I feel lost

This is just too much...and it just sucks because no matter what I do... in reality ocd doesn’t care about what it’s doing to me... it’s gonna keep doing this. My brother is sick with something that causes diarrhea...he was sick with it 2 weeks ago, got better last week, and we all got the stomach flu this week which caused his sickness to come back...he’s playful and doing normal 1 year old things but ocd keeps saying he is going to die. I don’t completely understand how a 1 year old would just magically die from watery shit, but just because this worry makes no sense, it doesn’t mean I’m still not scared.And it showed me a scenario of his funeral and it’s so fucked up.I think the worst punishment God has ever given me was ocd... ocd hurts me more than anyone else can... it’s so fucked up... I used to ask God for help but I guess mental health wasn’t that saving worthy so I just stopped praying about my mental health BC I’d be “wasting my time, he doesn’t answer you.” I just have so mu ch in. My life that isn’t going right and I’m started to get low key sad and miserable about my life at this point. I need help lately but I’m really depending on some sort of relief... just thought control and to get rid of bad people in my life and to get some of my grades up and...to be happy

Hi I am new to this app and didnt know what else to turn to. My parents dont understand me at all.. my ocd or anything I go thru. I have almost 2 years clean from drugs, have extreme anxiety, and pretty severe OCD and trich. I am just having a really hard and traumatizing week. Two nights ago my freezer caught on fire( which I didnt even realize was a thing) and there was no one there to help me. I was frozen in shock and I just switched the breakers off until my apartment maintenece could help in the morning. Of course I didnt sleep bc I just kept thinking it was still going to catch fire. The power has gone off 3 times this week.. once while I had a cleaning service here to help me clean my apartment( which is a hard enough exposure for me anyway, to let other people in touching all my things especially during covid). The last thing is I have been worried for a while that there is something physically wrong with me (my dad is a physician and I have physical symptoms to back up this theory). I wont share my symptoms cuz that could take a while but as someone with Ocd you think are all of these symptoms real/fake and related/ unrelated issues that I should or shouldnt worry about. Well my concierge doctor called me with intensive lab results they did as a result of my worrying and it turns out my ANA is pretty high and she wants to refer me to a rheumatologist. ANA being high is the first sign of an autoimmune disease. She was trying to write my fatigue off as sleep apnea but they did find something pretty significant in my bloodwork. Im just really scared. This is too much for me to deal with and worry about. I just feel like shutting down, I cant deal with this all by myself. Any advice or just support? I do have an Ocd therapist, have been thru exposure therapy, and currently take meds for it.

Currently crying right now after my shift at work. OCD is transitioning myself into someone I don’t want to be, yet I’m afraid to not have it in my life because when things are feeling okay, it doesn’t feel right, even when I should crave it more than anything. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel life won’t go my way or I don’t see myself being in a good place. I just see myself losing everything I love and care about because either ocd has caused me to distance myself from those things or others just decide to separate themselves from me. At the end of the day, I’m going to end up alone and miserable, and I don’t know why I’m okay with that, but I am. I’m so frustrated with myself and conflicted. Fuck this. I have so much more life ahead of me and I fucken feel stuck and crippled bc of ocd. A 21 year old shouldn’t have to go through this. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING NEGATIVE OR HARMFUL. I’m tired of all the bad. I want more good… I want to be better… I want to be me again. I want to love life, others and myself again.