OCD and shame

Having OCD gives me so much shame because how of my compulsions affect those closest to me. I constantly update my parents and my boyfriend on my health while throwing in my worries and telling them how afraid I am. They are exhausted. I worry that one day if I really do have a medical emergency I won’t be taken seriously because of my history of health anxiety over problems that are not really emergencies. This causes more OCD with whatever symptom I’m experiencing in the moment like- “this is it. What if this is the one time I really need help and they won’t believe me?” And then I freak out about people not believing me or taking me seriously. I feel like such a burden and I feel like I ruined my reputation with my parents and my boyfriend. There’s no going back from how they see me when my OCD is at its worst. It’s so frustrating that I’ve done this to myself. I feel so ashamed and broken.

Lyssaxoxxo

Date posted: 51w

I sooo feel this!! I worry about that with doctors. I go into urgent care/doctors appointments/the ER all presenting “real” symptoms and almost always leave with a diagnosis of anxiety. I’m scared that one day something will be actually wrong and no one will take me seriously. You’re not alone. I also worry that what if I don’t know the difference? Because I truly don’t. I can’t tell if I’m actually unable to breathe or if it’s just another panic attack): but I can assure you, you didn’t ruin your reputation. With time you can repair it! I understand the feelings and am looking for relief with this myself. It is hard, but we gotta keep fighting. That’s our only answer.

St.Dymphna

Date posted: 51w

@Lyssaxoxxo Thank you for your reply. It’s good to know others feel like this too. Yes I hope one day I will be able to fix it to the point where I can be taken seriously on these matters I just don’t know if that would counteract the years of my anxiety my parents have seen from me

Samiellie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 51w

I think a good majority of OCD people feel this way — I know I do! I’ve said it to my family, my boyfriend and my therapist multiple times. But here’s the thing: if people love you, and I mean truly love you, they’ll be supportive. My family dealt with my obsessions, my ruminations, compulsions for 16 yearssss. I think the most important thing to realize is that frustration doesn’t mean they consider you a burden or similar. Frustration shows up in many shapes and sizes — maybe they’re the most frustrated because they see your distress and can’t help. Point is, you don’t need the reassurance but you do need the support from loved ones. As for the shame and guilt, you should look at ACT workbooks (if you have a therapist, then ask them about it). It helps and I’m in the beginning stages of utilizing that alongside ERP. You got this! Don’t feel shame for your disorder, but feel empowered to try and kick it to the curb.

Hyades

Date posted: 20w

OCD Teaming Up With A Real Life Bad Experience.. Help?

So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.

m1p3

Date posted: 17w

Social Implications of OCD

Has anyone experienced their reputation affected or misunderstood because of a societally taboo OCD theme? Others catching wind of your obsessions and misinterpreting it, assuming the worst? I’m intentionally keeping it vague because I don’t want my specific situation to get reassured, but it’s been a real tough pill to swallow knowing that people close to me (and anyone else they might talk to) think of me differently. I’m unwilling to share about my OCD because I feel pretty confident it will be taken as an excuse or denial, and feels compulsive and reassurance seeking. Let me know if anyone here has experienced anything like it, how they handled it, exposures you did.

PRIV8

Date posted: 9w

Questioning my faith or ocd

Since I started to accept that maybe some of the problems i deal with might be things that i should accept cause either way I feel shame if i have these thoughts, and i think that being that person is shameful. I'm struggling these days and I noticed I have thoughts about God not being real, not helping me, questioning if its real and these thoughts makes me feel shame. But i keep accepting it cause Im tired that i feel like im lying to myself and everytime i feel like im avoiding the truth, so I try to accept it that its okay that im having these problems(I do the same with suicidal ocd,I start to accept maybe its real) but since im doing this I noticed it makes me depreassed cause of shame. Made things worse, I always spin about shame that it might be true, i try tk accept it but it doesnt work, I feel like maybe i should go back and label every feeling and thought as ocd but i know i wouldnt be free cause i would feel like im trying to make myself feel better... But if its ocd, how can I decide its that if I have the emotions like im losing my faith, I get angry when i hear about faith, sometimes i feel like i really question it, have thoughts like i dont want to have faith...

Religion & Spirituality OCD

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