OCD 24/7??

My main worries around my ocd is pocd and being a bad person. Everyday, it’s always in the back of my head. At school . At work. And they aren’t even what if thoughts. It’s just feelings impending doom and thoughts like “u are a bad person and u have to live with the fact that u are and some choices you’ve made” I hate feeling like a bad person all the time. It makes me hate myself and I get sad about it 24/7 I only have periods of clarity when im distracting myself extremely. I really am sad. I feel tainted. I also feel like a fraud hiding behind a mask to everyone no matter what I do no matter if im being genuine and my raw authentic self

Anonymous

Date posted: 50w

I could not relate more to a post . You just described how I feel all the time.

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 50w

Yes...I feel like this all the time. I can't even look for a job right now. I'm so sick with it

dee012

Date posted: 50w

@Speckles Just push through the uncomfy feeling and go for it!(getting a job) it’s worth it and ur future self will thank u. not taking away from the fact that it is very hard tho to deal with this. It’s nice knowing someone relates and we can relate to this. I wish u healing

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 50w

@co653 Thanks.. yes we aren't alone, but I fear I'm going to have to be hospitalized again and I don't want that. I'm trying to push thru it.... it's so hard. I don't think my therapist knows what to do at this point

dee012

Date posted: 50w

@Speckles I feel the exact same it’s ok!! Especially on the therapist part. Usually when they don’t have much to say or do to help u, it’s bc u need to start taking initiative. I know my therapist has tried her best to help me but I can’t just get better on my own yk? You won’t have to be hospitalized. Ur struggling and it’s ok

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 50w

@co653 Thanks for your reply. I'm really, really struggling that's why I think I might have to be hospitalized. I can hardly do anything. A shower is a big accomplishment. I'm a lot worse than you are for sure

dee012

Date posted: 50w

@Speckles Maybe you are in a worse position, who knows, but let’s not think of it like that. I’ve been there before tho, not showering not eating etc. you just have to push urself, seriously. that’s my only answer. and it’s gonna be uncomfortable but u literally have to force urself and start with building a routine for urself. It’s not the key to happiness, but it could stabilize you a bit. I’ve been in ur situation before. And times like that still happen to me, but more and more u learn to deal with it and be productive while going through hard times. Life is never a straight line, it’s up and down ur always gonna have times when ur sad, but it doesn’t need to be this way

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 50w

Thanks for the support! I do need to push thru it. I just wish I wasn't having physical problems from it, upset stomach and constipation. That makes it harder... I'm going to really try to just do things... even if they seem little is better than just lying here doing nothing

dee012

Date posted: 25w

Feels like idk myself:(

A little sad and down. I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I grew up with trauma, made mistakes, dealt and still deal with hyper sexuality, and my ocd is so bad. All of this makes me feel tainted, like a weird bad person. I hate being around people and even talking to therapist bc I feel like ive successfully fooled them. Also, I recently saw a POCD hate train on TikTok so now I just feel like a fraud. I get all these thoughts and feelings that im just using ocd as a mask because I actually am a bad person.. and that im some sicko or something, and also my brain tells me and I go back and forth with myself about “oh you just have morals because you don’t want to be shunned from society, and if you were to have no rules you would do disturbing things” and I know I wouldn’t, because I have morals now that are ingraved into me…I just want a normal life. I just want to feel normal. I tend to feel useless in this world, when I really want to do good things but I feel tainted and like I taint this world. I try not to let this consume me but it’s hard.. If you read this thank you. I know I am just in a funk right now but sometimes I wonder if it will be a forever funk… or that I need to “accept” im a bad person so that I can move on… which I won’t bc even if I am (maybe maybe not… I will never know with ocd) I wouldn’t want to be.

eea

Date posted: 22w

Help

Lately I have been having really really bad existential ocd the thoughts and compulsions never stop they are even in my dreams I resist compulsions as long as I can but I just want this to go away I keep thinking about how many hours in a day people would have if they weren’t like me I just feel so awful every second I feel like I’m living a double life I only know about I just want this to all go away

BigGyro09

Date posted: 20w

Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

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OCD 24/7??

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