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TLDR; i'm terrified that my past confessions/need for reassurance to the wrong people will get back at me one day from them not knowing it was undiagnosed OCD/not understanding. back when i was 17/18 i began struggling severely with POCD. at the time, i wasn't diagnosed and had not much idea what OCD was, so naturally i just thought i was a terrible person. i needed reassurance from everyone - even coworkers, friends, anyone, some who barely knew me. i'd tell people about the thoughts i was struggling with and when i look back it upsets me because i know deep down they thought it was weird. i don't know why i felt the need to tell these people about my POCD. i even remember one of my supervisors looking at me with this horrified look on her face. the job i worked at back then, i sometimes had to do parties for children so naturally i refused because of my theme, i was (still am if i'm honest) scared of children. i ended up not being kept permanently at my job (i was seasonal) due to me not doing the parties. i ended up going back to that job a year (ish) later after being diagnosed. i made it clear i had OCD and wore lots of pin badges about it and made it my mission to spread awareness of what OCD really is. i was on meds (still am). some people had left naturally, so i know there's some people out there who never actually found out i had OCD and i am terrified they think of me as this dangerous, weird p*do because of my intrusive thoughts whenever they hear my name/think of that job. i'm terrified that my old coworkers talk about me and describe me as a bad person. i had someone come into my new job a few months back, and being in customer service, we were having a friendly chat and she mentioned she just started working at my old job. i said i used to work there, she then asked me if i was *my full name* and i said yes, she said she'd heard about how bad my manager was back then. she tried to follow me on instagram and i blocked her. i'm terrified on how she knows about me, what does she know? what was she told? it haunts me to this day. what if she thinks i'm a bad person, because my old colleagues have told her stories of my POCD? why was i even mentioned? but yeah - long story short i'm just mortified that i was so open about POCD and that there's people out there who know about it that probably shouldn't, some who i know didn't like me very much anyway, and that it might come back to me later in life and i'd lose everything, and just overall the thought of someone thinking of me as a bad person. anyone else relate?

At 14 I once searched illegal stuff on an adult website. It was out of curiosity and I wanted to know there aren't such things, but it currently caused me have POCD and false memory OCD which makes me sick, because I feel like I remember in details that I searched that with ill intentions. Since then I remembered every single stuff I ever did, and now I remember when I was younger between 9-12 I might've watched l0li to self please. How can I cope?

For awhile, I didn’t notice that I had cancel culture OCD, as I thought it was normal for people with OCD to feel an abnormal fear of being hated or perceived as a bad person. However, I seemed to blindly miss the huge clues that lead to this fact, which is, I am horrified that one might make a “beware” and or “cancel/exposed post” about me, to the point where I will not publish art for it. Because I want others to see me as a good human being and to be forgiven me for my horrible past, that I felt great regret over. though, through my research of exposed videos (of people doing the slightly same as me), they are not very forgiving, even if you were 16 years old, 15 years old, 13 years old, doesn’t matter. The internet makes it apparent that nothing you can do can make anyone forgive you or make you forget your mistakes. And this led me to believe I had to make sure I could be redeemed in every single real event ocd I had about my past. Because I felt that if I did something wrong, then I would never see the light of day again, truth is, I have done things that were wrong, but were all humans, but, the internet never agrees. Ive seen a video speaking about a 14 year old who drew bad stuff but wasn’t forgiven because….they just weren’t, even thought theyre a child? Please tell me I don’t stand alone on this.