- Date posted
- 1y
New theme?
Over the last month I have been struggling with harm and real event ocd. I just received my diagnosis the other day. I am in constant doubt and can’t stop ruminating over my childhood behaviors and feel that everything I have is validated. I keep fearing I’m gonna be some kind of psychopath and do something bad when I don’t wanna hurt anyone. While I’ve been ruminating I’ve become obsessed with researching different mental illnesses that I feel I match perfectly with. I’m starting to worry I have aspd, bpd, and npd. I especially have been ruminating over I act in my relationship of almost 3 years. I have a lot of bpd tendencies and ruminating over how easily I am set off and get frustrated makes me feel like the worst gf ever. I have a constant fear of being cheated on and dumped so small things that happen tend to upset me and make me jealous. I realize afterwards that my emotions run a little too high when this happens and I feel like I switch from being sweet to a b**ch. now I can’t stop telling myself that my bf deserves so much better than a piece of s**t like me. He’s been the only person I’ve been with that treats me right and I feel like I’m some kind of mentally Ill psychopath. I feel like I have every trait that puts me in all categories for severe personality disorders and I’m honestly terrified and this is becoming a kind of obsession. Reading the comments to all kinds of videos about these disorders makes me feel like I don’t deserve anyone especially not the amazing person I’m with now. Idk if this is the ocd or a point or realization that I really am this bad of a person. Is this some new ocd theme or what? I’m ready to give up on life entirely I feel so horrible.