Guys with harm ocd can you tell me like what feelings you get/ sensations/ urges towards other people like loved ones or others in general. I feel so scared I dont know what to do and want to see if im normal
Tell me what you are experiencing. What are the urges/sensations you have towards your loved ones? i beat harm OCD years ago so ill guide you but my experience might have been different from you so tell me your experience. This is a safe place.
Following this too bc I’m really struggling with HOCD too. It’s the worst thing on the planet. I feel like I have urges to do horrible things, weird sensations through my body with the thoughts or like I would like to do them, and constant overall feelings that go against everything I’ve ever felt. It’s like my feelings/emotions towards my loved one flipped. Everything I think is bad seems like something I would do, etc.
@Ellasmama So what you are describing is called an ego-dystonic thought. It’s a cognitive distortion. Basically it means you’re experiencing a thought that doesn’t line up with who you are from a moral and values standpoint. People who want to do harm, they do not feel dread or discomfort when they think these things. The “ urges and sensations “ you’re feeling are physical symptoms of ocd and and manifestations. Everyone has “ bad thoughts “ but people who don’t suffer from ocd can dismiss them without question. ALL thoughts are like emails. Some are important, some are junk mail, some are just random. People with OCD have no spam filter so we mistake all our thoughts as important and it’s difficult to argue against because of the HORRIBLE physical feelings they bring ( shame, guilt, disgust, sweaty palms, tingling skin, pounding heart, hot face, upset stomach) just to name a few. Do either of you have therapist? Doing some ERP for this will be a good place to start.
@Ellasmama You also said “ I FEEL like “ at the very beginning of your post. Feelings are not facts and can and DO lie to you. People with ocd experience this more because we suffer from cognitive distortions more often than not ( I encourage you to google cognitive distortions) I bet you fit almost all of them, I have at one time or another. Therapy addresses this. You don’t have to live like this. But you have my sympathy and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is horrible when youre in it but it will get better. Hang in there.
@TexasOCD41 Hi! I’m sorry I’m seeing this now. I appreciate everything you wrote. I am really struggling with all of this - I do have an ERP therapist through here and and I’m also being treated for PANS/PANDAS even though I’m an adult bc my OCD came on with Strep positivity. I will look up the whole cognitive distortions thing and I definitely hear what you’re saying. I just am having a hard time with the actual feelings that come with the thoughts. For the longest time when this started I had that immediate reaction of “OMG No, I’d never do that to my baby”, and that was a compulsion for me as I would check my feelings to see if that was happening. But that stopped, and now I feel numb. And when I hear a word, see anything…it automatically makes me think of it happening to my dog and gives me this weird feeling that I would do it. Or if I think of the thoughts - I feel numb to her and get that feeling. I’m scared I have no empathy for her or that something in me wants to hurt her even though it goes against everything I’ve ever felt towards her. That’s where I am having so much trouble. I don’t know if that’s what happens normally, or whatever, but it feels like literal urges to do these awful things. And I look at her and it feels like I just see her as these things and I don’t see my beautiful baby’s life. It’s so horrible.
@Ellasmama - I will tell you that yes, it is normal. You just described ego-dystonic thinking without realizing it " . I’m scared I have no empathy for her or that something in me wants to hurt her even though it goes against everything I’ve ever felt towards her." this is a cognitive distortion 100% and OCD is a master of deception. the "urges" are false alarms, that is physical symptoms of anxiety you feel. Stick with your ERP therapy, take care of your body. Rest when you can, eat a balanced diet, walk, cry ( it actually helps) and don't forget, you are not alone, you can and will get through this.
Can harm ocd thoughts appear like “i want” or “im going to” someone please lmk if they experienced this 😣
I went out with my partner today to spend the day together and try and do some ERP. the whole time I linked my arm and had my phone in my other hand. I would purposely move out the way for children or notify her so she could see I didn’t do anything. Please tell me I’m not the only one with this type of harm OCD. I’m really panicking and it’s making me feel sick. I had that feeling where my stomach drops and I’m scared of my thoughts
Hey guys. I feel like no one will even reply to my post. I feel anxious af. I could barley eat a plate of soup. I feel so drained and fatigued and feel the anxiety in my stomach. I'm just so worried I don't even have harm ocd anymore. Its just... I grew up in a household where swatting people was normalized like if you did something really naughty. I never really questioned it and I grew up thinking it was an okay thing and would sometimes swat someone when they are being naughty growing up and even recently. I would never swat someone at full force or enough to make someone cry just more like a hard tap to get their attention but it feels automatic? And even then it's really really rare for me to do, i much rather talk sternly or tell someone. When i do swat its bc like if someone scared me I guess I hit their hand and say "THAT SCARED ME" and we both start laughing or if my older niece was roughhousing with her younger sister and the younger one gets hurt and the older one laughs, I swat the older one once or twice on her arm as a discipline and say "what is wrong with you??? Why are you laughing? You are much older than her! You could've seriously hurt her." And idk how but i never thought like how wrong this is?!... and I feel like sh/t like ocd keeps saying "well you have swatting impulses when someone is misbehaving or if someone scares or hits you, meaning if you get an impulse to do something really evil instead, you wouldnt be able to control yourself huh?" And I started to get so anxious and scared. Ive NEVER acted out on the harm ocd thoughts (nor do i even want to) ive been getting daily for 4 years even when they are misbehaving. But i get so scared like WHAT IF I get an impulse to do the evil thoughts? What if I lose control?! Is this a history of violence/ low impulse?! Does this mean i would act out on my fears?! I've never wanted to do these thoughts before but i get scared like what if I do one day? This whole day ive been ruminating and asking ai for reassurance. I feel terrible. I feel like a horrible person. I started to cry. I just cant anymore. I feel this weight on my chest. I feel so evil so irredeemable. I f/cking suck. I hate myself so much right now. I feel so much guilt and shame. Why am I still here anymore? Maybe i dont even have ocd and maybe i never did. This is just breaking my heart. I want to change and unlearn this swatting behavior as well for sure. :(
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