ROCD

Ive been in a relationship for 6 months w the literally love of my life and ive really been struggling not to fall into the insecurities my ocd hounds me about. I struggle to be secure when asking for reassurance about my intrusive thoughts, not because of her, but because of me. She’s made it clear multiple times that me asking for validation is no issue whatsoever (obviously in healthy moderation) and that she would tell me if i was crossing any sort of boundary, yet i am constantly worried that shes only saying it to appease me and that it does really bother her despite there being no evidence of that being true. I also have bad intrusive thoughts that she will fall out of love with me which i hate even typing lest it manifests. I hate thinking this and it upsets me often because it’s not something i want to dwell on. If i keep thinking about it i set us up for failure. If anyone has any coping tips pls lmk!!!

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I suffered from ROCD at the VERY start of my relationship ( now happily married for almost 2 years) and I had NO IDEA what ROCD even was so it was HORRIBLE. I missed work I was so debilitated with this unknown feeling and distress. I even tried to end the relationship but my therapist at the time said to not make big decisions when your mind is not in a rational place. ( should have invited her to the wedding lol). ANYWAY! give this link a read https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-three-rs-research-rumination-and-reassurance. and focus specifically on the last R ( reassurance seeking). It might make you feel better for a little while but every time you ask her for validation, you are actually feeding your OCD and helping it grow stronger. My therapist gave me the homework that I had to tell my support system that when I go to them for reassurance, they are to tell me "We have already gone over this sweetie, it's not important right now, what should you be focusing on" the distress is still there. i still want that validation, their certain answer that everything will be ok. But I have to deny myself that and get back to work, or whatever it was I was working on at the time. Its VERY difficult at first but it becomes easier in time. They say " That which you resist will persist" so instead of trying to run from your distress, try to accept it, and avoid the compulsions of seeking her validation and over repeated practice, the distress will lessen, the OCD parasite will start to starve and lose its grip and you will return to the confident, uncertainty accepting, happy person you were before OCD latched on.

tegayshi

Date posted: 1y

@TexasOCD41 You r so wise. This is awesome!!! Ive been coming to the realization that this is what i must do but never fully am able to let go. You saying this gives me confidence to explore this coping method. I know inherently that continuing to reach for reassurance wont give me satisfaction i crave and that i must just accept that there is uncertainty in everything, but the unfavorable outcome is rarely ever the one that supersedes the rest. Also i am so happy you were able to overcome those intrusive thoughts and build a strong, long lasting relationship!! It really inspires me. I really love this girl and at this moment in time my OCD seems all consuming but knowing that others have reached the light at the end of the tunnel helps me believe that i can too.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Absolutely you can. You got this.

Chickpea12

Date posted: 50w

You put my feelings into words almost to a T. I’m really sorry you have to feel this way but we got this! It’s so lucky that we get to be in love! Here’s to 7 months for both of our relationships and I know you can do many more

Anonymous558

Date posted: 21w

Struggling relationship and ROCD (help)

me and my girlfriend since we started dating we be only had one problem, and that is my fear of everything of losing her of her cheating, and it’s all caused by OCD. my texts are massive and i get worried i know i love her and she makes me calm i know i love her. we had a conversation yesterday and basically she said that she feels suffocated with my texts and my fears. she went on trip were she doesn’t have her phone. and yesterday i spent the entire day crying about her. my head is filled with intrusive thoughts. and last night i got so stressed that it seemed like the love went away or i couldn’t remember the love, but it’s impossible because i was crying about her yesterday. this struggle my relationship is having is making me so stressed. pls give me advice

lulu2

Date posted: 14w

Relationship OCD - PLEASE HELP

Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.

Relationship OCD

naiad

Date posted: 12w

Relationship OCD

Hi all, I’m F(20) and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like I’ve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and he’ll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just can’t make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and it’s because he’s secretly done with me and he’s longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe I’m at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(

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