ocd is controlling my life

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

Username: woahitsashwoahitsash

Date posted: 22w ago

I totally relate to obsessing over relationships. I'm constantly worried if I actually like the people around me, even the people in my family and my partner. It's really weird and it makes me question things so much and I can never tell if my brain's telling me the truth or not. I'm really sorry to hear you got hospitalized, that on it's own sounds like hell. you're definitely not alone🫶

Username: monica<3monica<3

Date posted: 22w ago

@woahitsash i empathize heavy on the “i can never tell if my brains telling me the truth or not”. it’s hard to know what feelings are real and what’s my mental illness talking. it’s horrible living inside of our own heads :/ I hospitalized myself, which is one of the hardest things i have ever done. i was fully convinced that i was never going to be released and that i was just crazy, but they do let you out eventually! you’re not alone as well🫶

Username: Dev12_Dev12_

Date posted: 22w ago

It’s so reassuring to read this because I’ve been going through this too. I obsess over my friends all the time and wonder if I actually like them or how they are towards me and if they’re real friends and it’s so stressful because I can’t tell whether it’s genuine curiosity or an obsession. Don’t worry you’re not alone, and with your therapist you have to remember the truths of this, they’re licensed so you kinda just have to open up no matter what. I got fears about this app and that me jotting down the compulsions and obsessions I face would cause the fears to come true. But I kinda had to fight through it and do it anyway because I know the truths of it, this is a safe space for me. It’s not easy at all but open up to your therapist about how you feel about them, they’ll understand. Remember the “what ifs” are never true. You’re aware it’s all in your head. I know exactly what you’re feeling, I always think I’m lying to myself about my possible ocd (haven’t been diagnosed) and that maybe I’m just overthinking it despite all of my hours of research and experiences. It’s real. And with the relationship part, I’ve been there too, I’ve questioned mine many of times based on my partners. I would think to myself what if I’m actually gay and just lying to myself even though I know I’m not and so on. But they’re just thoughts at the end of the day. I hope this helped, I’m not gonna make this too long but don’t worry, there are people that understand you. You’re not alone.

Username: monica<3monica<3

Date posted: 22w ago

@Dev12_ i’m so glad i’m not alone in this! OCD is so debilitating and has ruined relationships for me in the past, i’m so afraid of ruining this one. thank you for sharing with me and reminding me that although this illness makes us think that we’re alone, that we actually aren’t. i’m so sorry you’re going through a similar experience. i wish you well in your recovery ❤️ hopefully you can get diagnosed soon!! i still don’t believe my diagnosis 😂 i plan on talking with my therapist soon about it. it’s hard because sometimes talking about it makes it worse/ doesn’t help with my obsessions :/

Username: Dev12_Dev12_

Date posted: 22w ago

@Anonymous Of course I’m glad I could help make you feel that way and thank you so much I truly hope I can get a diagnosis soon, I don’t want it to get worse 🥹, and that’s so real about the not believing it part, I probably won’t believe mine for a while. And just using this app made me start thinking through my symptoms and believing I’m just talking nonsense. But anyway I hope things get better for you and you get the help you need. 💕

Username: monica<3monica<3

Date posted: 22w ago

@Dev12_ i empathize on the not wanting to get worse part. i’m so afraid of getting bad again and needing to go back to the hospital. i do a lot of google reassurance 😂 you’re not talking nonsense! i think our brains are really good at trying to convince us that we’re making stuff up. i hope things get better for you as well! thank you💖

Username: hihey

Date posted: 4y ago

I’m new to this app and just wanted to share my story. As a young girl I definitely had compulsions. My mom always told me she would take me to a psychiatrist (I would cry when people sat on my bed). Anyways, as I got older I definitely grew out of a lot of things. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD but I have GAD. I know I definitely have OCD because I have done a lot of research. Recently I have really, really been struggling with HOCD. I’ve never experienced this before, and that’s why it’s making it more scary. I’m a young adult woman and have been in a very serious relationship with a male for many years. I love him so much. I am also very athletic and not very girly. I always loved the fact that I was a guys gal, but lately it has made me super insecure. A lot of people at school assume I’m bisexual because I’m super pro LGBTQ rights and idk? Idk why I give off that “vibe”. It never bothered me, I always thought it was funny, and I have no issue with being gay, but I’m definitely not?! During this quarantine my guy friends have said I have way way more guy friends than girl friends, someone asked my teammate if I was bisexual, and I have never had an orgasm from my boyfriend. It started really getting in my head and I keep being like “am I gay and that’s why I don’t orgasm”. This seems so pathetic and writing this actually helps and makes me realize there is no way I like women. But anyways THE THOUGHTS DO NOT STOP. I keep worrying that I do not know myself, and maybe I don’t love my bf, and maybe other people see something I don’t. Anyways, how can I help myself? I am noticing I’m reassuring and checking and starting compulsions

Username: TofuIndulger

Date posted: 1y ago

Stuck

Hey everyone. This is my first post here and it’s probably going to be a long one because I guess I feel comfortable enough to be open here. I need help. When I first got diagnosed with OCD, I figured it only impacted a small part of my life. I thought I was only affected with compulsions and obsessions that dealt with contamination, tangible perfectionism and the obvious intrusive thoughts and that’s it. Well, I’ve come to realize that most of my thinking has been impacted by OCD. At this point the only way to describe how it feels to me is a forest of thorny vines growing in place of my mind or maybe through and around my brain constantly growing every-time I give into this type of thinking (which is basically all the time because I wasn’t aware this was OCD). I’ve definitely felt it more recently, but I know it’s always been there from what I recall from past memories. I got diagnosed not so long ago with OCD and I was happy to because it explained this thing I knew was wrong with me but I didn’t know how much it will and has impacted me in the past. So, I think I’ve created a matrix in my mind or strengthened the OCD thought patterns because now I feel like my OCD impacts everything I do. And I guess I’m saying I need help here because maybe you guys will be able to see it, maybe validate me and point me where I can get help. I’ve been telling the people around me, I think my thinking is disordered and I need help but I don’t think they really understand the amount it’s affecting me or grasp what I meant when I say “I Need Help”. I did have a therapist before but because of a insurance change, she can’t work with me anymore and I’m not sure when I’ll get another (just to clarify). Back to the matter, the past couple of months I’ve been in my head just thinking and thinking. About everything. To the point where my head starts to hurt or until I feel sick of thinking about it but I can’t. I find that’s my obsessions and compulsions (other than the need for order [which can also be mental]) are very mentally based and I find myself ashamed of them so I hide them so maybe that’s why the people around me don’t feel my need for getting help as much as I do. Anyways, examples of this have been, -constantly thinking about what’s the purpose of all of life and the hidden messages in life -feeling like if I don’t do everything perfectly then what the point or being very mad at myself -being obsessed with how I present to the rest of the world sometimes even in close relationships -having calculated movements and actions (having to move my body a certain way or it doesn’t feel right) -obsessing over an absolute truth -questioning friendships and other relationships - obsessing over achievements or failures -obsessing over people -obsessing over decisions and outcomes because I want to make the perfect decisions I could go on and on but basically it’s just a lot of thinking and ruminating and obsessing to the point where people tell me I look like I’m some where else all the time. And I’ve started to feel like I find comfort in it now. I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I feel like it’s all just OCD. And same goes for my dissociation. I feel like they all root from my OCD. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time and without my therapist I feel like I’m stuck here. I can’t make decisions, I’m never present, I can’t make or keep friendships/ relationships, everything impacts me deeply because I create a emotional obsession to it, I can’t just be without questioning everything and I’m constantly in my head. I’ve also started getting high all the time because I feel like it’s the only way to escape my brain but I’ve felt like it’s getting out of hand. I’m starting to lose in any type of hope of getting better. Does anyone have an advice for working on OCD by yourself or identifying when it’s OCD (especially mental obsessions and compulsions) so I can start to chip at this boulder that’s weighing down my life and energy?

Username: Chicken07

Date posted: 1y ago

new to this app

hello, I’m a young adult with extreme ocd that I’ve been struggling with since I was little it’s to the point where things like walking eating writing or driving has become almost an impossible task. how do some of you try to differ your ocd thoughts? even when I try to ignore them I’ll have panic attacks until I go back and do whatever my brain is telling me. I feel helpless my doctor has told me I have the worst case of ocd she’s ever seen and she “doesn’t know what to do with me” I’m just starting to feel hopeless

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ocd is controlling my life

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