- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hello! I’ve read your post and I’m so thankful that you’ve shared your experience. First, I want to say that you are not alone. Second, hear me say that you are not a pedofile. The fact that you fear being attracted to a children or committing some act shows that this is actually a fear/anxiety based disorder. True pedofiles live with secret desires and fantasy’s about their attraction. Some of them, unfortunately act on these desires. You, however are different. You take no pleasure in these thoughts. They are intrusive thoughts. They manifest from your obsessive compulsive mind. You fear what you hate. You hate pedofila and you fear that you will one day become one. You have no desire to be a pedofile, but fear that one day you will become what your thoughts accuse you of already being. But the truth is, you are not a pedofile. The fact you recognize pedoflia as being morally wrong and are able to discern that your thoughts are undesired shows that pedofila does not have full control over you. In fact, you have control over it. You have the choice to be the person you want to be. You could chose to act upon these thoughts. Or you could chose to continue to call out these thoughts for what they are - false reality’s and obsessive compulsive disorders. Don’t give in to the temptation to act on these thoughts to “check” yourself or prove to yourself that your not. Believe that these thoughts are only thoughts and that this is as bad as it will become. If you only accept that this thoughts are not based on my sexuality and is a product of OCD, you can make it through today. If you accept that because you will never give in to the compulsion to act on the pedofila temptations these thoughts are frustrating you with, you’ll never become what you fear. These thoughts then, will only ever be thoughts. They have no life and no room to grow. You have the power to decide how much effect this has over you. Stuff them out by accepting that you’ll never be what they accuse you of. Call them out for what they are - “I hear you, thoughts. I hear your lies, you accuse me of being a pedofile. I am not and I never will be because I decide how I respond to you. You need me to have life. I don’t need you. You may bother me today, but I will never let you win.”
- Date posted
- 5y
Thankyou so much for that. I’m going to think about this when I’m struggling and I’m really going to try and do this. It can be so scary but comments like yours, although of course they can’t make it go away, help massively as they remind me of why I do already know but forget so easily when consumed by the fear. Thankyou!!
- Date posted
- 5y
The fact that those intrusive thoughts make you feel EVIL and Disgusting just shows you’re a GOOD person. An evil person would not feel bad for having those thoughts. Talk to a therapist about exposure and response. It really helped me overcome this fear of pocd! I had it last year and ERP worked.
- Date posted
- 5y
Sorry you are going through that. I have been there, walked in your shoes exactly a year ago. It has been the darkest time of my life, I have an 8 year old girl whom I adore so you can imagine how much I was suffering. Today my symptom s are pretty much zero so there is hope. However you need to put a lot of work - more than you think. I have read over 10 books on OCD, especially POCD, perfectionism and scrupolosity. I worked with many different therapists until I found an OCD specialist. I have done unaccountable hours of ERP, I have been part of many support groups. The reason I am telling you this is because many people want an easy way out. We are talking about transforming your life here so it won't be easy. I recommend that as you start your path to recovery you use this app wisely. Use it to ask questions and not to just complain and get reassured. Reassurance is the cocain for OCD - stay away from it. Accept the fact that the thoughts are present but also be aware that they are not you. Tons of people deal with the same thoughts but the problem is not the thoughts but how we react to them. I wish you the best. Cheer up - there is hope.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes and most ppl tend to react the way you did to ocd prior to any knowledge on how ocd actually wworks. What I can tell you that is learning to help yourself through education on ocd and practice really does make a huge difference because you empower yourself to change yourself. Try reading the book brain lock and a some of these articles. I'm not saying on e you understand ocd it will leave but I will say it's a important step forward. Hope this helps. https://psychcentral.com/blog/ocd-and-identity/ https://www.ocduk.org/ocd/types/
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ll give them a read now. Thankyou!!
- Date posted
- 5y
You aren’t alone, I have pocd too... ocd tends to flip our values on its head. I know it can be very very upsetting, but done let it define you... because it’s not really you talking. Your thoughts are just thoughts and you aren’t alone. Stay strong, you got this! Mine has been in remission for almost a year, you can do it!
- Date posted
- 5y
Also the book mindfulness for ocd is super helpful it also has a workbook with helpful methods for pocd.
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh Thankyou so much, I’ll check this out
- Date posted
- 5y
Have you read any books on OCD yet?
- Date posted
- 5y
I have read a short preview of ‘overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts’. I do want to buy the actual book but I haven’t yet. Are there any you would recommend?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I feel like one of the worst things about ocd are the disturbing images or the ‘little movies’ that replay in your head over and over again. I have the worst sexual images with one of my family members that actually so bad that I can’t even look in the mirror. And it’s even worse that I have a lovely boyfriend and I’m so disgusted of myself that I feel like I don’t deserve him and I feel like I can’t be with him because of these thoughts, even he is the most precious thing in my life. These sexual images are so horrible and what makes it even worse that in these pictures I always see myself as someone who enjoys it. I know how to deal with this anymore. My mind is trying to convince me that that I actually like these images and thoughts and this is the hardest part, that I’m doubting myself. These images pop up in my head so naturally that I always question myself if I actually don’t like it why it comes so naturally or how can my brain picture things like this if I don’t like it. It’s getting worse day by day. It’s in my head 24/7, can’t concentrate on anything else, I can’t eat because I’m constantly throwing up. And my mom has to sleep with me every night because I’m so disturbed by my own mind. My parents know that there’s something wrong with me, they think I’m depressed but sadly It’s not something I can talk openly about with them. I’m seeing a therapist next week but I’m genuinely scared to open up about these thoughts that I’m having.
- Date posted
- 24w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 11w
I got diagnosed with OCD (variant POCD) about 3/4 yeats ago. Lately I've been really confused and makes me uncomfortable this ideas that I've had dreams in my sleep where I have romantic/sexual interactions with my older sibling— I know it's disgusting, and I don't know what to do. Recently I got a boyfriend after years of being without a partner, and he makes me so happy along my friends, but sometimes at random points of the day I have this episodes with minors or my sibling, and the ones with him start to go heavier when I'm at home or alone. The first thing that comes to mind for me to do is always how much I don't wanna live, harm myself or what is my purpose at this point (22fem) having this problems. I feel weirded out when I pass them over, and suddendly think about not giving them the atention because how important they are in a negativa way. I'm just anxious writing this, I need help. Is someone living the same? How do you work on it? I will always be like this from now? — thanks in avance and sorry for mistakes, english isn't my first language
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