- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I’ve been seeing so many of these posts and while I’m not an expert in hocd I thought I’d share something completely personal. I’m a lesbian. It took me awhile to figure it out but I’m married to a woman now and consider myself gay. was there a point in time I may have considered myself bisexual? Sure. Were there moments I may have questioned my sexuality, absolutely. But- I never, never, never obsessed over it. I think naturally humans have the instinct to question things and occasionally doubt, the difference is with OCD, we obsess and constantly doubt and ruminate. That’s the difference I think between someone who is ocd and someone who is not ocd, regardless of the theme. Again to clarify, my ocd theme is NOT revolved around hocd. I actually have illness anxiety disorder. Good luck to you all. I know the ocd struggle seems intolerable at times (regardless of the theme). Just keep pushing.
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s interesting to hear that from you. Because I’m literally afraid to reveal this to some people in the LGBT community and them either tell me that I’m in denial or shun me for using OCD as a way to erase their identities and experience simply because I don’t want to “accept” myself.
- Date posted
- 6y
Litteraly same with my tocd. But let me tell u smthg, i'm gay and i don't see at all how having hocd is homophobic. I totally don't understand how lgbt can say things like that. But i feel the same with my tocd so...
- Date posted
- 6y
Can totally understand. It seems that a lot of lgbt ppl especially on some forums are not really open on this type of ocd.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah and I get where they’re coming from because people who suffer from HOCD are simply “in the closet” or questioning their sexuality without considering the intrusive and obsessive component that comes with it
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah because throughout the years even before I was diagnosed, I was pretty confident that I liked men, despite having constant repetitive thoughts about otherwise. I didn’t exactly know what to call it, but I had a hunch that it wouldn’t lead me to discovering that I was possibly gay or bisexual. And I also struggled with other themes in the past too (and now). It wasn’t really obvious that it was linked to OCD until I got to college, when I obsessed over this and another theme.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
- Date posted
- 13w
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6w
I was wondering if this also happened to anyone. I grew up very open-minded and allowed myself to question my sexuality when I was younger. I explored feelings for both genders and attraction to them from afar, because I didn't have any friends or experiences to guide me through them. When I started dating, I was open to both but slowly and surely naturally phased out women. It always felt performative, like pretending to be upset they didn't respond, choosing who to be attracted to, and while present with them, wanting to back away or feeling a level of discomfort. When my SO-OCD started, these experiences made it very difficult to navigate the anxieties and intrusive thoughts. My thoughts often circled back to the idea that if I wasn't attracted to women, I wouldn't have tried to in the first place. This type of thought is like a Catch-22. On one hand, I am surveying my past actions or memories for any signs of true attraction or trying to pick at moments where I could prove that I was actually uncomfortable. On the other hand, the thought of being uncomfortable with a moment is tainted in my brain because of the idea that I could just be in denial. Any emotion I've ever had gets scrutinized in hindsight, making it feel like any way in which I feel is wrong. SO-OCD has been particularly difficult because of the fact that I've never been pejorative towards being queer or the LGBTQ+ community. It goes against my own values whether or not I am actually queer or actually straight. I remember growing up in an environment (whether school, family, or friends) that was always lined with prejudice towards any type of outsider - OCD makes me feel ashamed for my own want to understand any group or background different from my own. Essentially, I wanted to know if that's also something that plagues others with SO-OCD. For me, no matter what side of the fence I fall on my OCD rewrites it as bad: Either I'm in denial and lying to everyone even though they already secretly know, or I'm a homophobe. Sometimes they even mix. It doesn't make any sense.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond