Is it normal?

@banana128182 thats actually reassuring🥹 but who knows? What if sexuality crisis and discovering yourself can be 6 years long and even longer? It scares me because for many people it took a long time to admit that they are😕 even though i know few people who had SOOCD for 10 years.

@banana128182 Thank you🫶🏼 of course my mind is now telling me that I KNOW and that im just afraid of admitting it😢 omg this is actually so scary….well yea, im afraid of being gay. My mind is tricky because it makes me question if i was gay since childhood and i didnt know it☹️ i guess i have some false memories or what

@banana128182 Thats true. But idk i might have experiencing false memories… 😣

@banana128182 yea i get it🫶🏼 i have so many thoughts. Like normaly i always naturally imagined myself and making scenarios of me having a boyfriend one day, kissing, having sex etc. And now when i do think about that sometimes it even makes me feel anxious. Or i get thoughts like “You wouldnt like it” and then i get thought of me hating it😔😔 but at the same time it bothers me that what if i wont like it etc. (Ive never done it). And though of kissing a girl gave me anxiety yesterday when i was imagining it and it felt like i want to do it😣

@ninkaninga I think I might be the person you’re referring to with SOOCD for ten years…I’m still here. I have the exact same worries as you. It started when I was 12 and I’m 22 now— I’m terrified that I just can’t admit it to myself because I have a lot of evidence. I’m here with you.

@missbluesky Thank you😊im happy that someone is there like me….I’m also scared that i have lot of evidence. But what is the lot of evidence? Does it actually mean the “truth”? 😞

@ninkaninga I’m really hoping it’s not the truth. I cannot accept being a lesbian.

@Nicolas:) From 14 and 15 it was on and off for me, then since i was 16 to 17 it was also everyday shit, but also at 18…it was more like a week fine and a week bad, then it somehow again went away i was fine when i was 19 and now im 20 and idk it started again, im waking up with anxiety, and have these thoughts, but it really depends because for example yesterday i cried whole day feeling like i want to kill myself and today im okay. But what i do everyday is googling and reading and checking on internet and im analyze my past in my mind always😞

@ninkaninga - Yeah I understand that, I also google and analyze, and to be honest, most of the time I loose, like the more I think about the past, the more it feels like this memory of me liking a dude it's real, the only reason I havent give up yet it's cause I had like an idea that I wasn't into dudes before, but idk, maybe I'm just stuborn

@Nicolas:) when im doing fine i actually like an idea of dating a guy, but when i do have anxiety and these thoughts….even the idea of dating a guy makes me anxious,and dating a woman either. But when i do feel better i dont have desires to date a woman.

@ninkaninga - Well idk, I no longer have the desire to date any woman, I don't think I'm able to developed a crush on a woman anymore, and it seems like almost any dude I met I like some kind of way. And when I feel better, I just don't think about the whole thing, so mine might actually be denial, but yours sounds like OCD