Is the Lord going to forgive me

@Tea and Honey Thank you so much I’m crying as reading this . I don’t know this was common. I felt and still feel like a horrible person but seeing your words makes me hopeful. I’m going to try my best today to just let the thoughts be. Thank you so much

@Tea and Honey I didn’t even know I needed this. Thank you

@Tea and Honey Can’t OCD make you think you’re purposely thinking, wanting or saying these thoughts? Literally was having a good day then had an intrusive blasphemous thought and it felt like I could’ve stopped it or could have not had it if that makes sense. I just can’t stand when it feels like I’m saying it. Is that normal? 😞

@Cammy123 Yep. Totally normal. I would have lots of times where I felt like I could have stopped the thought (or action) if I just hadn’t been so weak at the moment, if I had just been stronger, etc., etc. Yes, this is perfectly normal for OCD. It’s like the moment comes up—and you find you didn’t prevent the disaster that was trying so hard to get you. Then I would feel all guilty and berate myself for not being stronger. And then worry about my salvation for however long a time (four hours, a day, two weeks etc.). All this false guilt and worry can really weigh heavily. OCD is such an exhausting disease.

@Cammy123 Don’t reason with your OCD. Don’t engage with the false guilt or try to figure out if you really meant anything. You are still saved. You have not lost your salvation. Try to focus on God’s promises and the truth. If you engage and reason and ruminate over these “episodes,” It only makes you worry more.

@Tea and Honey Yes I’ve been having that a lot lately! Recently been having Satan/demon heart thoughts and it’s scaring me! I love God & Jesus and I tell them all the time they have my heart but recently those thoughts come and it’s giving me anxiety! I’m trying to tell myself you don’t just accidentally let S in your heart but I feel like it’s a fear! I don’t want Him near or ever in my heart! Always God & Jesus! But these nasty thoughts keep coming back!! Is this normal in OCD? How can I let these thoughts go! I don’t want them!

@Cammy123 lol, yep, I do stuff like that too!! I totally understand. My OCD tells me all the time that if I do certain things (twitch my nose, etc,) then I am going to sell my soul to Satan. lol, yep, what you are experiencing is normal. You need to apply ERP to your situation. Let me know if I am understanding what is going through your head correctly. If not, we can adjust the specifics a bit—but the answer is going to be the same no matter what: You apply ERP. So, first we label: The Satan/demon heart thoughts are the “Obsessions,” the (intrusive) thoughts that are supplied by your OCD. As a side note, sometimes people try to argue with themselves that these thoughts came from themselves, but you should not even entertain that question. These thoughts are supplied by the OCD. Period. If you get stuck worried about whether or not the thoughts came from you, just know that the answer is always the same. They never are. But if you get worried, we can talk about it and work through it. Okay, let’s go back to our LABELING. We have our “obsessive/intrusive demon heart thoughts.” Lol, just like I have my obsessive “sell my soul” thoughts. In ERP, what do we do with obsessions? Nothing. There is a sense that you do nothing with them. (Later on, we’ll talk more about things you CAN do, but in the meantime, we need to focus on the fact that we must learn to do NOTHING about our obsessive thoughts.) What does this look like? Let’s go back to my tree example. Imagine a tree standing by a river. The leaves on the tree fall constantly off and float down the river. You can notice them falling, but you are not going to do anything about it. You are just going to let them float down the river. I have another example that might feel more accurate. Imagine a bunch of bees inside your head swarming around. You just let them buzz and swarm and spin around, and you do nothing to stop it. This is how we handle intrusive thoughts. We can notice them. But we just let them spin around and do whatever they are going to do. Let me give you a couple examples. A person with ROCD might have constant thoughts that their boyfriend or girlfriend is not good enough. Those thoughts can rattle around in their head all day. It doesn’t matter. A person with HOCD might have thoughts of stabbing people. He might want to hide the knives in the kitchen. But he should not avoid the knives. He should practice sitting in kitchen, letting those thoughts swarm around in his head. If he tries to fight the thoughts off, they will just get scarier and worse. In my case, I had blasphemous thoughts going around in my head ALL DAY. I thought I had to fix each one by placing a “not” after each sentence in my head. These intrusive thoughts did not go away until I stopped trying to fix them. When I stopped putting a “not” on each one and just let them run wild, the did go away. We need to really understand that those thoughts don’t mean anything. They DON’T MEAN ANYTHING. They aren’t actually dangerous.

@Cammy123 Did I lose my salvation when I let the blasphemous thoughts run wild in my head? No!! God has touched my life in so many real ways since then. It’s been an amazing journey. In fact, I was obeying Him by letting go of the thoughts. It was an ACT OF FAITH to let the thoughts run. So in your case, don’t try to fight off the demon thoughts. (Demon thoughts are very common for religious OCD, by the way.). Don’t reassure yourself that you only want God and Jesus and not those thoughts. Don’t try to fight those thoughts off. Just let them sit there. In fact, you can even say, “Hiya demon thoughts. I expected you today. You are welcome to stay all day if you want.” lol This is not as easy as it sounds. It will probably cause a spike in anxiety. It may require lots of practice (and trying and failing). But the spike in anxiety is a lot better in the long run. This is because, in the long run, you are training your brain that you “just don’t care whether those thoughts are there or not.” And when your brain discovers that you don’t react to the thoughts (and you really don’t care), your brain stops trying so hard to pump those thoughts into your mind. The thoughts will come at you less and less. But even if they don’t, that’s okay too. (Remember, you don’t care whether they are there or not.) You can live your life, exactly the way you want to, whether the intrusive thoughts are there or not.

@Cammy123 It sounds like OCD is attacking you like this: It is saying that you could accidentally let Satan in your heart if you _______ [fill in the blank]. It’s just like how I feel like I could accidentally sell my soul to Satan if I ______ [fill in the blank.] This is how OCD works. It presents a SCARY “if you _____[do A], then this horrific, irreversible outcome will happen.” But the problem is that A (whatever it is), is almost impossible to avoid (like thinking a thought). Do you see how sneaky and crafty OCD is? It can control and manipulate us by fear. And this is why we have to practice ERP. When we do that, we take the power away from OCD. So for me, for example, I felt like when I was twitching my nose when shooting a basketball, then I would be selling my soul to the devil for making a shot. I had to practice ERP with this (and I still do). I have to let myself twitch my nose and then let the basketball make it in. I can’t try to miss on purpose. For you, you have to practice letting the thoughts of demons run free in your head without trying to fix those thoughts. If you try to stop those thoughts or argue with them, they will only get worse. You have to prevent yourself from doing ANYTHING to fix the thoughts. That would be a compulsion. So, let’s LABEL again: Any safety behavior you do to try to “fix” your demon thoughts is actually a compulsion. And when we practice ERP, we are trying to deny ourselves from doing any compulsions. So every time you argue and tell yourself, “No, I didn’t want those thoughts, I only want God” that is probably a compulsion, because it is probably a safety behavior at its core. You want to practice letting the thoughts be there without arguing with them, defending yourself, pushing the thoughts away, reminding yourself that you don’t want them, etc. In the end, you beat the OCD by showing it that you don’t care how many ugly thoughts it pumps into your mind—you are going to live your life anyway. It’s like you can throw a dare at OCD: “Go ahead, throw all the thoughts at me you want! I am going to let them buzz around all day. But I am not changing my life.” When you do that, the OCD becomes like the little brother who sees his older sibling isn’t giving him a reaction to all his pestering. And eventually he gets bored and stops trying so hard.

@Tea and Honey Do you think you can do this? Do you have roadblocks to applying ERP to your situation? Most everyone does. Let me know what you are thinking💙💙 You also might like watching some of Nathan Peterson on YouTube. He’s fantastic. And he talks about ERP therapy.

@Tea and Honey Yea it’s been like that! But sometimes it’s of a like “D….. enter my heart” or “S…… enter my heart”. Which I DONT want! I get so scared if God & Jesus will leave me. Sometimes I feel like am I purposely thinking that or what IF I’ve allowed that thought into my heart but I don’t want to but now I feel so scared and numb and my mind is going all places of the what if this means I did it or what if this means God & Jesus left me or what if this mean the Holy Spirit left me but I’m trying to remind myself that’s not true that He promised He will NEVER leave me also He knew this would happened and still loved me, made me and saved me. I just feel so bad and sad and numb. Like awful. I’m trying to tell myself my feelings and thoughts will lie to me. It just breaks my heart I love them and I don’t want the enemy in my heart or near my heart! My mind think what IF I said it out loud! I was saying how Jesus is my lord and savior but then my mind started thinking did I say the wrong one? Did I accidentally say the enemy instead! I love them and am trying to think logically. Someone who want to “give” there heart to the enemy obviously doesn’t love God or Jesus. Also would even be scared or feel so much guilt about it. Obviously with the numbness I don’t always feel it but I cried yesterday about it and this morning it came all back again the what IF I did. It’s like you don’t just accidentally commit blasphemy. Someone who wants to do it does it but then of course my OCD accuses me into thinking what if I did or straight up days I did! I love them and I don’t want the enemy in my heart or near it! I would never say these thoughts out loud and IF I did I was an accident! 😞

@Cammy123 I hear you. I am so sorry for the suffering you are experiencing. This is classic OCD. It’s just the same thing that I had dealt with, with the words changed slightly for each of us—but it is the same thing. Christianity isn’t meant to be this hard—where you have to fight off thoughts in your head and then convince yourself or God (or prove to God) that you chose him first. God wants you free from this. In Isaiah 61, Jesus’ words are the following: “He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.” I have sometimes experienced the same thing when I think, “What if I think, ‘Satan, I will sell my soul to you’?” Would I go to hell? Would I lose my soul? But I know the answer. It’s fine if I think, “Satan, I will sell my soul.” It’s fine if I think that. It doesn’t mean that I am selling my soul. It doesn’t mean anything. I need to let myself think that thought and then do nothing to fix it (and I do this out of faith). For you, it means you let yourself think, “Demon, come into my heart.” You let yourself think that. (In fact, a good therapist might have you practice thinking that on purpose.). When you let yourself think that (without trying to fight the thought off), you will experience a spike in anxiety. Your OCD will tell you that you just lost your soul, that you are going to hell, blah, blah, blah. Part of ERP therapy is RIDING OUT this anxiety, however long it lasts. The next time you practice this, the spike in anxiety will be a little bit less. And then next time you practice, the anxiety will be a little bit less. This process is better than feeding the OCD cycle by being scared of the thought. When you fight off the thought, you are feeding the OCD and reinforcing the idea that the thought has power. It doesn’t. So your job is to allow yourself to think the thought without trying to fix it. It will hurt. It will cause anxiety. It will feel sinful. But it is actually an ACT OF FAITH. In the end, your faith is what pleases God —not your struggling and striving to fight off thoughts. It is these steps of faith that are pleasing to God. He doesn’t want you fighting the minute, torture battles of trying to keep yourself from thinking thoughts. We can’t win those battles. We are not meant to. You have to allow yourself to think the thoughts. It’s scary. But it’s holding God’s hand and trusting him while you take a leap in the dark. It’s love and faith to God to trust that you are safe, even when your brain says that you are not. ‭‭

@Tea and Honey What do you think? This is easier said than done.

@Tea and Honey This will strengthen your faith in God like nothing else will. When we have OCD, we have to trust God on a level that other people don’t. And then we are given an opportunity to practice that trust over and over every day.

@Tea and Honey You have to trust that the thoughts mean nothing. They are just OCD thoughts. They don’t matter. They don’t mean anything. Don’t try to figure out if you wanted them. Don’t try to figure out if they came from you or not. They are just OCD thoughts. They don’t matter at all. So you are going to let them happen without fighting them off.

@Tea and Honey God doesn’t expect you to fight these impossible battles of preventing yourself from thinking a thought. That is not what God calls you to do. Instead, God is going to take you by the hand in a path of healing—to set you free from this torture that you experience.

@Tea and Honey OCD sets us in a cycle of “What if I wanted the thought? What if the thought came from me? What if the thought has power to do something awful ?” It’s a cycle that makes us want to PREVENT the thoughts. But all this time, God is above the cycle. He invites us out of the cycle by showing us that we don’t have to play the game anymore.

@Tea and Honey Imagine OCD like a little brother who wants you to play this game. But when you don’t play (and you just let him sit there and scream at you), then you are the winner. You cant stop him from screaming. And you cant stop the thoughts from coming. But you can stop reacting to the thoughts. You can stop being afraid of them. You can stop giving them power to affect your life

@Tea and Honey The way you stop playing the game is by letting the thoughts run wild in your head, saying whatever they want to say

@Tea and Honey Also, be prepared that sometimes when you step out if faith , things can get worse for a while. OCD pitches a fit sometimes. So dont be stressed if that happens. Whrn things get worse, it’s an opportunity to practice even DEEPER faith

@Cammy123 My notifications said that you had replied to a comment here, but now I am looking I can’t find it. I am not sure the app is working correctly

@Tea and Honey I’m not sure where it is. But I will try my best to ignore it. Sometimes fighting back only makes it worse. Makes me doubt myself even more. Like it’ll say S….. enter my heart then I’ll say no Jesus is in my heart then it’ll say that nasty thought again! It’s like the more you tell it no it stop the more it comes then it feels like you! Like what IF it is me? Or what IF I wanted that thought or what IF I’ve accidentally said it! Which is such a huge fear of mine!!! Recently it’s like my mind has been making me doubt who I am! Who I want to be! I tell God & Jesus even tho I get these awful thoughts, feelings and urges which is so scary the urges! It’s not what to want. That I still have the desire to love Him! Be with Him! Follow Him even tho what’s happening makes me feel like the most awful christian! One thing that has helped me is John Bunyan was so devoted and had those evil devil thoughts and blasphemous thoughts too! It’s like we get all these thoughts, feelings and urges yet we still love God & Jesus! Cry out to them and feel so much guilt & shame. Someone who isn’t these thoughts wouldn’t be scared! Like I love them but it sucks when OCD makes you doubt yourself because of these awful thoughts. I just don’t want to disappoint them with the thoughts and stuff. Like know im super hard on myself and I remind myself I will have these thoughts again. It’s funny how OCD makes you doubt it’s OCD. For the past month it’s like my brain is NOT convinced it’s OCD. Literally 3 days ago had blasphemous thoughts but now it’s hooked on to those devil & heart theme to where those other thoughts are gone!!! I’m telling myself girl! It’s OCD! For your themes to switch up like that! But it’s hard to see it! When you feel it and it keeps happening! I feel so stuck. 😞

@Cammy123 I hear you. It IS just your OCD. Yes!! If you try to fight off the thoughts and feelings, that will only make them worse. This thread is getting so confusing. I am going to start a new thread. I’ll title it “Religious OCD and Unwanted Thoughts.” Can I meet you in that thread? Thanks!

@Cammy123 This is a great resource. This might help. https://accounseling.org/mentalhealth/ocd/coping-statements-for-christians-with-ocd-scrupulosity/

@Tea and Honey Yes I’ll find it and meet you there! Also thank you! Really sometimes I just need to realize it’s OCD. Because sometimes my mind doubts it!

@Tea and Honey Just let me know whenever you made it! Make sure you put it under religious Ocd

@Cammy123 I made it:) I gave out that title. I don’t think i put it under religious OCD. Let me know if you can’t find it. If you can’t see it, I’ll post again

@Tea and Honey I can’t find it. You might need to do that.

@Cammy123 Gotcha. One minute

@Cammy123 Done