Platonic affection & ocd

I wonder what people think about having SOOCD as a straight person and simultaneously striving to be queer-positive and affirming. I feel most “myself”, most free, when I don’t feel pressure from my subconscious to act out on gay impulses and become a flamboyant personality, and when I don’t even have to think about “being straight” because I just am who I am. Even though I’d like to be free from gay obsessions and false attractions that feel like they’ve evolved into real attractions (even though i still don’t feel like I truly want men), I feel guilty that I am choosing not to let this flamboyant “alternate” personality develop. I feel like I’m not a true ally if I’m saying it’s beautiful for other people to experience queer sexuality, but when I experience obsessions and therefore feelings of a queer nature I dismiss it as “not me”. I know we can’t defeat OCD with neat forms of reassurance or ways of explaining the pressure away, but I’m having a hard time not embracing obsessive gay thoughts because I feel bad not actively affirming them. But then accepting them as real makes me super anxious and untrue to myself. Thoughts?

Me and my partner have been going out for a couple of montjs now, and there hasn't really been much physical contact, the odd brush hear and there. On our last date we went out and after a while he held my hand and later on he asked my permission to hug me. I said yes but I immediately felt scared and had an anxiety attack. I don't know whats wrong with me, when my friends and family hold my hand, touch me and hug me I feel fine but when he touches me I get so scared and freeze up. It might be because its my first proper relationship and these are my firsts (I'm 15 by the way). This is then triggering my soocd and telling me because I don't like being touched, I'm gay and the touched my girl best friend give me are more comfortable because I'm secretly gay. I like this guy a lot, and I am sure I'm not gay but my ocd is giving me so much rubbish for it. From what I can tell this isn't normal. I should feel comfy right? I'm sure with more touches and time I'd get more comfy. But I just wanted to let that out cuz it's been brewing inside of me for a while.

I’ve been suffering through OCD for years and at varying levels of intensity. I’ve gone through stages of all sorts, cleanliness, harm, pure. Most recently I’ve been terrified of subconsciously or impulsively groping people, mainly women. It’s been lasting months, this intense fear when passing people on the street or in the workplace or even members of my own family and friends. I am absolutely terrified that I may do that against my own will. Or the intrusive thought may come into my mind and it gives me so much distress. For months now it has made going out in public, to the shops or to the gym or even going out of my apartment completely unbearable, I’m afraid to have my hands out of my pockets, I’m afraid of not being able to have full accountability of myself. I’m on fluoxetine and need to see a psych, I’m trying to expose myself to situations to lessen the fear but it’s just leading to a cycle of intense burnout and moments of accepting a life that’s ruined and then intense fear of ruining my life or harming someone else. I’m terrified of touching someone in that way, and I don’t know what to do. I had to quit my job and I just can’t see how I could ever return to normal. Reading posts on this community definitely helps, I guess I’m just writing now because I need to get it out of my head.