OK, so I am 99.9% my boyfriend will be popping the big question this July (finally! How exciting!) and of course, I should be soooo happy and excited but I am so worried about my OCD triggering and having my mind make up some lies to convince me I don’t deserve him etc, anyone have any advice for this? Anyone who recently got engaged? How did it go for y’all? I am 30 years old and and my partner is 34! love of my life.
How exciting! I just got engaged in January, and MAN did my ocd take that and run with it! Just remind yourself that he’s with you for a reason, and he wouldn’t be proposing if he didn’t think that you deserved him. When he’s asking you to marry him, he’s asking ALL of you, including your ocd. I hope this helps! :)
Ahhh that’s so exciting! I don’t have any advice because I’m actually wondering the same, but I did just want to say that you deserve these good things and so excited for you!
The good thing (besides your upcoming engagement 😃) is that you are aware that this could be triggering. Try to live in the moment and enjoy this time. When those intrusive thoughts pop up, don’t engage them. (Ha ha, engage!) But seriously, stay vigilant and don’t let any intrusive thoughts take hold. Would it help to write something down now about why you want to be with him, why he’s the love of your life—to refer to later? So you’re not asking him for reassurance… Or maybe that’s just me…before I realized I had OCD, I was constantly seeking reassurance and though my gf said all the right things, nothing stuck. That’s actually how my therapist and I figured out I had OCD. Who knew getting reassurance was a problem?! For me, learning to live more in the world and less in my head is key. Keep practicing whatever helps you. Best wishes for your future. 🙂
I can’t really give any advice because I’m no where near the point of engagement but I would love to see what kind of advice people can give because I’ve thought about this a lot myself and part of me is so scared that one day when my bf proposes I’ll still be stuck with so much uncertainty that I’ll hesitate to say yes. But as scary as it is I just want to say how excited I am for you! Take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come to get to this point in your life! Look at all the hard work and healing you’ve done! And look how wonderful it is that you and your partner can be on this journey together! I wish you all the best!
Hi all - so over a period of nearly eight years, I have experienced intense ROCD (relationship OCD) with my partner. Last week we got engaged, this wasn't a huge surprise as we were talking about it for months in advance. My intrusive thoughts tend to flare up really badly in times of change, even positive change. When we graduated university, when we moved to our flat, and when I started my job are all times I've had flare ups so the fact that I'm having another flare up now shouldn't have come as a shock - but I'm finding it so hard to cope with. The night of our engagement, after about five mins of initial anxiety from the shock, I was on cloud nine and couldn't wait to tell friends and family and begin planning our wedding. However, the next day, the rumination began. "Have I made a terrible mistake, do I really love him, am I just settling, everyone is so happy for us but I'm faking my emotions, if we're supposed to spend the rest of our lives together I should be happy, not anxious, etc." this has totally ruined our first week of what should be the happiest time of our lives. There are zero red flags in our relationship, in fact, the night before we got engaged I remember thinking to myself that I had honestly never been happier. I'm super lucky in that my partner knows about my anxiety, is so thoughtful, and has been constantly reassuring me that all will be well, we've been here before countless times and have always come through. My parents and best friends have also been super supportive as they know what my triggers are, and I've had some lovely messages from them. I'm looking for good coping mechanisms for how to deal with the thoughts and stop putting pressure on myself, as I'm currently stuck in that horrid cycle of endless reassurance and spikes and it's doing me no good at all. Can anyone who has ever been in a similar situation help? X
Hi everyone! I wanted to ask a quick question. My partner and I are interested in taking the next step in our relationship - getting engaged then getting married. However, I obviously still struggle with ROCD which distresses me. I am very attracted to him, but have these thoughts that “he’s not the right person for you” even though that couldnt seem further from true. If anyone on here is married, can you share how you made the personal decision to get married to your current partner? Thanks in advance!!
This is just kind of a rant but any encouragement would be so much appreciated, thank you ❤️ I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is incredible, kind, funny, smart, hardworking, so so loving-just an extremely good person. In 2021 I developed or at least recognized my OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, definitely quite the list. Each of these conditions mingle with each other and make life very difficult at times. At the beginning it centered around me being a bad person but slowly grew to be relationship OCD. I have fears that I don’t really love him, I’m not actually attracted to him, I’m going to cheat on him, he doesn’t make me happy or that he would be better without me and is a better person than me. Lately I have this fear that one day not to far away he will prepose to me and I won’t be excited. Or that he will feel more for me then I do for him, or that I will have to fake my excitement. I have this vision of myself feeling nothing when he asks me and having to fake it. It’s just such a sickening thought to imagine not feeling the intense joy I always knew I would feel if he proposed to me. It’s so strange because before I had bad OCD I used to dream of that day, I would ask if he thought he might prepose to me one day and if his answer wasn’t certain enough I would feel very sad. It’s terrible because I’ll get depressed and feel nothing positive for any aspect of the world-including my relationship, but OCD will take that and twist it into me not feeling anything positive for him. Which will in turn make me feel more depressed. You ever just want to hide and pause the world for a little while so you can catch your breath? It feels like the weeks go by so slowly but still suddenly I’m nearly grown up.
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