Scared I said blasphemous thought out loud!

God is not expecting you to control your thoughts. I had this same ocd theme long ago and I know it is torture. Our minds are creative and think all kinds of random thoughts, don’t assign a meaning to them. I guarantee you God/Jesus do not care about your random intrusive thoughts, so just relax.

You definitely still love Jesus! Intrusive thoughts attack the things we value most, so as strange as it sounds the fact that you are having these thoughts is proof of your love of God! 1 John 4:18 says that if you fear God it is for fear of punishment, but if you are able to wrap your mind around how much God loves you and the relationship He wants to have with you, you won’t fear Him at all! So here are some things about God you should consider that I think will help you understand His love even better: God is omniscient, which means all-knowing. He has known every single thing that you would ever do since before the creation of the world. He knows every step you’ll ever take, He has the hairs on your head numbered, and He knows your thoughts from afar. God is also considerably smarter than we could ever hope of being and He understands your thoughts and feelings better than you do. He knows your heart and can easily discern which thoughts are real and which ones are intrusive nonsense. He will never get confused about your thoughts or upset with you about them. Your thoughts don’t surprise Him and it is impossible for you to disappoint Him. Additionally, when you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior you become a new creation. Your old self is crucified with Christ and it is no longer you who live, but Christ who lives in you. You are filled with the Holy Spirit and your past, present, and future sins are completely covered once and for all by the blood of Jesus as you are imputed with His righteousness. This means that when God looks at you He just sees the righteousness of Christ and none of your sins! So if you have accepted Jesus as your Savior (and it sounds like you have) then that means that you can come boldly into God’s presence without any fear knowing that He approves of you, He loves you, and that you have been added into His family and will have an eternal inheritance! I am a Bible teacher and I get a little excited when it comes to discussing this stuff, so I may have given you way more than you wanted. But I’ll also gladly answer any questions if you have any. I hope this helps!