, tangible perfectionism and the obvious intrusive thoughts and that’s it. Well, I’ve come to realize that most of my thinking has been impacted by OCD. At this point the only way to describe how it feels to me is a forest of thorny vines growing in place of my mind or maybe through and around my brain constantly growing every-time I give into this type of thinking (which is basically all the time because I wasn’t aware this was OCD). I’ve definitely felt it more recently, but I know it’s always been there from what I recall from past memories. I got diagnosed not so long ago with OCD and I was happy to because it explained this thing I knew was wrong with me but I didn’t know how much it will and has impacted me in the past. So, I think I’ve created a matrix in my mind or strengthened the OCD thought patterns because now I feel like my OCD impacts everything I do. And I guess I’m saying I need help here because maybe you guys will be able to see it, maybe validate me and point me where I can get help. I’ve been telling the people around me, I think my thinking is disordered and I need help but I don’t think they really understand the amount it’s affecting me or grasp what I meant when I say “I Need Help”. I did have a therapist before but because of a insurance change, she can’t work with me anymore and I’m not sure when I’ll get another (just to clarify). Back to the matter, the past couple of months I’ve been in my head just thinking and thinking. About everything. To the point where my head starts to hurt or until I feel sick of thinking about it but I can’t. I find that’s my obsessions and compulsions (other than the need for order [which can also be mental]) are very mentally based and I find myself ashamed of them so I hide them so maybe that’s why the people around me don’t feel my need for getting help as much as I do. Anyways, examples of this have been, -constantly thinking about what’s the purpose of all of life and the hidden messages in life -feeling like if I don’t do everything perfectly then what the point or being very mad at myself -being obsessed with how I present to the rest of the world sometimes even in close relationships -having calculated movements and actions (having to move my body a certain way or it doesn’t feel right) -obsessing over an absolute truth -questioning friendships and other relationships - obsessing over achievements or failures -obsessing over people -obsessing over decisions and outcomes because I want to make the perfect decisions I could go on and on but basically it’s just a lot of thinking and ruminating and obsessing to the point where people tell me I look like I’m some where else all the time. And I’ve started to feel like I find comfort in it now. I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I feel like it’s all just OCD. And same goes for my dissociation. I feel like they all root from my OCD. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time and without my therapist I feel like I’m stuck here. I can’t make decisions, I’m never present, I can’t make or keep friendships/ relationships, everything impacts me deeply because I create a emotional obsession to it, I can’t just be without questioning everything and I’m constantly in my head. I’ve also started getting high all the time because I feel like it’s the only way to escape my brain but I’ve felt like it’s getting out of hand. I’m starting to lose in any type of hope of getting better. Does anyone have an advice for working on OCD by yourself or identifying when it’s OCD (especially mental obsessions and compulsions) so I can start to chip at this boulder that’s weighing down my life and energy?

Username: lydluna

Date posted: 1y ago

My journey

Hi everyone. I have PANS OCD and had it early as a child around 5. It was debilitating I went though counting, contamination OCD even thinking family members were contaminated, hand washing till my hands were raw and more I had a good childhood but it was heavily OCD based which stinks. I am now 25 and have had manageable OCD throughout the last 10 ish years. Up till late last year I got it back again worse than ever.. I am now worried about asbestos and mold and lead and household things we moved into an older home and it’s been awful. I also worry constantly 24/7 about death… also We don’t have any of those materials In our home but my OCD won’t leave me alone. I went into treatment didn’t sleep the 4 days I was there and checked myself out, I instantly regretted it and tried going back but they wouldn’t let me back right away unfortunately. I am seeing my therapist once a week and trying to live life as an adult with OCD it never fully went away but it was so manageable and now I need to learn to live with crippling OCD all over again if anyone has any advice or relates to this please comment so we can talk. Thanks Lydia

Username: brokengirl

Date posted: 1y ago

Tell me your story

I want to heart about your OCD story. Please use this comment section as a safe space where we can all share our struggles, and find those who relate to us. I’ll go first. When I was 13 years old, I went through one of the toughest years of my life. It was awful. My anxiety was on full and my depression followed wherever I went. I started to do compulsions then. Checking, double checking, triple checking. Whether it was an email, an essay I wrote, the lock, the hair straighter etc etc etc. I used to seek reassurance from someone, who is to this day my best friend. I was so embarrassed when I would do it, but I felt like I had to. I would cry myself to sleep. I didn’t know I had OCD. When I was 16 and learning about mental illnesses in class, I remember listening to a group presentation on OCD. From there, I knew what was wrong with me. My OCD died down when I was 14, yet I vividly remembered the struggle. At 18 years old, right after graduating high school (just recently), my OCD came back at full force. It seems like it accompanies my anxiety when it reaches a level beyond the scale. Every morning I wake up, and I’m scared to go about my day. Whether I’m reading, driving, painting, talking or anything, I’m constantly scared of what my OCD will do. I’m scared of my own brain. I hope we can all someday think of OCD as just a memory. Thank you. ❤️

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