Pocd new friend HELP

@BigGyro09 thank you for ur comment. i do feel weird talking to people younger than me because i am 18, so they are considered a minor and i am not. my pocd was really bad when i would date people younger than me(2 years max if they r younger, anything more than that is weird to me, i have no limit going older tho). i guess my issue in this situation is smoking 🌳, me and her both do, and bonded over talking about it. i just feel like a terrible adult if i do smoke with her even though she is a grade below me. sometimes i wish to avoid anyone younger because of my ocd, but i feel like that isn’t the way to go about it, but when i try to interact with them it makes my ocd worse. Ugh

@co653 Maybe you can talk about what it is it that makes her smoke? I can understand POCD being really bad with people younger than you. For me, it's sometimes difficult talking with those that are 18 or 19. Do you want to talk her out of smoking? Do you think it would be better if you both stopped smoking in the end? I know it would probably be difficult to just talk to her because of her age difference and how much it bothers you though

@BigGyro09 i don’t know. im just scared and getting thoughts “what if i end up liking her” idk why i got intrusive thoughts like that but im scared because ive been with people 2 years younger and im scared it makes me a p, and what started all of this was me being scared that me smoking with her is reinforcing bad behavior and it’s even worse bc im considered an “adult”

@co653 I see. Maybe you can tell her that she shouldn't be smoking and perhaps you shouldn't be either? Remember, this all happened when you didn't know her age. You hung out with her as if she were an adult, but since you now know, it's different. Another thing to remember is you both are in an environment of high school and she was only a grade below you. I think it's your OCD blowing things out of proportion and trying to remove context of things.

@BigGyro09 we actually didn’t hangout yet at all! am I wrong for wanting to smoke with her? does it matter about her age? i think ocd is blowing this out of proportion lol

@co653 OCD is definitely blowing this out of proportion for sure. I don't even think it's fair to say it was wrong because it was only something you two had in common before knowing her age. After you knew, it doesn't sound like you'd want to smoke with her anymore. Maybe you'd even tell her to stop. But yeah, OCD like it does for everything else, it blows things out of proportion.

@BigGyro09 thank you. how do I shake the thoughts of “what if u end up liking her or wanting to pursue her” I always get these when it comes to someone younger, even if I do not like them like that.

@co653 You know what's true and you know what's OCD. The only way for it to not bother you is to accept the thought, which is not agreeing with it. Maybe applying maybe maybe not can also help. It's really hard though. You'll feel like you have to talk about it on here to get reassurance perhaps but it just comes back. I'm sorry this bothers you

@BigGyro09 Thank you, I’m sorry if my comments are annoying and repetitive. Idk why this bothers me. I’ve dated people two years younger, so idk why this is even bothering me, it’s the same thing. I feel like im never gonna be able to NOT worry. Because there are so many moments where im like “this is so stupid… ur OKAY. UR NOT A BAD PERSON STFU!” And I realize it’s all just ocd. But then boom, all the anxiety and worries come back and it’s like all my progress is gone.

@co653 Everyone I've seen that talks about this small age gap isn't bothered by it. Plus, you're both still in high school. I would only say it's not okay if a senior tried getting with a freshman because that's 13 and 17. You don't have to apologize for this. It's just your OCD being annoying. That's unfortunately how it is. You know that you aren't that kind of person but it still isn't enough to make the false thoughts go away. There will be those moments of clarity but it still doesn't make it all go away. Do you have a therapist to help you with this?

@BigGyro09 Oh yeah that’s for sure gross lol reading that made me cringe, as I have been the freshman in that situation LOL! I always told myself 1-2 year age gaps are fine, anything more than that is weird and pushing it extremely. Bigger age gaps are fine only for 23+ you know what I mean ?To where the age gap isn’t a significant difference. Anyways, I do have a therapist, I have a session soon, it’s not an ocd therapist, just a regular one (I dunno the real name for it) but I try not to engage in talk therapy about ocd bc it just makes it worse. I don’t have insurance for a therapist on here

@co653 I'm sorry that you've been in that position. I hope nothing bad happened there. I agree that there can be bigger age gaps when around mid twenties. If talk therapy is making things worse, that's something to be mindful of. You need to focus on exposure work for things to work out with OCD. Does your therapist have a significant enough understanding on how OCD works? There have been so many bad age gaps that have been outed online like YouTubers and streamers talking to people twice or three times as young as they are and it's really disturbing. I can't help but compare that to my situation at times. I hope things get better with your therapist.

@BigGyro09 She does sorta, she agrees on the maybe maybe not and directing ur focus on stuff other then ur thoughts. I agree with the last part like ive never done a bad terrible p- age gap like those people have been exposed for, but for some reason I can’t help but compare as well. Thank you. I wish u healing also