The other day I was in the kitchen and the children I work with were in a rush and I was trying to push them out of the kitchen. When that happened, I was nudging them out with my hands and legs. When I was nudging a child forward, I noticed a sensation in my leg near my crotch area that I was pushing, but it wasn’t gratification and it wasn’t sexual. But I feel awful because I recognized the sensation but didn’t move my body. I continued to push forward. Now I feel like I’ve committed a heinous crime. When it happened it was very subconscious and unaware. I was not imploring myself to do anything else or really anything at all. It was just that weird feeling in my leg but I still feel awful that for 2 seconds I continued to push them forward. It’s driving me insane that I feel like I tried to continue to push forward. Now that I’m writing this, I can recognize that I was not trying to be weird or anything and I think my mind is tricking me. But it still SUCKS!!!!!!! I hate having OCD!!!!! I know I didn’t do anything and I’m a good person. But I don’t know how to be comfortable with this one.

Ok so I’ve been kind of upset about this all day so I figured I would share this. I’m really nervous doing it because I don’t want to get judged for it. I feel so guilty about it all the time. So a couple of years ago I was babysitting a family friends kid, and they were crawling all over me, jumping up and down, and I wound up having a groinal response (I really don’t wanna say the kind.) I kind of put it in the back of my mind and forgot about it, but around last year I remembered and latched onto it and it threw me into my OCD spiral. I remembered this happened maybe two other times before that, and of course I felt weird and guilty by it. I didn’t experience any sexual arousal, yet this happened to me. I always had sexually intrusive thoughts ever since I was a little kid, so perhaps I was just having a groinal response to when that was happening because I was thinking “omg what if...” or whatever, but of course I can’t remember my thoughts. Now I know what a groinal response is and that they come in all shapes and sizes (lol) but because this happened *before* I realized I had POCD, my brain has convinced me that it was some kind of genuine attraction and that I wanted to do something bad

TW!! POCD Please help. I’ve been doing decent lately but just need support on something that has kept me stuck. I can’t tell if this is a real memory or not, but I’m pretty sure it is. Maybe distorted. But feels so real. And I’m terrified. Last year before my huge OCD spike. So before I even knew I had OCD. I remember being around kids at work, and this girl in a skirt was on a climber on the playground and I remember looking up and you could see her underwear. I remember staring for a minute, and it was kind of like a car accident, I couldn’t look away. I remember finally coming to my senses and saying I wonder what people would think if they knew I was doing this. After that, I completely forgot about it until my spike in October and I’ve been living in a prison of regret and guilt ever since. I sometimes see that child at work still and I get a rush of anxiety and guilt. I just don’t know how to move pass this, for this reason it gives my OCD proof that I am what I fear so much. Is it possible that I was experiencing intrusive thoughts then and just didn’t care enough or realize it. I’m so broken from this. I hate what I’m going through. I hate myself if this memory is real.

Ok, so I’m looking into past events…. So, I worked at a preschool and a little boy held onto my leg but I got a bad thought but still let my legs go apart to let him hug my leg. I feel awful cause I was thinking how his hands could’ve possibly hit my upper genital area…. I remember worrying about it back then and I’m still worrying about it to this day. Also, I remember thinking how this little girl may end up hitting my area if I don’t move. I didn’t move and felt awful cause I knew it would happen… it has bothered me ever since! I don’t know if that makes me an awful person. Was I taking away innocence of children by not moving?