Username: KathrynKosmo

Date posted: 37w ago

Please help me 😭

Hi all, new here. I have been struggling with OCD for about 11 years now. I was diagnosed at 15 and am now almost 27. My main theme is POCD, although I have suffered with many other subtypes. Lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot of false memories. I started having them around 20 years old, but now it has taken over my life completely. At first the false memories were about past events I thought could have happened, but now it is false memories in real time. For example, like thinking you turned the oven on before you left even though you checked it 10 times over. It’s things like that, but with POCD. I cannot distinguish fiction from reality anymore. As of late, I have a serious fear and obsession with cameras. I am constantly terrified of blurting things out on camera, or acting out intrusive thoughts. It has gotten so bad, I cannot be around anyone’s phone but my own. I am constantly having family members check their photos to tell me if I somehow took a video or picture of doing something completely awful. When I am around someone’s phone that I am not able to check, I have serious meltdowns because I am not able to ask them if I’ve done anything. I also check everywhere for cameras, like literally will dig through bags and open drawers/cabinets to make sure there is no camera. It is the scariest thing I have ever experienced. Going out in public in front of cameras is a nightmare for me but I seriously try to do my best. I literally can’t work anymore around other people because I am so scared of their phones. I had to quit my last job because it was becoming so debilitating. I would make up stories like “hey let me air drop a photo to you” just to get them to open up there photo app so I could see I did not record myself saying anything incriminating. I cannot call important people without panic, and if I do I cannot leave voicemails because I believe I will say something wrong. I cannot send emails because I have a fear of saying something wrong. The only social media app I have is Facebook because I’ve had it long enough I feel comfortable using it but I’ve deleted every single app that didn’t have an activity log showing me what comments or likes I’ve left on things. I’ve deleted everything that I can take pictures with (except my iPhone camera of course) I can’t even download a game without thinking I am messaging people on said game! I literally downloaded a game recently and had my mom go over every single thing on it to make sure it wasn’t possible to message other players. I cannot do simple things such as writing something down like signing my name on important documents because I think I write terrible things. This has literally taken over every single aspect of my life. I am miserable, I can’t find help. I have been to many therapists, and taken many medications. Nothing helps. I am at my wits end please help me, or share if you’ve been through anything similar or how you navigated that. I am desperate.

Username: helloheyhi1234helloheyhi1234

Date posted: 37w ago

Hey , i read ur thing an it truly sounds miserable and tormenting on your behalf. i know youve probably heard this a billion times but maybe try letting the thought run through your mind but not allowing yourself to act out the said action to “prevent” ur thought. For example let the fear of the camera things run through ur body but restrict urself from looking through cabinets and bags. download fun games u seek interest in an just try to enjoy it , dont go seeking for any features. I could he wrong but what it sounds like to me is you seek constant reassurance to help x out or cancel out ur thoughts hence giving u short lived satisfaction and assurance. What really helps me is the phrase the self rehab feature this app provides is “allow the thought to run through ur mind and sit with the uneasiness and uncertainty “ i feel like once u repeat this , you’ll realize you can do it. you are so much more then what u set urself out to be. Ur so much more then what ur thoughts make u believe you are . We have such short lived lives and being trapped in your head isn’t worth the short amount of time we have. I don’t know if any of this helped but know i wish you the best and hope you can find genuine real comfort in ur life. goodluck!

Username: KathrynKosmoKathrynKosmo

Date posted: 37w ago

@minionlovef Oh my gosh thank you so much! I truly appreciate your advice and will do my best to implement it! 🫶🏻

Username: Amara Amara

Date posted: 37w ago

I'm really sorry you are going through this, but let me tell you something. Saying nothing works for you because deep down in your mind, you believe it won't work. Everything is based on our beliefs. Joseph Murphy says in his book Power of subconscious mind, law of life is belief. It is foolish to believe in something to hurt or harm you. Remember, it is not the thing believed in that hurts or harms you, but the belief or thought in your mind which creates the result. All your experiences, all your actions, and all the events and circumstances of your life are but the reflections and reac- tions to your own thought. You can do meditation 🧘‍♀️ regularly and also read some books. It will definitely help you. Just believe in everything you are doing. It will work because you are human, just like everyone else. If others could recover, why can't you?

Username: KathrynKosmoKathrynKosmo

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous - Thank you so much! I screenshot this so I can get this book. I truly appreciate it 😇

Username: KathrynKosmoKathrynKosmo

Date posted: 37w ago

@KathrynKosmo And thank you for this perception. It’s a great outlook. 💜

Username: Amara Amara

Date posted: 37w ago

@KathrynKosmo You're welcome! 🙂 If you are a fan of books, I can name some of them. Check and search to see which one you like. From Stuck to Unstuck by Matt Codde his book available on YouTube or https://www.restoredminds.com Let It Go The Pathway of Sounding by Dr. David Hawkins The Power of Your Subconscious Mind" was written by Joseph Murphy. The book "You Are Not Your Brain" is written by Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding The Power of Now" is a book written by Eckhart Tolle The Untethered Soul the journey beyond yourself by Michael A. Singer The book "Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers" is written by Robert M. Sapolsky

Username: KathrynKosmoKathrynKosmo

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous - Thank you so so much 🫶🏻

Username: Stefanie280Stefanie280

Date posted: 37w ago

I totally understand. I have constant doubt and images, feelings, thoughts ive done something or something happened ALL day long with everything. Its constant fear of bein poisoned or contaminated, something on me" some danger somewhere on me near me ...on and on. Its pure hell i know😭 meds havnt helped me either and its soo bad. Im looking into ketamine" therapy which ive heard incredible things about. Its different from SSRI and works on the brain's glutamate" to relieve anxiety and depression. Its said to help with everything including PTSD and OCD. Im desperate too! So i will try anything at this point. I will let u know if it helps and we can stay in touch. Im here anytime to chat. I know ur pain n suffering. Its soo frustrating to have these horrific thoughts fears and u can't stop them🤦😔😔 i pray for us to get relief🙏

Username: KathrynKosmoKathrynKosmo

Date posted: 37w ago

@Stefanie280 Thank you so much for taking the time out to comment even when you’re going through it as well. Just know you are so strong and will get through it. Thank you so much, and I will also be here anytime you’d like to chat!! Please don’t hesitate to message me! 🫶🏻 we are in this together! 💜

Username: Amara Amara

Date posted: 37w ago

About checking the oven 10 times it isn't false memory, it is Checking OCD. involving repetitive checking and persistent doubts about whether something was done or not (such as checking if a light or oven was turned off multiple times), is cheching ocd. where an individual constantly checks something and doubts their memory of whether it was done correctly, it may not necessarily be considered a false memory but rather a manifestation of OCD-related checking behavior. The individual may feel compelled to check repeatedly to alleviate their anxiety and uncertainty, even if they logically know that the task was completed.

Username: KathrynKosmoKathrynKosmo

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous - Oh yes! I completely agree. By saying it was a false memory, I was meaning like believing I had turned the oven on even though I did not before leaving and then doing the checking. I most definitely have checking OCD like BAD BAD BAD. But my checking OCD unfortunately stems from the false memories- or believing I’ve already done something horrible :/

Username: Amara Amara

Date posted: 37w ago

Checking OCD and false memory OCD are distinct subtypes of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that involve different types of obsessions and compulsions: 1. Checking OCD: As mentioned earlier, Checking OCD is characterized by repetitive checking behaviors to alleviate fears or doubts about harm, danger, or mistakes. Individuals with Checking OCD may feel compelled to check things multiple times to ensure safety or prevent negative consequences. 2. False Memory OCD: False memory OCD, involves intrusive and distressing thoughts or images related to false memories or scenarios that are typically disturbing, violent, or taboo. People with False Memory OCD may experience intense guilt, shame, or doubt about the validity of these intrusive thoughts, even though they are not based on actual events. can sometimes involve intrusive thoughts, doubts, or worries about having done something wrong, or the fear of having a false memory. People with OCD may experience distressing thoughts or doubts that they did something harmful or inappropriate, even when there is no real evidence of it occurring. This can lead to uncertainty and the need to engage in repetitive behaviors or mental rituals to alleviate anxiety or guilt. In terms of recognizing false memories, individuals with OCD may have difficulty distinguishing between actual events and intrusive thoughts or false memories created by their own mind. They may obsess over past events or question the accuracy of their memories, leading to distress and an urge to seek reassurance or perform rituals to cope with the uncertainty.

Username: KathrynKosmoKathrynKosmo

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymous - YES! This is exactly what I go through. For example, yesterday I was around a whole bunch of phones and tablets. I had such high anxiety that my false memories started acting up and I believe I must have recorded myself saying/doing something awful. This led to a major break down for hours and then today let me to do checking OCD by checking the photos/cameras :/ there was nothing there as usual. But the false memories are so distressing I honestly think of ending it all in those moments. I can’t live with those thoughts! That’s why I perform the checking to alleviate my anxiety even tho it is only temporary :(

Username: KathrynKosmoKathrynKosmo

Date posted: 37w ago

@KathrynKosmo Led* :(*

Username: Amara Amara

Date posted: 37w ago

@KathrynKosmo I understand what you are suffering from. Don't worry, you can recover. Just believe in yourself and what you are doing. It works. Everything is possible. I wish you good and fast recovery

Username: abbslouabbslou

Date posted: 30w ago

hey! i’m not sure if you are still active but i am struggling with the exact same situation as you. it’s good to hear someone else is feeling the way i am and not just me. i hope you are doing ok🩷

Username: Danni2314

Date posted: 21w ago

First time posting !! Schizophrenic OCD. Help.

TW. Also long post ahead . I’ve been dealing with OCD for the past 10 years. I’m 32 years old . I didn’t get diagnosed with OCD until this year. I was always diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder, and depression. I don’t have your typical compulsions. Mine are mostly all mental. Reassurance seeking, avoidance , repeating a prayer , etc . I have three main themes . Schizophrenia OCD, sexual orientation OCD, and HIV. Sometimes i deal with harm OCD and POCD but my main big three are the ones I listed first . I feel like the schizophrenic OCD is the most debilitating for me. For the last ten years I’ve been thinking I’m losing my mind . I thought once I got to a certain age the fear would go away but it hasn’t and is in full force . I’m constantly checking my surroundings, what I’m hearing, how I’m acting , questioning if things are real and so on . Now I do have times where this theme doesn’t bother me . It’s put on the back burner . I go through cycles . But when I’m focusing on this theme I feel like I’m hearing stuff . Most of the time I can’t make it out but recently I feel like I’ve been hearing a whisper saying “hey” . It mainly happens at night . It sends me into a complete panic and I feel like “this is it “ I’m seeing an OCD therapist and she recommended me to go to this psychiatric place in town to get meds to help my anxiety from the OCD. My last psychiatrist always pushed the newest medicine and was constantly changing up my regimen. I thought I would give it a try. WORST IDEA EVER . Keep in mind my therapist gave me a letter to give to her explaining I have been diagnosed with OCD and explaining it . She doesn't think I have OCD at all. She wanted to put me on an antipsychotic so me with my OCD brain . I asked her if she thought I was psychotic . She said I was nearing psychosis . She called me interesting . She feels like I have major depressive disorder . I'm just at a loss for words. It was honestly the strangest meeting I have had with a psychiatrist. It was very unprofessional. She has no idea the damage she has done nor do I think she cares. I just don't know what to Believe in anymore ... We met for approximately 45 minutes . First time ever meeting. I just want to cry and I’m freaking out 😢

Username: Solrose

Date posted: 21w ago

Delusional thoughts - scared. Please read.

Hi everyone. I’m going through it at the moment. Any advice would be appreciated. I posted this before, but I really need to vent about this again. Feeling really anxious. I would just like to hear more opinions and advice please. So my main theme of OCD is harm related, especially towards my mom. I live with my mom and I love her dearly, and she loves me as well. We’re best friends and have been close my whole life. I was diagnosed with ocd and generalized anxiety disorder at 15 years old, and I’m 32 now. Got back into therapy this year due to flare up of my ocd. Back in July I had the thought “what if my mom wants to hurt me?” Which led to thoughts that she is going to hurt me in my sleep or plotting against me. Also just other crazy thoughts like what if she’s secretly a killer or something. My mom is one of the kindest people I know, gentle and polite to everyone she meets so to have these kinds of thoughts just seems too bizarre for ocd. They seem almost delusions. There were also urged to like barricade my door at night so she couldn’t get in, which I never did of course but the thought to even do that and feeling like I wanted to freaked me out. I even had the thought like “maybe I should report her to the police.” It just sounds crazy deep down, but those thoughts and fears feel so real at times. It just seems to lead to more paranoid type thoughts and it freaks me out. Fast forward and the thoughts went away, but the past two weeks or so they came back and I have been thinking them on and off. They give me anxiety, which then makes me think I believe them. Like if I’m scared of the thoughts, that means I believe them. I wonder a lot if I really believe them or not. I know I truly don’t deep down, I never once thought like this before, but the feelings and doubt make it feel real. I have told all of this to my mom and she understands me, but I feel guilt and shame as well to have these thoughts. I want to get back into seeing a psychiatrist again since it has been 15 years without any adjustments to my medication, but ai’m terrified of seeing someone new and then diagnosing me with schizophrenia or think I’m experiencing psychosis due to how delusional these thoughts sound. I’m scared to be misdiagnosed, even though I have always just been diagnosed with ocd. But maybe I have changed… I hate these thoughts and I just worry they’re too bizarre for ocd. If this isn’t something else. I’m scared ERP won’t help with this or that it will make it worse, prolonging me from getting different help that I may need instead. Thank you for reading all of this.

Username: Kay_buni

Date posted: 19w ago

POCD has taken over my life for the past years.

POCD has been the worst thing I've ever been through. I feel like I have always sort of experienced it but not to the degree I do now. I used to plan being a mother to a beautiful family. Now I don't know if I'll ever have children at the risk of having a girl. I used to have intrusive thoughts that would make me feel weird but I could just move on from them. That was until I had to babysit my niece and change her diaper. I want to throw up thinking about it. I got a horribly strong groinal response and I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why it was happening. It bothered me all day that day and later on I did the disgusting deed of testing myself. I regret it everyday. It's a horrible compulsion and it haunts me. I tested if I was getting off to the thought of her. And of course there was stimulation because of the groinal response. But I hated doing it. I just felt like I had to be sure. After that and since then I haven't wanted to be around her. I stopped planning being a mother, I stopped watching cute baby videos like I used to enjoy because they trigger disgusting intrusive thoughts. After a while I stopped being intimate with my boyfriend and haven't done anything with for months because the thoughts take over and make me feel like I may enjoy the deed more if I was thinking of children. I worry that maybe I do enjoy these thoughts and I'm just denying it. I wish I could be sure. I feel so disgusting and ugly, I've never hated myself this much. It takes over most of my days. I wish I had never changed her diaper. Some times in moments of clarity I am so sure that I'm not a predator, but when I am vulnerable OCD sneaks back in and tells me I enjoy my thoughts and that I should think them. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I have to test. I wish I could stop. It ruins my entire week. I feel like a monster. I want to love my life again. I miss life before this. I feel so hopeless most of the time and I can't imagine a way out. I'm scared to start therapy because what if I found out I am a monster? I can't live like that. I won't. I want to cry and scream. Am I alone in this?

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