SOOCD and married

So I am a married woman to my wonderful husband m. I deal w it h HOCD and ROCD & a bucket list of other things. I will randomly start to worry and wonder “oh god what if I’m gay?” “Am I gay?” And so on and so forth. I have been doing therapy and I don’t have many images any more. But I still get these stupid intrusive thoughts. I feel like such a shi$&y wife because I can sit here and tell you 100% I’m not gay at any point. But it’s like a fear or doubt that I could be in denial. I was raised with a strict upbringing and my sister is gay. The 1st time I had these thoughts was 3 years ago right after we got engaged and I could have ripped my heart out I felt so horrible. I feel that if you were in denial then you would know. Mine is I’ll be looking out a window and it’s like a bomb explodes in my brain. Anyone else deal with this? Also my OCD has started to pick on me about having a baby. My husband and I have been married 2 years and together for 5. “How do you know that you’re ready? What if you can’t have kids? What if you do have kids and it dies? What if it pulls you and him apart?” I mean OCD you’re a real SOB.

To those with SOOCD, Do any of you obsess more about the romantic side of things? I am married to my amazing hubby. But I have questions in my mind like "what if I am bi? What if I could just as easily be with a woman like I can with a man?" I hate these thoughts!

For as long as i can remember i have always been boy crazy. I have always had crushes on men, had sexual interactions with them, etc. I’ve never thought about a woman in that way. I remember around 2021 I had a “what if I were gay?” thought but after around a week it went away. Now the thought is back but 100x worse. Mid December 2023 i suddenly got the thoughts again. I can’t really pinpoint what triggered it, but it may have been the TV show I was watching. In the show a woman around her 30’s dated men and even married one but then all the sudden ended up marrying a woman later on. I starting to think “what if that happens to me?” I couldn’t fall asleep for days and would cry throughout the day. I eventually told my mom about this as I kept having anxiety attacks and she said well if you don’t only like men then that’s ok. But the thing is that I want to like men. I’ve always imagined my life with a husband and kids. I don’t understand how something like this could happen basically overnight. I used started therapy for my anxiety but how do I bring this topic up? Does anyone who has soocd/hocd think this sounds like ocd or could I really just be in denial. My days now consist of these persistent thoughts. I’m always on here or reddit/quora looking up my symptoms to see if anyone else feels the same. i don’t wanna feel like this anymore. i wanna go back to november when i didn’t have these thoughts. I’m still having the thoughts about a month later but the anxiety isn’t as bad which is making me feel worse. i feel like i should be more anxious considering i want to be straight. this isn’t me.