Please pray

man these few weeks have been so hard. i’m in the process of getting diagnosed with ocd, im almost positive i have it because everything on here relates to me on an insane level. but im just so scared dude. these thoughts of me harming someone are so scary and im so scared im gonna eventually act on them and i know i never want to but its still so scary. like sometimes when i talk to my mom about it i think in the back of my head “you know you want to” when i dont, and it makes me think or gets me scared that i do. these thoughts literally just happened out of nowhere and it messes me up so bad my literal perspective on life in general is just messed up. like i view life as its more common to be a bad person and its rare/hard to be good. can someone please just pray for me or just wish me better days. i dont even like looking at myself anymore and im scared i give off creepy vibes to myself or others now, this sucks so much

Man… it’s like, if I get over one obsession, another comes, and when I run out of new obsessions, old ones come back. Do I… not know how to be content? It reminds me of when Ru Paul told Katya, “You’re addicted to the anxiety.” I don’t know how to change this, but I’m glad I’m recognizing it. It’s awful — I can’t let myself be happy without punishing myself for my past mistakes, and honestly, I just have to just let myself be human. Gonna try meditating and reading more. Any other tips greatly appreciated.

About 2 months ago, I started to worry about making bad prayers. I have meta ocd so it was very complicated. My brain would essentially stimulate me to make certain prayers by praying for every possible thing, showing how easy it was to do. It was so bad I initially tried sleeping, and anything to avoid bad prayers, but that wasn’t enough. I kept imagining people yelling at me to not make prayers. Eventually, I was fed up with it, and felt like I got washed up with a wave of anger towards those people in my head (I imagined them being real people), and ended up praying “if someone says something online that’s going to lead to me being triggered and killing myself, kill them first please,” with at least a feeling of anger towards people. Then immediately after I didn’t care and thought “woah woah woah.” I don’t know why this happened. Maybe it’s a part of it. But it felt targeted and malicious.