- Date posted
- 1y
Workplace food safety and chemical fears.
I recently got massively triggered by something at work that put me into a real bad spiral regarding harm OCD and contamination OCD oriented towards other people for the most part. I worked in a grocery store which sells perishable foods and makes fresh food as well so food safety and chemical safety are extremely important. Long story short after seeing other people doing things wrong I started to examine my own job and noticed I've been doing lots of the job wrong for years and never got proper training for a lot of things or corrected, and I failed to speak up about it and ended up training other people in my position. I never worked with making food but was tasked with returning perishable items to the coolers if they were unwanted. So the lack of cut and dry policy on what exactly can or cannot go back and it being mostly based of a sense of touch feeling if the item is still cold or frozen made me get worried that we were potentially putting items away that were no longer safe to consume, that and I saw some more things that needed genuine fixing and brought them up to management. But I lost confidence that I was ever doing things right in any part of my job, including the cleaning parts of it as I had janitorial duties and was never shown how to do that part of the job. And the fact I trained other people who would also be doing those same things incorrectly made me panic. I've been sending endless lists of things to my boss that I think need fixing, of things that should be disinfected, things that could contribute to cross contamination, things that could cause chemical exposure, things that could cause food poisoning. I can't stop myself as just as I think that I've said everything that can be said, I'll wake up in the middle of the night with new things that need fixing. I massively fear the butterfly effect, that my actions working there have contributed directly or indirectly in the harm of others. They are taking the genuine concerns into account but even then I fear that me bringing things up and potentially causing changes could cause something bad to happen and that something's should just be left alone. The thought of someone's kids or other loved ones getting sick or dying because of mistakes I've made and trained into others due to not being properly trained myself is unbearable. I had to get medicated and take benzos because the anxiety and guilt made me barely able to eat, drink, or sleep. I'm not even planning on going back, I've been there so long just coasting in life and need to get things in order and actually do something. I just fear leaving that place without bringing up every possible issue, mistakes I've made or things I've seen throughout the years will result in people being harmed. I don't know if I can ever get to the point where I feel I've "said my piece" and can walk away without worrying about it. Too many things were going wrong for too many years for me to feel confident at all that I've done all I can go help them fix their mistakes and mine. I've genuinely probably written a small book worth of things and sent them to my boss at this point. It's exhausting, embarrassing, etc. but I feel if I don't do all that I can that my inaction is going to cause people to get harmed by these unfixed problems. Has anyone else dealt with anything similar? This is the biggest struggle I've ever faced in my life...