Having a flare-up today

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years. I thought I was over the ROCD for a while. But I’ve been under a lot of stress. I’m moving in with him next week, but I lost my job due to severe anxiety and depression affecting my job. (I hated working there) It’s been stressful trying to find another job while moving and I’ve noticed I would occasionally get intrusive thoughts, but I managed to ignore them, especially with the help of medication. However just today I went shopping for groceries and this stranger asked for my number and called me cute. I can’t lie it was flattering but I rejected him and confirmed I had a partner and it was serious. He was very friendly about it and I went home. But now I’m getting these intrusive thoughts like “You want him instead of your partner.” “You’d rather be with him.” “You felt flattered so you want to be in a relationship with him instead and cheat on your partner or break up with your partner.” It’s been so hard since coming back home because while I was flattered, my brain keeps thinking I’ve cheated for some reason or want to cheat or break up with my partner. For reference, I’m demisexual which means I don’t have any attraction until I develop a strong emotional connection with someone. So I wasn’t attracted to this stranger but I keep thinking I am? I really hate this because I love my partner so much and I thought I was over all of this. Any advice when a flare up like this happens? I assume it’s a flare up because I hate how real it feels, it makes me feel sick with anxiety.

I hate myself a lot and don’t understand. I do so well for a few days then spiral and feel so awful bc it feels true. The BIGGEST and WORST trigger and theme has been my brother old friend ish who I had a crush on yrs ago. Since my ocd returned once I got in a relationship (after many yrs of being hidden) this theme is the most brutal. For some background I had a crush on my current boyfriend last year in February til May and we were friends then we started talking officially in end of May then dating in 2 week of June. I was obsessed w him 100%. The one time I even saw this old crush and the mall and my 1 friend and I followed him bc like old crush yk and I literally like stopped caring like idk how to explain it bc it was a while ago, but it didn’t matter to me. I eventually walked away and then later used that as an excuse to talk to my biggest crush (my current bf). Since we began dating, my ocd has been brutal. My little brother mentioned the old crush the one day saying “you still love him ur lying to urself rn by being w ur bf” and then it sent my mind on its first loop ab that guy. Since then, it’ll return getting worse and worse. (Sometimes I actually don’t care and it won’t feel as tru and ik it’s fake, but others it’s terrible) I hate it. And I feel so awful like I needa check to make sure I don’t like him. Yet logically why would I check my feelings. Ik I love my man bc everything ab him I love and he’s my comfort and best friend. But I get so stuck up in the confusion of all the thoughts ab this other guy and all I have wanted for the 10 months I’ve been dating my man is to go back to normal. Back to myself. The one who was head over heels obsessed w my man and completely forgetting ab the other ppl. But my brain says I can’t bc a part of me will always want the other guy or some other lame bs excuse and it hurts me so much and my man sometimes too. I’m considering medication but will it truly work? Will it make my thoughts go away? I hate how real/ true they feel I feel like a cheater or like I am lying to my man. I feel like rn when I say I love him, that I’m a liar😖for the past 3 days I was better. I gave it up and let God help me, but last night into today I’m lost. Are we sure ocd attacks wuts most important to us? Bc why is it so persistent and evil