Date posted: 1y

Intrusive Thoughts And Worry

I’ve been suffering with pure ocd for the past 8-9 months with ups and downs, which has been impacting everything, I’ve tried my best to convince myself to identify that they’re only thoughts and don’t define me, but the fact their pure and I just have mental compulsions is so draining, I feel like I can’t take this anymore, and the doubt that comes along with it is so bad, I’ve also been on meds which haven’t helped at all, still feeling depressed and anxious all the time. Yesterday, I read how someone having was having thoughts regarding kids, I now fear that I’ll get the same which I really don’t want and now just constantly ruminating over that, im constantly just worried about my future, career and relationships as I’ve always wanted to do a lot of things in life, and the past year has been hell for me, I dunno what to do anymore? I’ve got a month till I’m seeing a private therapist, does this ever get better , I just wanna be myself again without these thoughts bothering me all the time and that feeling of having to be scared of them coming into my mind, and not having to life with the doubts. I also get thoughts of ending it all, but that’s now what I want but I feel so trapped in my own head. Please does anyone have advice, I’ve tried everything, meditation, medication, trying to convince myself it’s just my mind, but I can’t stop the worry and just accept the intrusive thoughts without feeling so distressed.

Andrewmz

Date posted: 1y

You know I have been dealing exactly with what you described for the past month and a half. This is my third relapse in 10 years. I even wrote journals entries from 3 years ago when I released. Lmao reading my journal entries, I’m like “wtf, the same way I feel now is exactly how I felt three years ago? Why is this time so different?” It’s frustrating, trust me I know. I have been going back and forth back and forth with my brain. It’s draining as hell. Like “can I just live a normal life please?” I finally had the courage to open up to my GF today which was very hard for me. I’ve always felt like a man should never show his emotions to the women he’s dating. But you know what? My GF said the most simple and yet most profound thing. All she said was “Andrew, let it go.” Honestly, I’m not 100% better, but I feel much better tonight. Than I have in the past month and half. Honestly brother, it’s just that simple let it go. Whatever happens, happens. Stop trying to control it. This is something that helped me. Do this. Make both your hands into fists. Grip as hard as you can. Then hold it. Hold it until like your arms are burning. Then watch this. Release your hands back into normal. But do it slowly. You will feel all that tension just disappear and it’s reliving. Honestly, our brains are so good at imagining ridiculous crap about the future or the past. So use that to your advantage. Imagine you trying to control your thoughts and everything as the tightness you were applying to your hands. Visualize it. Then just let go of the control like you did when you released your grip on your hands. Just let go. Trust me. I will leave you with this quote that has helped me too brother: “We suffer more in imagination, than we do in reality.” Sit with that and ponder it. Everything will slowly make sense. You got this brother! Sending Love ❤️

Date posted: 1y

@Andrewmz It’s so draining, and I emotionally feel like such a different person to what I was, I can’t live my life like this, thanks for the tips, and yeah im not the type of guy to speak to girls about my emotions, I just wanna be the old me again without any worry and these thoughts constantly bothering me, I’ve got exams which are also being impacted cause of this, i was so driven to do well in life but I’ve lost it all, im only 18 and I’ve got the perfect life in terms of socially and relationships

120

Date posted: 1y

I’m also dealing with a lot of Pure O mental compulsions that nothing seems to be working on, I can agree they are awful and you’re not alone. The best I can do about it right now is just keep going as much as my mind torments me

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

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OCDFamily

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Ugh so sorry you are going through this. "Overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts" is a good book. Dr Reid Wilson has good videos.

Adi7

Date posted: 20w

Advice please ❤️

Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️‍🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️‍🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔

Anonymous

Date posted: 18w

Feel lost and without hope

I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 16w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

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