The more I try to ignore the ocd and just live my life and let the intrusive thoughts, memories my ocd tries to alter, and false memories it creates flow without reacting to it, the worse it’s getting. I can’t do this anymore😩
I'm really struggling too! I don't know how to do this. I feel your pain I'm with you 😔 I'm really sorry. Do you want to talk more?
@SarahRF Thank you and i’m sorry you’re going through this too. I just feel like the harder I try not to let my ocd be in control and I get stronger, the ocd gets worse and I feel so defeated and exhausted.
@xokyaxo I don't know, but do you think it can feel worse at first when we are doing what we are supposed to do with the intrusive thoughts, by letting them be there without fighting? Do you think it might feel worse because we aren't doing the compulsions to make ourselves feel better and we aren't trying to avoid the thoughts? Because I don't know about you but my thoughts are so scary and really painful. If I let them be there it feels awful and scary. Maybe for you it seems like it's getting worse because you aren't avoiding the thoughta but you're doing the right thing. Maybe?
@SarahRF My thoughts are scary and painful too when I let them just be there. My ocd will also try to make an innocent memory seem like something horrible or create false memories and the more I try to not react or give it any attention the worse thoughts my ocd comes up with. They say that’s normal when you are doing the right thing but it makes it so hard not to fight it and do compulsions. I don’t know how people are able to just ignore it. I’m really struggling.
@xokyaxo I don't know how to ignore it yet either. And it does make it hard not to fight it and do compulsions because it hurts so much. I really feel that :( <3
@xokyaxo How are you doing today?
@SarahRF Same but trying. How about you?
@xokyaxo Same but trying as well 🩷 It is painful and it's scary. I know. That's how it's feeling for me
@SarahRF Maybe we can be a support to each other. Check in here every day with each other incase one of us needs to talk and if we start feeling better we can tell the other how we did it?
@xokyaxo Yeah I like that idea 😊 Also I noticed on another post of yours that you had a baby. I'm currently pregnant, I'm almost 15 weeks. I've struggled with OCD and anxiety before, but at about 6 weeks pregnant it was like a switch flipped and it's like I've been triggered ever since. Maybe what I'm going to through is perinatal OCD. Although my scary intrusive thoughts aren't even about the baby, so sometimes that makes me feel alone and confused because when people take about perinatal OCD I see it's mostly about the baby.
@SarahRF It’s only mostly about the baby for moms like me who develop ocd from giving birth and then can change themes or moms who had ocd but when the baby is born the ocd latches on to the baby because it goes after the ones we love and our values. I have been through the worst perinatal ocd so I am here for you if you need me.
@xokyaxo Mine has latched onto my husband ❤️😔
@SarahRF Yes it’s so painful. It will latch on to those we love the most and our morals.
@xokyaxo Like you and your baby? ❤️
@SarahRF Yes. 😞 I just kept telling myself that I love my child and ocd is a liar.
@xokyaxo Not trying to give you reassurance (which is evidently counter-productive for OCD recovery), but I can guarantee you love your child. You're even kind to a stranger like me. :) And your OCD subset, I've actually felt before. Not to the extent that you are feeling it, and I am so so sorry, because just the little I struggled with it was very scary. I worked in a childcare center, and one day I had a thought about it and it scared me quite a bit. I had to work through it with my therapist.
@SarahRF Thank you. Congrats on the pregnancy by the way! yes I have learned that ocd is very capable of hurting us in any way it can and keeping us in a loop of thoughts and themes and false memories. It makes us doubt ourselves. It helps so much to talk to someone that understands and has been through it or similar.
@xokyaxo I agree it helps to talk to someone who understands! And thank you 😊 How old is your baby? Boy or girl? I'm having a girl. We got a DNA blood test done when I was 12 weeks.
@SarahRF I have a girl who’s a little older now and a son. It’s so exciting that we have blood tests now that can tell us what we’re having.
@xokyaxo How are you doing today?
@SarahRF Hey! I’m not good. Yesterday I had a good day and was busy but today not so good. I hope you are doing better than me today.
@xokyaxo I'm sorry for such a long delay in responding. You know, the past couple of days I've had evenings where I felt some relief and I actually could enjoy myself. And then I don't feel like that the next morning. It's very discouraging. I haven't felt great today either. And I'm really sorry that you aren't feeling good today. Has it gotten any better as the day went on? Also why don't they have private messaging on this app
@SarahRF I don’t think they have private messaging. I could be wrong but I haven’t seen the option. Is there another platform we can chat that you prefer?
@xokyaxo It's ok I just think it's strange. Other apps I've seen that are kind of like this have private messaging. If it doesn't bother you, I'm fine with it.
@xokyaxo Thinking about you and I hope you're doing alright today? 🩷
@xokyaxo Hey 🩷 how have you been doing? Thinking about you
I can definitely empathise. We fight so hard with these thoughts trying to figure them out and prove them wrong. I’ve been doing that too but recently I just got so exhausted with it all I kind of said “ you know what, I can’t do this anymore, you win ocd” I’ve just stopped fighting with my brain as I know I’m never going to win, ocd won’t ever let us win. What’s really strange is since I did that I’ve felt so much calmer. I haven’t accepted the thoughts as true but I’m just not fighting with them anymore. They’re still there and keep popping up trying to get my attention but then I remember how much calmer I feel when I’m not fighting with them and gently let go again. It’s hard I know. Keep at it.
I been dealing with OCD my entire life but recently I been finding it really difficult to find the slightest relief. I know it’s not good to do but I been trying not to think of the thoughts but of course they come back even stronger. Does anyone know what I could do in the meanwhile ? Thank you
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
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