So lost

My hocd has been acting up again. Now I get anxious thoughts with my boyfriend sexual and everything. Maybe because I am in my head I have to always feel turned on other way I am lesbian. So now I get REALLY anxious about those thoughts. When i get thoughts about lesbians I feel like I don’t feel same anxiety and just get groinal. So yeah it feels so real now and I just want to cry. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend because of this. I was so happy with 7 months and then my ocd started to again with hocd and rocd. So it feels so stupid to think I am lesbian because I love him and everything was fine before these thoughts. But it feels real because now I get anxious thoughts with my boyfriend and not other girls. I hate this I really hope this would end. I have had hocd before and I remember it was same but it’s doesn’t help how I feel.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

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Asnku

Date posted: 1y

@banana142 Yeah like it makes so much sense. I had HOCD first time 2019-2021. Then it just stopped and I was mostly ocd free. I was feeling straight then and then I started to date my current boyfriend WITH NO DOUBTS about my sexuality. So it’s funny that it feels so real right now that I must be lesbian. I think it’s because I feel so lack of attraction to my boyfriend and like I said the straight thoughts somehow gives me sick feeling in my stomach. And because the lesbian ones don’t and I just I don’t know get groinal so it feels very real. I hope I get over this because my boyfriend is best person in the world. He also knows about my struggles with hocd and rocd and still stands by my side. I really don’t want to hurt him because of this.

geodrimilis

Date posted: 20w

Hocd is literally a clown in my head.

Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

anonymous1348

Date posted: 17w

soocd

just crying cause i feel like im never going to recover and just have to be lesbian, even tho i love my boyfriend so much. thoughts don’t even give me anxiety anymore idk what to do, im just so done, feel like it’s all real and that i want it(when i dont). any tips or anything, idk how to keep going

Sexual Orientation OCD

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 16w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

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So lost

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