h.1
- Date posted
- 5y
BlessedJTWBlessedJTW
- Date posted
- 5y
Hello! I’ve read your post and I’m so thankful that you’ve shared your experience. First, I want to say that you are not alone. Second, hear me say that you are not a pedofile. The fact that you fear being attracted to a children or committing some act shows that this is actually a fear/anxiety based disorder. True pedofiles live with secret desires and fantasy’s about their attraction. Some of them, unfortunately act on these desires. You, however are different. You take no pleasure in these thoughts. They are intrusive thoughts. They manifest from your obsessive compulsive mind. You fear what you hate. You hate pedofila and you fear that you will one day become one. You have no desire to be a pedofile, but fear that one day you will become what your thoughts accuse you of already being. But the truth is, you are not a pedofile. The fact you recognize pedoflia as being morally wrong and are able to discern that your thoughts are undesired shows that pedofila does not have full control over you. In fact, you have control over it. You have the choice to be the person you want to be. You could chose to act upon these thoughts. Or you could chose to continue to call out these thoughts for what they are - false reality’s and obsessive compulsive disorders. Don’t give in to the temptation to act on these thoughts to “check” yourself or prove to yourself that your not. Believe that these thoughts are only thoughts and that this is as bad as it will become. If you only accept that this thoughts are not based on my sexuality and is a product of OCD, you can make it through today. If you accept that because you will never give in to the compulsion to act on the pedofila temptations these thoughts are frustrating you with, you’ll never become what you fear. These thoughts then, will only ever be thoughts. They have no life and no room to grow. You have the power to decide how much effect this has over you. Stuff them out by accepting that you’ll never be what they accuse you of. Call them out for what they are - “I hear you, thoughts. I hear your lies, you accuse me of being a pedofile. I am not and I never will be because I decide how I respond to you. You need me to have life. I don’t need you. You may bother me today, but I will never let you win.”
h.1h.1
- Date posted
- 5y
Thankyou so much for that. I’m going to think about this when I’m struggling and I’m really going to try and do this. It can be so scary but comments like yours, although of course they can’t make it go away, help massively as they remind me of why I do already know but forget so easily when consumed by the fear. Thankyou!!
Grace Grace
- Date posted
- 5y
The fact that those intrusive thoughts make you feel EVIL and Disgusting just shows you’re a GOOD person. An evil person would not feel bad for having those thoughts. Talk to a therapist about exposure and response. It really helped me overcome this fear of pocd! I had it last year and ERP worked.
FernandoVFernandoV
- Date posted
- 5y
Sorry you are going through that. I have been there, walked in your shoes exactly a year ago. It has been the darkest time of my life, I have an 8 year old girl whom I adore so you can imagine how much I was suffering. Today my symptom s are pretty much zero so there is hope. However you need to put a lot of work - more than you think. I have read over 10 books on OCD, especially POCD, perfectionism and scrupolosity. I worked with many different therapists until I found an OCD specialist. I have done unaccountable hours of ERP, I have been part of many support groups. The reason I am telling you this is because many people want an easy way out. We are talking about transforming your life here so it won't be easy. I recommend that as you start your path to recovery you use this app wisely. Use it to ask questions and not to just complain and get reassured. Reassurance is the cocain for OCD - stay away from it. Accept the fact that the thoughts are present but also be aware that they are not you. Tons of people deal with the same thoughts but the problem is not the thoughts but how we react to them. I wish you the best. Cheer up - there is hope.
Myke GMyke G
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes and most ppl tend to react the way you did to ocd prior to any knowledge on how ocd actually wworks. What I can tell you that is learning to help yourself through education on ocd and practice really does make a huge difference because you empower yourself to change yourself. Try reading the book brain lock and a some of these articles. I'm not saying on e you understand ocd it will leave but I will say it's a important step forward. Hope this helps. https://psychcentral.com/blog/ocd-and-identity/ https://www.ocduk.org/ocd/types/
h.1h.1
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ll give them a read now. Thankyou!!
@Dee@Dee
- Date posted
- 5y
You aren’t alone, I have pocd too... ocd tends to flip our values on its head. I know it can be very very upsetting, but done let it define you... because it’s not really you talking. Your thoughts are just thoughts and you aren’t alone. Stay strong, you got this! Mine has been in remission for almost a year, you can do it!
@Dee@Dee
- Date posted
- 5y
Also the book mindfulness for ocd is super helpful it also has a workbook with helpful methods for pocd.
h.1h.1
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh Thankyou so much, I’ll check this out
Myke GMyke G
- Date posted
- 5y
Have you read any books on OCD yet?
h.1h.1
- Date posted
- 5y
I have read a short preview of ‘overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts’. I do want to buy the actual book but I haven’t yet. Are there any you would recommend?
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#@Janie2.0#
- Date posted
- 16w
Feeling the need to confess
Hi, the last few days I have again really struggled with my pocd however it has only been focussed on one child. I am afraid I might think something so bad that if the parents would know they would hate me forever and I won’t be allowed to come there anymore. I constantly feel the need to check if I can think of these horrible things and the find out I can, my thoughts get more disturbing everytime because I constantly fear I will think of something more disturbing. I really feel the need to confess because I just can’t believe the parent would ever want to see me again if they knew and therefore I am obligated to tell them. I feel I can never become a good person if I don’t confess this to them. I am also really trying to not confess within this post as I know it will only make things worse. Is there anyone that can relate to this and is it really possible to heal without confessing this? And also are there any tips of how I can get myself to sleep I am so sleep deprived I cannot even go to school anymore. I am in the process of seeking professional help however this process goes awfully slow and I really do not know what to do hence this post. So to summarise is it really possible to heal from pocd without confessing to the people I am hurting with the absolutely disturbing thoughts that I have, there not just thoughts a pedophile would have they are way worse.
jupiter
- Date posted
- 8w
I don’t know how to live anymore
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
jazzyj4799
- Date posted
- 7w
I’m Scared my undiagnosed POCD isn’t OCD
Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.
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