Drunk false memories?

Honestly, I used to be a heavy drinker. I would even haved classed myself as a low-level alcoholic! Drinking used to make my OCD so much worse the next day. I used to struggle with false memory OCD and drinking only exacerbated this for me. To be completely honest, there is no way of knowing what part of the details are real or false. This is what OCD thrives on. The fact is, we can never have 100% uncertainty about anything in life. OCD wants to be 100% certain about everything and anything in life, and this is why those of us with OCD get so caught out trying to remember every single tiny detail. We have to just accept the fact that we will never have 100% certainty surrounding this doubt/question in our mind, and we will be okay with this! You can handle not knowing for sure what happened! Even I sometimes, on a rare occasion nowadays, have an OCD flare-up. Yesterday I had an intrusive thought whilst doing a normally daily chore, and suddenly I started to question if I acted on the thought. It made me feel so terrible, guilty, and completely OPPOSITE of my character and values. The way I dealt with it was by telling myself this: “I know exactly what this is. It is another one of OCDs tricks. I know that I will never have 100% certainty about this question, and I have to accept that, and I am okay with that🫶🏾✨” This is a non-engagement response to OCD. Don’t get me wrong, the doubt and anxiety surrounding the obsession can still pop up, but whenever it does, I just tell myself the above statement in my mind, and I just sit with the uncertainty and uncomfortableness.

Just to add as well (sorry, I know it’s a long response 😂). It may be difficult at first to sit with these feelings and uncertainty. God knows how scary it was for me at first. But as the saying goes, “if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got”. This means if you don’t change the way you view OCD or respond to it, the outcome will be the same. However, if you start to look at OCD for what it is (a bully), and you start to realise that you don’t have to interact with these thoughts/doubts/feelings, the outcome you receive will be different! It’s hard at first, honestly, at some points I felt so so scared. But facing your fears is what gets you out of this horrible cycle.

It’s never too late Lilly! Honestly, the fact that you have now realised that you have been engaging in unhelpful compulsive behaviours is a huge achievement! You just gotta tell yourself now: “Look, compulsions haven’t helped me and they will never help me. I know this is OCD trying to trick me, but I will not let OCD win anymore!” I am perfectly fine with accepting the fact that I will never be 100% certain about this!” Another helpful thing to add I might say, is that if it feels like it is even a 0.01% that this is OCD, treat it as such! OCD is the opposite of who you are! It will target the things that you value, that you love, and that you care about! Always remember that OCD can try and make you believe anything! It is up to you to disengage from anything that doesn’t align with who you are!