- Date posted
- 1y
Is it normal?
Guys i feel like struggling with this on and off for 6 years makes me actually believe that this is not OCD and im just going through sexuality crisis or discovery phaseš
Guys i feel like struggling with this on and off for 6 years makes me actually believe that this is not OCD and im just going through sexuality crisis or discovery phaseš
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@banana128182 thats actually reassuringš„¹ but who knows? What if sexuality crisis and discovering yourself can be 6 years long and even longer? It scares me because for many people it took a long time to admit that they areš even though i know few people who had SOOCD for 10 years.
@banana128182 Thank youš«¶š¼ of course my mind is now telling me that I KNOW and that im just afraid of admitting itš¢ omg this is actually so scaryā¦.well yea, im afraid of being gay. My mind is tricky because it makes me question if i was gay since childhood and i didnt know itā¹ļø i guess i have some false memories or what
@banana128182 Thats true. But idk i might have experiencing false memories⦠š£
@banana128182 yea i get itš«¶š¼ i have so many thoughts. Like normaly i always naturally imagined myself and making scenarios of me having a boyfriend one day, kissing, having sex etc. And now when i do think about that sometimes it even makes me feel anxious. Or i get thoughts like āYou wouldnt like itā and then i get thought of me hating itšš but at the same time it bothers me that what if i wont like it etc. (Ive never done it). And though of kissing a girl gave me anxiety yesterday when i was imagining it and it felt like i want to do itš£
@ninkaninga I think I might be the person youāre referring to with SOOCD for ten yearsā¦Iām still here. I have the exact same worries as you. It started when I was 12 and Iām 22 nowā Iām terrified that I just canāt admit it to myself because I have a lot of evidence. Iām here with you.
@missbluesky Thank youšim happy that someone is there like meā¦.Iām also scared that i have lot of evidence. But what is the lot of evidence? Does it actually mean the ātruthā? š
@ninkaninga Iām really hoping itās not the truth. I cannot accept being a lesbian.
I been dealing with this stuff since I was 13, and from 13 to 17 it was on and off, it wasn't every day, I just had a though now and then, but from 17 to now, it's been everydat shit, feelings, thoughs, memories, honestly it just feel like the real "self discovery" stuff
@Nicolas:) From 14 and 15 it was on and off for me, then since i was 16 to 17 it was also everyday shit, but also at 18ā¦it was more like a week fine and a week bad, then it somehow again went away i was fine when i was 19 and now im 20 and idk it started again, im waking up with anxiety, and have these thoughts, but it really depends because for example yesterday i cried whole day feeling like i want to kill myself and today im okay. But what i do everyday is googling and reading and checking on internet and im analyze my past in my mind alwaysš
@ninkaninga - Yeah I understand that, I also google and analyze, and to be honest, most of the time I loose, like the more I think about the past, the more it feels like this memory of me liking a dude it's real, the only reason I havent give up yet it's cause I had like an idea that I wasn't into dudes before, but idk, maybe I'm just stuborn
@Nicolas:) when im doing fine i actually like an idea of dating a guy, but when i do have anxiety and these thoughtsā¦.even the idea of dating a guy makes me anxious,and dating a woman either. But when i do feel better i dont have desires to date a woman.
@ninkaninga - Well idk, I no longer have the desire to date any woman, I don't think I'm able to developed a crush on a woman anymore, and it seems like almost any dude I met I like some kind of way. And when I feel better, I just don't think about the whole thing, so mine might actually be denial, but yours sounds like OCD
Sort of a rant that probably sounds stupid and Iām kind of seeking reassurance⦠Iām still a relatively young teenager so I know Iāve got time to work all this out but Iām really confused about my sexuality. (Iām a girl) Iāve never been in a relationship (I donāt know if I want to be which is why Iām writing this) and sometimes I feel like Iāve never really had a crush and I just convinced myself that I did because I wanted to feel normal⦠but then maybe thatās false memory ocd??? I donāt really want to be in a long term relationship with a guy and idk about girls but idk if thatās just cos of my age??? Some days I hate the idea of ever dating, marrying or doing anything sexual. Other days I wish my mental / physical health was better so I could date someone! Everything I feel goes up and down a lot and idk why!? I have bad sexual intrusive thoughts that make me unsure whether anything that I think is real and my parents recently split up after not getting along for a few years. I donāt know if itās my age, my ocd, my parents bad relationship, my sexuality (am I attracted to guys, girls? Am I ace!!!!???) Or something else but I have no idea who I am and I KNOW Iām young and have time but some other perspectives might help???? Can I ever be in a relationship if I have ocd like this? Also Iām really struggling not to compulsively seek reassurance and I donāt know who to talk to about all this irl I know I probably shouldnāt share this with random strangers but also idek if I care anymore š
Hey everyone, Iām reaching out because Iāve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and Iām hoping someone can relate or shed light on whatās happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didnāt do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: āWhat if Iām gay?ā Since then, itās been absolute hell. Iāve always been into womenāemotionally, sexually, everything. Iāve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: ⢠A thought pops in ā panic ⢠Try to solve it ā brief relief ⢠Another thought ā worse panic ⢠Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldnāt feel anything at allātoward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like Iāve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of ātruthā like āIām definitely gayāāonly for it to fade into numbness again. Iāve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like āSee? Now youāre accepting it. That means itās true.ā Therapy hasnāt helped much so farāit felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didnāt clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now Iām back to thinking āWhat if Iām just rejecting my truth?ā Iām exhausted. Iāve lost connection to everything I used to love. ⢠I want to love my girl again the way I used to ⢠I want to feel desire without overthinking ⢠I want to trust myself again Iām not looking for reassuranceāI just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
I have a lot of trouble with my sexuality. Iāve been trying to figure out my sexuality for years. Iāve dated a man, and I wasnāt really into the whole time. And since then Iāve thought that maybe Iām a lesbian because Iām attracted to women, which I know for sure. But then my brain spirals, I constantly think back ti memories with my ex, how I felt with him, I check how it makes me feel. I often google to see if other lesbians have felt similar, I ask ChatGpt over and over again. I feel like I have to be 100% certain or that im faking for attention, or thst Iāll end up with a man. I guess im wondering has anyone else felt like this ? Whatās been your experience how do you manage it?
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