Advice

I developed a crush for this girl and it feels great. But ya know, OCD did its thing and makes me feel like I don't really like her and that I like guys. It drives me absolutely mad. I even went to the gym today (which I have been avoiding) and one of the front desk guys was id say good looking and my OCD ran with that and told me I like guys and all the what if questions came roaring in. It feels really provocative to think persons of the same sex are good looking. It feels like anytime I look at a guy, my OCD tells me"oh look! you noticed him, how come you're not noticing the women?, you're gay." I get so many intrusive thoughts about any guy I look at and It feels so real. I feel defeated today. If anybody can relate, I'd like to hear.

I started a new job a month ago. Keep in mind I have severe relationship OCD so before I went in I was afraid I was going to have a weird thought about someone if they were good looking. Literally my first day I saw someone good looking and did a friendly smile because I was new and I just smiled at everyone to be nice- I did it again I’d say like 3 more times to that person in the days after and then I suddenly stopped because I was like what if he thinks I fudging fancy him so now every time I pass him I can’t look him in the eyes I look down or rush past looking annoyed so he doesn’t think I think he’s good looking. I’m really enjoying this job but this little thing every single day when I go in now is constantly at the back of my mind every morning I wake up it’s the first thing I think of, every intimate and loving moment with my boyfriend I picture this person (because my OCD imagines things that are bothering me in the best moments so I don’t enjoy them) And I am so afraid that one day someone in my team will be like oh yeah you need to get him to train you in on this because I will actually cry because I’ve built this up so much in my head now that I can’t enjoy my life my work everything because it’s really awkward (or in my mind it is) when I pass this person because I’ve made it seem like this huge deal and it makes me feel sick because I’ve already confessed this once to my boyfriend but it is so STUCK in my head now and of course you can never ask for help on this shit (my fellow ocd friends will know of course and by friends i mean everyone in this community) because people in my work would be like ooooo you fancy him or something not understanding that this is something i really struggle with. And I just don’t know at all how to move past it

Hi, i have been on and off with my SOOCD and I have been really good at understanding that my thoughts are just thoughts, yesterday i seen a masculine lesbian and it triggered me and I got severe anxiety because I was expecting some thoughts to come as I had been triggered. I then got thoughts “you find her attractive don’t lie”, when I seen her I do not personally think she is attractive looks wise and all that, but all my mind is saying to me now is I do and I am lying and it’s started to just get to me i just want to shut off and get the thoughts away from me😫then I seen on tiktok this person had SOOCD and then turns out they were gay and I just am spiraling.