When your OCD says you SA'ed a girl online, and you cant even remember all the details fully to dispute these intrusive thoughts, it genuinely hurts because I dont even know what to trust within myself...
As some one with pure ocd , it is hard but you kind of have to learn that the ocd thoughts don’t mean anything there are just intrusive thoughts. I am sorry your are feeling unsure if you can trust your self.  When I was younger, I felt huge distrust from my intrusive thoughts, because I thought I was going to hurt my family because of them before I know I had pure ocd. I faceed my fears by hanging out with my family and that helped me get rid of a lot of the distrust I was feeling. I had to learn not to feel shame or that my OCD thoughts are not part of my character, and when I excepted that I felt a lot better. I hope this was helpful. Stay strong
@Brooke cookie Thank you... ive posted about my situation, but its genuinely been such a tough time...
@Givenup I know ocd can be very hard very stressful and painful. I have had years of pain from it myself. While it is slow if work you on your ocd you can heal slowly.
@Brooke cookie Over half a year ago, This girl wanted me to roleplay a CNC scene with her and to not ask the next time we chatted online I believe... (i cant remember if this happened or not) When we started doing that the next time we met, she suddenly left the chat. So Im scared on if consent wasnt given. I remember her saying that she got booted the next time I talked to her, and asking if she wanted to continue where we left off, but im not too sure and I cant recollect it... as a part of the roleplay, she would say things like "stop" and I think she roleplayed her movements but I dont remember if this was a part of the roleplay, or her genuinely telling me to stop... my friend on the explicit chat site says that since its been over 6 months, that I most likely didnt do anything to hurt her and that I should move on, but my intrusive thoughts keep saying that I violated this womans consent, when a womans consent is the most important thing to me... my harm ocd keeps saying I SA'ed the woman and intrusive thoughts of her saying this and I just throw up every time...
@Givenup From what I understand from what you told me it seems like she likes that kind of interaction so you should be good. But unless you really enjoy that kind of thing with OCD that would drive me nuts, I would not want someone to give me mixed signals or act like I was hurting then. I would say no thanks I don’t feel comfortable, so I would have worry about it. Either way your fine , but that can be risky if the girl later says she did not want that. 
@Brooke cookie I dont remember everything fully... and it makes me doubt if im even remembering everything properly... im genuinely triggered... i dont ever want to violate a womans consent in any way... its one of my biggest fears
@Brooke cookie And I personally dont enjoy CNC at all...
@Givenup That’s your OCD making you think that you secretly did something if she wanted to leave since it’s online she could just left. You sound like I good person,I hope you find someone that makes you happy and two have a good healthy relationship
@Brooke cookie I want to be a good person... thats all I can ask for... just be with a beautiful woman my age, and live a normal happy life...
@Givenup I see ,attractive person talked you in doing something you didn’t wanna do. Been there dated guy who talk to me in the wearing more scandalous outfits that I would’ve liked to of been wearing. i’ve learned that if people ask you to do stuff, you don’t want to do no matter how attractive they are just say no.
@Givenup You can find somebody just keep trying. You might want to try a different approach than those online dating though just from personal experience, you only get kind of interesting people on those.
Look, the best thing for you to do is to ignore it even if it’s hard you don’t know if it’s false memories or not so it’s best to leave it be and learn from ur mistake or mistakes we’re human we learn and grow
@d3adpan_ I hope i havent SA'ed a girl online... thats the last thing I want to do...
@Givenup If you know that’s not something you will do then I think ur good! Now obviously I’m not you who’s feeling anxiety and reassurance seeking but srsly dude listen to ur heart and ur morals! Don’t let ocd screw over!
@d3adpan_ Screw you over!*
Tw Ocd has always manifested itself in different forms in my life. The fact that this memory came to me literally destroyed 4 months of my life with constant doubt, fear, guilt, the desire to commit suicide. Living with this fear for 4. Months wondering if I really did it? If it really happened and I really SA’d this person or it really happened and the ocd is trying to make me look like the wrong person? The fact that the old things I did when I was little are coming back makes me even more scared. Sometimes, I tell myself, what if I really didn't have the ocd and I'd just really done it? I talk about this event as if I'd really done it when, I don't even know if it's true or not and that scares me even more because I tell myself that if I talk about it as if I'd really done it, well maybe I really did it? I live with this enormous fear of having done it and of being seen everywhere as someone who has committed a cocsa . My ocd deteriorates at night with suicidal crises. I don't have anyone to talk to because I'm afraid people will think I'm weird or judge me. I'm always afraid of tomorrow, I go to bed with a heavy heart and I wake up with a heavy heart and the fear that I've done it, I'm afraid of waking up one day and finding out that I've really done it, like why can't I trust my brain? Why can't I remember? And even though I know I didn't do it or I'm certain of it (I prayed for it and I received a wave of peace), I'll always have this doubt in my head and it will come back even worse . Every time I hear the words rape, assault, violence, I feel so bad and I feel targeted, if it's triggering me and I feel bad and I wonder if it has anything to do with my memory or if it means that I really did it. I'm French and I don't know if the psychiatrists here know this subtype. I'm afraid that my psychiatrist won't know and will judge me.
18+ i was having intimacy with my lover. i was frustrated and i had a thought like "hurt her physically", i think i Remember not agreeing with it. i didn't hurt my lover they were fine they never felt hurt physically, but im afraid i might have done some action with the intention to hurt them but maybe i wasn't violent enough? idk. i don't remember any action with that intention so that's that. it happened like a couple of hours ago and im afraid i forgot about it. also, i get anxious because sometimes when i have intrusive thoughts i kind of act on it? not as in like doing what the intrusive thoughts tells me, but something similar that is better in a way? like today i had a thought like "grope your lover in public" but instead of doing that i just squeezed their waist. so idk im afraid i might have done something similar here
Hey everyone, I’m still struggling a bit with false memory ocd. Mine revolves around my relationship. There are some things I have remembered that occurred early on in the relationship, whether someone texted me on Snapchat or TikTok etc. and it was old friends of mine from a friend group. In the friend group it was me and about couple guys and girls. I remember there being an instance where one of the guys had messaged me on Snapchat after I had posted something about a tv show or I had posted a picture of me and my mom and they reached out to me saying something and I honestly can’t remember at all what they had said to me but I’m pretty sure i remember I responded with “Lol” or “Thank you” , and I think the reason I’m really struggling right now is that I can’t remember hardly anything about the text at all. And of course, my ocd is trying to convince me that it was either a flirty chat, or something else. I also want to mention that I unadded a lot of people off my snap, mostly guys on TikTok etc after dating my boyfriend because I felt like that was respectful. And even after doing that, my OCD was trying to convince me that I un added them because I was hiding something or I was on adding them because I didn’t want my boyfriend to see that they were on my Snapchat, which was not the case at all. I think I’m just really struggling because I think about past events that have happened in my mind is trying to convince me that something else happened, rather than allowing me to remember what actually went on. I just wanted to come on here and ask if anyone else struggles with something like this because it’s been really bothering me the past couple days and I know I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend because I love him so much it’s just I freak out constantly, and it bothers me a lot.
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