Pls respond

Having a recurring intrusive thought that im evil bc when i was 14 i was dog sitting and I was told by the owner to tug on the dogs leash when he would stop walking to keep him moving. Well I did that and he was very stubborn so I remember tugging harder than I should have out of impatience which makes me hate myself so much. The problem is I can’t remember the specifics of the memory like how hard it was or if he was hurt. I do remember him coughing which is terrifying. Like half a year later he passed away and I’m always scared that I hurt him. He was old and I hate myself for being so impatient. I just wish I could remember correctly. How do I live with myself?

Username: JesusSaves424JesusSaves424

Date posted: 17w ago

I don’t want to reassure your OCD, but I do want to say I hope you’re okay and that you are not a terrible person. Resist compulsions as best as you can, things will get easier the less you engage with the intrusive thoughts/memories/feelings. And, the NOCD community is here for you🫶

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 17w ago

@JesusSaves424 Thank you for responding I really appreciate it

Username: 777Q777Q

Date posted: 17w ago

You live with yourself by forgiving yourself. Also moving forward be as kind and patient as you are able towards people and animals. Perhaps adopt an older cat or dog from an animal shelter and show it love ❤️ and kindness .

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 17w ago

@777Q But how do I forgive myself? This was 6 years ago and I can’t let go of the guilt, on top of not knowing how bad it actually was

Username: flowersandrainflowersandrain

Date posted: 17w ago

@Anonymous Take it as a lesson..if you didnt make that mistake why you learn how to be more patient now? Ask yourself that and dont be so hard on yourself at the end of the day we will always make mistakes..what matters the most is what we learn from them to better ourselves! I hope you feel better and dont blame yourself for anything!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 17w ago

@777Q You’re right, I’d like to think I’ve changed as a person and won’t let my impatience or selfishness get in the way of taking care of other beings. I would love to have a rescue pet in the future I’m just hoping my anxiety stops telling me that I shouldn’t get one due to this incident. Thank you for responding

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 17w ago

@flowersandrain Thank you for responding, it means a lot

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 17w ago

Are you familiar with ERP? For this situation, you are going to allow yourself to feel all the feelings, no matter how negative they are. But you are going to keep doing your activities and living your life. You do NOT reason with your memory of the past. You do NOT try to figure out your memory. You do NOT try to figure out if you are a good or bad person. You do NOT ruminate over the memory at all. You can acknowledge that the OCD is bringing yucky feelings, and then you keep on doing your homework or doing the dishes or hanging out with your friends. Eventually, the feelings will fade. If you really want to mess with your OCD, you can say, “Yeah, I am totally a bad person! Isn’t that great!” You don’t actually believe this, but the sarcasm and dark humor remind your brain that all of this is not a big deal.

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 17w ago

You have to treat this like OCD. Because it is OCD. In real life, we have grace, and we don’t have to be perfect. In real life, I am sure the dog was just fine. Dogs are fine with some pulling. People may or may not agree with it, but many people buy choke collars on purpose. I am sure that dog was fine. But in our “OCD Reality,” there is no grace. Even the tiniest mistakes have epic consequences. There is no room for learning, growing, grace, forgiveness, or just living life. This is a cruel “reality” to live in. Good thing it is FALSE! For example , my OCD tells me I am in constant danger. Every little word I speak , every decision I make, every little movement I make—and my life could be doomed and over with if I don’t do everything correctly. That is a FALSE reality, but that is how OCD paints my life. So for you, you need to realize that OCD is painting your whole experience. It’s bringing in a tremendous amount of false guilt. So you need to treat this whole thing like the OCD episode that it is. Don’t treat it like it’s real. You need to spot apply ERP to this situation. And then keep on living life. You will still have upset feelings for a while. But they will go away eventually. :)

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 17w ago

@Tea and Honey Thank you for your response-it is so hard some days. I think it’s hard bc I’m officially diagnosed with anxiety and depression but not OCD but I have horrible intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions so my brain tells me I really am a bad person and it’s not OCD. Thank you for the advice, I am trying to give myself grace but it’s so difficult to know I may have unintentionally hurt another living thing, especially one I had power over. I’m not super familiar with ERP but I will follow your directions and just keep trying to go about my day.

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 17w ago

@Anonymous Yes, just go forward with the directions. When you so do this, you are starving the OCD. Think of the OCD like a little gremlin 👿 who sits in your shoulder and says negative things to you all day. You can’t necessarily stop him from talking, but you can choose not to feed him by not giving him any attention. You might still feel upset for a while. But eventually the gremlin sees that you are not giving him any attention (and that you are WINNING by continuing to go about your life). Then he quiets down as he sees he is losing power.

Username: annonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

i’m in DESPERATE need of help. i cant even handle this, i feel like the shittiest person in the world. I want you guys to be honest but also don’t think of me as the worst person ever. So, i’m so close to being 16 now. When i was younger i guess i was exposed to more sexual things at a young age. i was in like 5th-6th grade i’m pretty sure and seventh maybe but i highly doubt it and my middle school doesn’t start til 7th so i was basically just in elementary school. i hate saying this it literally disgusts me but i have to do it for my own sanity. so, at this age, i touched my neighbors dog and like did other things. it wasn’t like a thing that went on and happened every day, but it happened a few times. i basically just did sexual things with an animal and it’s so gross. i didn’t do like actual sex but it’s still gross. and i remember when i was SO young i like humped my other neighbors dog. i think it’s so horrible to look back into now and i promise i’m not a horrible person and i think that is horrible now, but i cant change the past. i don’t want this to bother me for my whole life and i literally swear i’m not a horrible person i was just young and didn’t know any better i guess. i think of Shane Dawson and how he got canceled for stuff like this but wasn’t he like literally an adult when it happened? i don’t know, i just want to cry so badly. i hate myself. any advice?

Username: Yeye123

Date posted: 1y ago

Harm ocd?? Past things.

I wanna cry, when I was a kid,like a toddler. 4-6 maybe. I used to do horrible things to my cat, I choked it twice.my bdother did too if I remember right, but still. Ik this isn’t false memory. I’m 100% sure I ddi this as a kid. But now looking back at it I’m like wtf??? But I’m scared because whenever I see animals hurt now or accidentally hurt my animal that thing pops up in my head again and I feel weird. I can’t explain the feeling but it bothers me so bad. I want to cry. I don’t like this, i rlly feel like I’m a bad person. Idek if this is ocd. What if I genuinely have mental problems???

Username: anon70

Date posted: 41w ago

I’m so afraid/venting

This is my first time posting here. At the beginning of this year, I started obsessing over an event that happened two years ago, which then led me to obsess over events from seven years ago. I'm certain those events happened, but now I'm unsure if my thoughts are intrusive or if I truly did something unforgivable. After reading someone's real event, I had a disturbing memory of doing something the exact same thing. It's the first time I've ever had this memory, and the problem is, I can't remember if it actually occurred. Every time I think about it, the details change, leaving me with no concrete answer. I've searched through all my pictures, messages, and memories, trying to pinpoint if and when it happened. Ultimately, I know I can't change the past, and even if it did happen, there's nothing I can do about it now, but it haunts me every day. If I did do this, I feel undeserving of anything good in this world. It's affecting my relationships and work, and I fear that if I accept it as false, it might resurface later, potentially ruining my life. I've always condemned this act, but maybe I myself did it as a teenager and either forgot or chose to forget.

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