- Date posted
- 1y
small rant
Just need to rant a little bit. I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for a LONG time now and every time I see a super masculine lesbian where they literally look like a man I feel like idk what it’s called but it’s like the giddiness and the attraction i used to feel for guys all the time before this started. I was on instagram 20 min ago and i was like “oh wow HES cute im finally getting my attraction back” n then it’s a fucking woman. Then i begin to spiral but since i’ve been dealing with this for a long time im better at managing my anxiety. It just annoying because i feel like im losing hope in just want this to end. I feel sad ab it but now im just annoyed bc WHYYYY THE FUCK AM I STILL THINKING AB THESE THINGS. When this started i was a boy crazy teenager and one day on instagram fucked it up for me. I immediately got flashbacks of all the “gay” or “experimental” things i’ve done, said, thought, or felt in the past. fast forward to now, I have no libido, i don’t find anyone attractive, i get the groinal response thing all the time still, im still depressed (but doing way better), and the fact that i’ve been dealing with this for so long makes me panic even more. I’d do anything to get my brain to stop doing this to me im so tired of this. Short and boring rant but that’s all i had to say.