New relationship and ROCD, I need advice

I've been dating someone for almost two months and I've recently started to struggle with rocd. It's a new theme for me, as I've never been in a relationship before (or at least not like this). I've been having intrusive thoughts like "what if he doesn't fall for me like I'm falling for him?", "what if he leaves me because of something I do or say, or just because I'm too difficult to deal with?", "what if I'm just a distraction and when he gets bored of me he'll leave me?", "what if he cheats on me?". These thoughts are really giving me a hard time. Everyone tells me to "take it easy" and not to worry but it doesn't help. My worries intensified after a discussion we had about polyamorous relationships and relationships in general. He's not polyamorous, but he has friends who are, and he says he finds the concept fascinating. I told him I do too (and it's true) but I could never be in a polyamorous relationship, not even an open one. We then talked about the seriousness of our relationship, and he said he doesn't think it will ever be too serious (note: we had this discussion like a month ago, and I'm pretty sure our relationship got more serious from then: for example, I met his close friends, he invited me to go to his house the next week, and most of all I had my first time with him; so what I think he meant is that this relationship will not be "too serious" like it's not leading to marriage lol). This led my ocd to make me worry about him not actually liking me, cheating on me because he doesn't really consider ours a "relationship", and all the intrusive thoughts I have described, although I know they are just irrational worries. I'm also dealing with a lot of stress these days so my ocd worries have intensified. I've been thinking about opening up to him about my struggles with ocd (he still doesn't know I have ocd), but I'm scared. Do you have any advice about dealing with rocd? I'm falling in love for maybe the first time, with someone who I genuinely believe likes me a lot and is falling for me too (even though ocd makes me doubt it), and I don't want to ruin everything. Sorry for the long post but I really had to get these thoughts off my chest :')

I’m Batman

Date posted: 1y

Yeah ROCD seems to not attack until you find value in the relationship. If it did not mean much to you what would be the point of attacking it. Issue is you have to accept that all your fears you listed above might come true. He might not feel that way for you. He might cheat on you. Heck you might cheat on him.You might wake up 3 weeks from now and not like him. It’s all possible. Possible does not always mean probable, but it’s possible. Or non of that stuff will happen. You might have to accept that there is a level of uncertainty in a relationship that involves two people and that’s ok. You need to understand that you can live with that. Maybe it’s the wrong one maybe not , either way you are going to ride it out . If something bad happens you will be able to handle it as well. We live with uncertainty everyday. When you woke up this morning you had no idea that you would be breathing and 6 feet north of dirt when your day was over. Yet you lived with that uncertainty and still did your day. And you will do it again tomorrow. If you live with that uncertainty everyday , you can live with the uncertainty of your relationship.

bbgirl94

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

As someone who is navigating dating for the first time this year, please know that all of these thoughts are normal ROCD thoughts. You’re not alone in this. I’m not sure if you’re already seeing a NOCD therapist but they can help so much with these thoughts. When I have intrusive thoughts related to ROCD, I’ll write all of them down. Then, I work on accepting the uncertainty. Maybe he likes you, maybe he doesn’t. Lastly, getting clear about what your boundaries are and what you want and value. If you notice you’re wanting something more serious, let him know what you’re thinking and feeling! If he wants the same, great! If not, you get to decide how you want to proceed. Hope this helps! 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

e2222

Date posted: 22w

Relationship OCD?/am I just evil

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

shopgirl

Date posted: 18w

New relationship and OCD spike

I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?

Pandora_2003

Date posted: 22d

my experience

i have always been a pretty doubtful and overthinking person all my life, but i have never had bad ocd until something happened in my current relationship i met my boyfriend senior year of highschool, we started off as friends first but then would text all night and found out we have a lot in common, he still lived at his parents house at the time, i'd go over to his or he'd come over to mine sometimes, your typical teen romance story, my rocd didn't start acting up till we started getting serious fast forward to when i started working at my old job and met this guy who pretty much love bombed me, i didn't know it at the time, and so i lost myself during that time trying to balance everyone's feelings, i ended up hurting my current boyfriend really badly and ever since ive had raging rocd, every second of every day i cut this guy off and me and my boyfriend are still together, working it out, and then two christmases ago he gets kicked out of his house, and starts living with me and my family, a huge change i wasn't ready for but it happened my family loves my boyfriend, everyone i've ever introduced him to also does, he truly is an angel, he's so sweet and good to me, i've met all his friends and he's met mine, i could picture a life with him, but currently my rocd is too much to bear, id be better alone but im so deep in this now it's crippling, i can't hangout with my friends without rocd, cant wake up without rocd, cant think of anything without rocd, i cant eat or sleep, life feels like it's no longer real, the relief of breaking up with my boyfriend would free me, but i cant bring myself to, ive tried multiple times, i might just be a coward because i dont want to hurt him again, i dont want to lose him, but ive lost myself, this rocd is driving me insane lets say I break up with my boyfriend, he already got kicked out of his old house and I do not want him to have to feel like he's got to be kicked out again, this is his home now and I just couldn't do that to him, my family would lose someone they see as a son, and I would have to watch him move his stuff which would make me so sad because I care so much for him, I would even move out just so he doesn't have to the thing is I really can't put myself through this anymore, I have to put myself first or this will kill me, idk what to do maybe i could talk to him about how bad my ocd is, tell him that i really have tried to push through but i need a break, maybe we could be friends and work it out? i hope so

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New relationship and ROCD, I need advice

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