Pocd public

I have a balcony where I live and it’s right next to the pool. I go out there frequently to smoke, but most of the time people are frequently there whether it’s adults or kids sometimes im by myself. But when there are kids sometimes im scared that the parents think im weird for being out there on my balcony a lot. And sometimes if they scream or are playing or if someone is walking by I’ll look over but im scared the parents think im watching their kids in a weird way. Also sometimes i just like to look at people in public idk if thats weird, not stare, just observe what’s going on i like human interaction and also if its kids playing it gives me a feeling of nostalgia and missing that time. So im just scared what if parents think im a p??? for being out here?? I am just out here smoking and I go on my phone, I am a girl and not even past 20 so I hope they know im just sitting out here to smoke :( im just scared. And my brain is telling me im only worried because i am a p and im fooling everyone around me

Caeles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Heya! I noticed you posted some similar things earlier. This is probably a compulsion of seeking reassurance on a topic. That said, it's an incredibly difficult topic to struggle with, and the uncertainty is incredibly hard to handle. Take some deep breaths, and as the thoughts and fears enter when you're by your window looking out over the world, allow them to pass by just as quickly. Try not to focus on them (a much easier task to describe than to actually do) and observe other things in your environment without doing so compulsively. You will probably feel anxious and uncomfortable for a while, but it will pass, and the next time it arises as the fears come they will go quicker than the last time. Allowing for uncertainty and feeling less anxious is not a linear journey, I certainly struggle still even though I've improved a great deal since therapy. There may be days where you feel better and feel less anxious, and then the next day the anxieties return and you feel like you're back to square one. But it's a journey nonetheless, and one that's worth taking. I describe it as climbing a ladder; you may feel like you slip down from time to time but it won't be to the bottom rung, as you work towards allowing for uncertainty and doing things like ERP practice, even when if feels like you slide backwards you won't be as low as you started. Take some time for yourself, drink some water and take a break. I hope all is well and that you have a good morning/evening wherever you are

dee012

Date posted: 1y

@Caeles Thank you for your comment. It helped a lot. Uncertainty really bothers me and it suck’s because uncertainty is everywhere, it’s just my brain picks out extremely wild uncertainties and worries which freaks me out and it affects my life in many ways. I hate this theme so much, it scares me. I would much rather have any other theme.

Caeles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@co653 Glad it could help! I hope in the future you're able to have more ability to handle uncertainty, it's a difficult thing to learn. And when having other themes it can feel just as scary and anxiety inducing as this one, but I agree this one in particular is very hard to work through. Try and be patient with yourself and I hope things feel better soon

dee012

Date posted: 1y

Also my window in my room has no blinds and sometimes I change and realize people might be able to see me and I get scared and hide or just hurry up and leave the room or something. So im scared that people can see me and also think im a p for doing that. I don’t do it for any bad reason. The blinds to my window broke and fell off. I’m scared

emma345

Date posted: 23w

POCD please someone answer

17f I was taking a bus and there was a group of children taking it too, like a kindergarten group. I tried to find a place where I thought children are not going to sit but one sat next to me anyway And the thing is that when I need to pee I become a bit physically aroused? Idk I've googled it and it's not that uncommon. Also the vibration from the bus gives me a bit of a groinal response yk since I sit on a seat which vibrates I mean I wasn't even really aroused that much it was a light sensation which was easy to ignore because I was on my phone But im scared I'm like a predator or something cause I didn't leave the bus immediately and had a groinal response when the kid was next to me I dont worry that it was the kid who was the reason of it (I mean not yet maybe I will freak out about it later) I'm just scared it's not appropriate to feel something like that while im next to a child even if he is not the reason of it But I tried to just ignore it and thought that I'm probably being dramatic After couple stops I got too anxious and got off the bus to wait to the next one which I hoped is not going to be full of kids But I'm scared that I'm a bad person and a sexual predator cause I didn't leave immediately after I had this thoughts While writing this post I got on another bus and sat at a seat but there js a child on the bus too not next to me but still not that far from me but I'm scared because of social anxiety people will look at me weirdly if I randomly change seats after I already sat but at the same time what if I'm being a pervert Like I don't even see the kid and stuff but still I'm scared am I a pervert or something Like is it predatory to be aroused near a child? Like the child is not the reason of it, u just are, and I wadnt purposely making myself aroused I just couldn't really help it But maybe I should've left the bus immediately? I mean I did but only after a couple stops because I thought that maybe is not that much of a big deal and I'm being dramatic

Idontknow

Date posted: 18w

Pocd

I’m scared I might become a r*pist I’m over here thinking at a time I saw a kid and I looked down at his pants like I keep thinking about what I did and it’s like I feel attracted and to me it felt like I gave him this predator look and he probably thinks I’m a P I just wonder how is this Pocd Because it feels like I want to do stuff like I don’t know I keep thinking about that situation

Givenup

Date posted: 13w

Pocd and my situation

Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...

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