- Date posted
- 1y
Is it normal?
Guys i feel like struggling with this on and off for 6 years makes me actually believe that this is not OCD and im just going through sexuality crisis or discovery phaseš
Guys i feel like struggling with this on and off for 6 years makes me actually believe that this is not OCD and im just going through sexuality crisis or discovery phaseš
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@banana128182 thats actually reassuringš„¹ but who knows? What if sexuality crisis and discovering yourself can be 6 years long and even longer? It scares me because for many people it took a long time to admit that they areš even though i know few people who had SOOCD for 10 years.
@banana128182 Thank youš«¶š¼ of course my mind is now telling me that I KNOW and that im just afraid of admitting itš¢ omg this is actually so scaryā¦.well yea, im afraid of being gay. My mind is tricky because it makes me question if i was gay since childhood and i didnt know itā¹ļø i guess i have some false memories or what
@banana128182 Thats true. But idk i might have experiencing false memories⦠š£
@banana128182 yea i get itš«¶š¼ i have so many thoughts. Like normaly i always naturally imagined myself and making scenarios of me having a boyfriend one day, kissing, having sex etc. And now when i do think about that sometimes it even makes me feel anxious. Or i get thoughts like āYou wouldnt like itā and then i get thought of me hating itšš but at the same time it bothers me that what if i wont like it etc. (Ive never done it). And though of kissing a girl gave me anxiety yesterday when i was imagining it and it felt like i want to do itš£
@ninkaninga I think I might be the person youāre referring to with SOOCD for ten yearsā¦Iām still here. I have the exact same worries as you. It started when I was 12 and Iām 22 nowā Iām terrified that I just canāt admit it to myself because I have a lot of evidence. Iām here with you.
@missbluesky Thank youšim happy that someone is there like meā¦.Iām also scared that i have lot of evidence. But what is the lot of evidence? Does it actually mean the ātruthā? š
@ninkaninga Iām really hoping itās not the truth. I cannot accept being a lesbian.
I been dealing with this stuff since I was 13, and from 13 to 17 it was on and off, it wasn't every day, I just had a though now and then, but from 17 to now, it's been everydat shit, feelings, thoughs, memories, honestly it just feel like the real "self discovery" stuff
@Nicolas:) From 14 and 15 it was on and off for me, then since i was 16 to 17 it was also everyday shit, but also at 18ā¦it was more like a week fine and a week bad, then it somehow again went away i was fine when i was 19 and now im 20 and idk it started again, im waking up with anxiety, and have these thoughts, but it really depends because for example yesterday i cried whole day feeling like i want to kill myself and today im okay. But what i do everyday is googling and reading and checking on internet and im analyze my past in my mind alwaysš
@ninkaninga - Yeah I understand that, I also google and analyze, and to be honest, most of the time I loose, like the more I think about the past, the more it feels like this memory of me liking a dude it's real, the only reason I havent give up yet it's cause I had like an idea that I wasn't into dudes before, but idk, maybe I'm just stuborn
@Nicolas:) when im doing fine i actually like an idea of dating a guy, but when i do have anxiety and these thoughtsā¦.even the idea of dating a guy makes me anxious,and dating a woman either. But when i do feel better i dont have desires to date a woman.
@ninkaninga - Well idk, I no longer have the desire to date any woman, I don't think I'm able to developed a crush on a woman anymore, and it seems like almost any dude I met I like some kind of way. And when I feel better, I just don't think about the whole thing, so mine might actually be denial, but yours sounds like OCD
Hey everyone, Iām reaching out because Iāve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and Iām hoping someone can relate or shed light on whatās happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didnāt do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: āWhat if Iām gay?ā Since then, itās been absolute hell. Iāve always been into womenāemotionally, sexually, everything. Iāve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: ⢠A thought pops in ā panic ⢠Try to solve it ā brief relief ⢠Another thought ā worse panic ⢠Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldnāt feel anything at allātoward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like Iāve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of ātruthā like āIām definitely gayāāonly for it to fade into numbness again. Iāve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like āSee? Now youāre accepting it. That means itās true.ā Therapy hasnāt helped much so farāit felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didnāt clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now Iām back to thinking āWhat if Iām just rejecting my truth?ā Iām exhausted. Iāve lost connection to everything I used to love. ⢠I want to love my girl again the way I used to ⢠I want to feel desire without overthinking ⢠I want to trust myself again Iām not looking for reassuranceāI just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
I really need help understanding what Iām going through. For a long time now, Iāve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental āpullā toward certain women ā itās not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I canāt explain ā sometimes I think itās just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: āYou felt something, so you must be gay,ā or āYouāre hiding something.ā I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they donāt feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself ā I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didnāt. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I donāt want to lie to myself or live in denial, but Iām exhausted. It feels like Iām being mentally forced to feel something that isnāt mine. Iām 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I canāt help feeling like Iāve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? Iām so scared that Iāll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
I have a lot of trouble with my sexuality. Iāve been trying to figure out my sexuality for years. Iāve dated a man, and I wasnāt really into the whole time. And since then Iāve thought that maybe Iām a lesbian because Iām attracted to women, which I know for sure. But then my brain spirals, I constantly think back ti memories with my ex, how I felt with him, I check how it makes me feel. I often google to see if other lesbians have felt similar, I ask ChatGpt over and over again. I feel like I have to be 100% certain or that im faking for attention, or thst Iāll end up with a man. I guess im wondering has anyone else felt like this ? Whatās been your experience how do you manage it?
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