Pocd

I hope someone can respond... im genuinely struggling and i need support... I joined an OCD group three years ago that was from NOCD. There were minors in the GC, and when I was triggered by my hocd relating to stuff that was 18+, i vented about it to the GC and to some of the people in the pm's to a minors discomfort... my pocd says I engaged in P*dophillic behavior because of this... when i was just venting about my hocd... i dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors or kids at all... After doctor disrespect admitted to inappropriately messaging a minor my ocd is saying I did something similar to him and that I should be punished... I pm'ed and vented to several people in the gc about my 18+ hocd struggles, including a minor who felt uncomfortable about it... but i stopped venting to her... my pocd is saying I inappropriately messaged her and that im a P for this, when I only wanted to vent about my hocd struggles... i dont ever want to ever be a P at all... i dont ever want to ever be anything like that at all...

ThatGirl98

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

That is your ocd taking over. You are not and never will be a P. What I always have to remind myself is that if I truly was a P, I would have no remorse for my actions or my thoughts. I wouldn’t feel gross about it, I wouldn’t feel like a terrible person, and I wouldn’t be going to therapy for it. Remember, let these thoughts be, but tell yourself you are stronger. We will overcome this!

Givenup

Date posted: 1y

@ThatGirl98 After the whole doctor disrespect situation, my pocd tells me that im just like him and that im a P just like him...

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@Givenup You're not alone on this at all. The Dr. Disrespect thing triggered me too. I got a spike in anxiety because I remember doing something similar to what you did when i was 19 to a 17 year old. I only wanted to help him despite being uncomfortable with talking with minors even at the time. I let them know this but for some reason I helped them anyway. They struggled with POCD just like I did and I kept trying to help by saying don't do compulsions, learn about your OCD, do this and don't do that basically. Overtime, it got redundant but we discussed pretty touchy topics in regards to the OCD. After remembering all of this I had a pretty crazy spike in anxiety and I was convinced it was over for me. I'm still struggling to get over this. I know I had good intentions when I was 19 because I was going through OCD then. No way would I try to turn this around and try to take advantage of that person. I knew not to do that. My core values wouldn't allow it for a second. But yeah, you aren't alone. ThatGirl98 is right, you just have to somehow let those thoughts be and not engage with them. That's nearly impossible to do though. It sucks so much.

Givenup

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 This youtuber was accused of making inappropriate sex jokes with a minor, and planning to meet up with him at dreamcon when the minor turned 16... this was all when the youtuber was 20 and the minor was 13... POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including minors, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way...

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@Givenup OCD will say that and constantly try to compare other situations that are worse to ours. What you described from that YouTube is 100% grooming. Your story just sounds like someone who has had a really hard time with OCD for a long time. I've seen your posts, and you've been dealing with the same thing for a long time and I feel really bad about that. Have you ever been in therapy?

Givenup

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them about my 18+ HOCD struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i can't afford therapy... i dont ever want to ever engage in inappropriate conduct in any way...

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@Givenup You're in a lot of distress. And you have been for a long time. I don't know if you have a therapist yet but please try to find one through NOCD or somewhere else you are familiar with. I really hope you do get assistance with managing this.

Givenup

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 I hope to god i didnt engage in inappropriate behavior...

Givenup

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 Im so honestly triggered... I hope to god i didnt engage in inappropriate behavior or conduct... im so freaking scared...

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and dr disrespect

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped messaging her... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and anxiety

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

Givenup

Date posted: 15w

Pocd and triggered

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... This actor was accused of grooming, giving and receiving explicit videos of underage women, and harassing women... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont have any feelings towards minors in any way... the most i ever did was ask the 17 year old "what you bouta do about it 😂😂" when she told me to stop putting myself down when i was 19... i didnt pursue anything with her because of my age... im 23 now... i dont ever want to ever be with minors in any way...I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... plus now its saying that I called the second minor "cute" when i have no recollection of ever doing so... im also scared that I will get cancelled or being misunderstood because of this... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless...

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