Because I struggle with false memory and real event ocd, I feel like God hates me. I remember praying to God please give me a reason to live and I honestly don't deserve it. What it makes this worse is that, I ask God to just end my life.
I can honestly say, I go through this same experience occasionally. I think I understand what you're going through. In these moments I have to remember that God is what the Bible says He is, and that what He says to us is in His word. Our thoughts and feelings deceive us. I hope and pray you'll begin to ask God to take your life, meaning you'll give your life to Him. He wants us to be honest with Him, and He accepts us and loves us unconditionally, just as we are. Give your life to God, He loves you and has many blessings ahead for you. :-)
Remember that you are not alone so many people feel this way especially anyone with OCD. God is loving he understands whatās on your mind and heart and he knows everything. He forgives you and will never ever hate you. I have also prayed for God to take me, and he still hasnāt, itās all about Gods timing. He loves you and always will ševerything is going to be alright for you eventually, just pray and pray.
i'm really sorry you're feeling this way. dealing with false memory and real event ocd can be incredibly tough, and it sounds like it's been weighing heavily on you. š by the way, have you heard about this new AI-powered OCD therapy tool called 'unstuck'? when i was in a similar spot, what really helped me was this free AI OCD therapy tool called "unstuck" (unstuckmyocd.com/try) that my NOCD therapist recommended to me. i think it'll be especially helpful for you because it provides personalized, step-by-step support for dealing with the specific challenges of false memory and real event ocd, just like an OCD therapist would. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have Qs or just want to talk more! <3
Hi am going through something similar How are you these days
Hey- so Iāve had a rather rocky relationship with God and Iāve always been back and forth but in the darkest times of my life, I have tried to turn to God for consolation. But long before I discovered NOCD, I had a very disturbing cycle of OCD situations for months on end of waking up in the middle of night and calling my pastor/ youth counselor trying to clarify if I had committed the unforgivable sin. Because I have had such an up-and-down relationship with God and going astray so often and all of that- I worried that because it felt like I was being struck by a demon trying to urge me to say (I didnāt say out loud but like a low, inaudible mumble in my mouth) āsayingā that God was the opposite of what He isā¦ ever since then Iāve struggled with that moment so much and in that moment, it didnāt feel like I 100% cared about doing it. Because I had been constantly plagued with these obsessive thoughts for so long and didnāt understand what they were, I gave in cause I was exhausted from battling it for so long but it didnāt come out like how itās described in the Bibleā¦. Idk. I just hate myself thinking about it because I have always been one to skid along boundaries so I feel like it was mocking God because I was angry and it just fills me with fear, upset and panicā¦ I remember feeling so terrified and the physical sensation like my chest was burning and I just felt like I was emptyā¦ has anyone else ever gone so far in their OCD that they wondered if they could ever come back?
In the past, I used to pray 100 times out of fear that God would punish me by giving me or someone I love cancer, or worse. Even though I got out of that compulsion, I still fear God. I pray for my entire family every night out of fear that if I don't, God will kill someone close to me or kill me. During Bible study today, my mom essentially explained that people who don't truly believe in God won't be protected by God. I'm essentially Agnostic, because I'm convinced that if God does exist he hates me. I feel trapped. On one hand I feel like If I stop praying or believing in him then he will make my life worse than it already is. But I have OCD, an eating disorder, I suffer so much in so many aspects of my life and I worry the reason is because God hates me. I'm scared one or these days he's going to push me to my last straw. Does anyone have a similar experience?
I feel doomed. I donāt know if God is real. The ocd shows me no other option that He isnāt. I read my Bible every single day as a routine not a compulsion. I just donāt understand why it wonāt change. It causes me to question all things in existence to the point of making me feel like this isnāt just ocd itās schizophrenia which is then going to cause me to never know the truth or my family or why I am here again. The Bible explains why weāre here but my brain says itās not enough. This world has been flipped upside down to me since 2020. I am exhausted from all this misinformation we have now. It breaks my heart. I just want the Lord to help me. I donāt want to question who He is and I donāt want to believe what my mind is saying but it feels like I have no hope if I cannot distinguish between what is false and true. I just donāt understand how this could even remotely be a good thing but God says He will finish a good work that He is started. I just find it so like. Untrue. Now. Like. I donāt see Him ššš. And day 7 of dreary weather. Itās making me so angry today. I know thatās the anxiety but Iām just fed up. Iām tired of the lies feeling so real to my mind that my reality gets distorted.
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