Recovery

I hit 4 months since beginning my journey with recovery! I didn’t even notice the day tbh til I was sitting here and a thought had came to me and freaked me out a bit I got sad and as most of us do I believed the thought was true and had meaning but I let it be there and continued what I was doing and it passed and I’m just reflecting like wow I can see and grasped mentally how much I’ve grown since entering recovery. I’m nervous because my harm ocd began in April last year and I’m nervous as the Month approaches like omg what if it starts again? What if it comes back? What if all the work and time I put in to myself and recovery is for nothing? I don’t want to go back! But I’m trying to ignore it because I’ve been able to go in recovery thank god and there just thoughts I have ocd and flair ups and moments will happen. Does it suck ABSOLUTLY! But I’m trying to ignore it best I can. Can anyone else relate?

Hi Friends! Today I have spent some time looking back over the past 3 years since finding NOCD therapy. When I first started ERP, I honestly didn't think recovery was possible, but I was willing to do anything to save my relationship. As I started to gain ground with ERP, I gave myself permission to think about what I would want recovery to look like. Personally, I wanted to get to a place where I didn't feel the need to question my S.O's love for me. I wrote these exact words: "While there are no relationship guarantees, this doesn't mean you shouldn't try or remain in constant fear that it will end. I want to enjoy each day to the best of my ability and not shy away from giving and receiving love. I will sit with the uncomfortable thoughts until they pass" While not perfect, I have seen these goals come to fruition. I would love to hear what you wish recovery would look like for you? Or for those there, what does recovery look like to you?

So I’ve been getting treatment for about 3 months now and it’s been slowly starting to work I think and days are slowly getting easier. There are still plenty of bad days and days where I just feel completely defeated but I’m gradually learning how to deal with these emotions. Part of me is really relieved and excited as OCD was absolutely awful and the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. It held me back from so many things and I felt so trapped and I never imagined I’d be in so much agonising discomfort everyday. However part of me is also really uneasy as OCD is what I’ve known for so many years and I don’t know life without it. It’s almost unsettling integrating back into the ‘normal’ way of life as part of me doesn’t know where to start and I feel like I lack foundation if that makes sense as I have been unable to do so much for so long. I’m also finishing school soon which makes things even harder as I don’t know what comes next, or who or what I’ll become and do with my life. I guess my question is, is life beyond OCD worth it and is it worth climbing out of this hell hole? I also know that I’ll probably always have OCD and there may always be bad days but it’s just becoming less disabling and time consuming which is so exciting but sort of terrifying at the same time. I also am worried that I’ll live a boring and miserable life because at least dealing with OCD left me with something and made life more interesting, much more painful but It almost became my identity. But I guess there has to be something more beyond this life I’m living. Sorry this is long.