- Date posted
- 45w
Help
How can I tell the difference between suicidal ocd and suicidal thoughts?
How can I tell the difference between suicidal ocd and suicidal thoughts?
I have a theme of scared of depression, scared I will get it or already have it. I know it’s not 100% the same but it’s similar so here if u need it talk
@Anonymous Yes I do this !
@Anonymous This is bad for me today
@marlayna44 You worry about this too? Having / getting depression?
@camkkkkkk You worry about this too? Having / getting depression?
@Anonymous Yes!!!!! A LOT! A constant fear all the time!
I know I’m not suicidal because when I think about if I’m suicidal I freak out and cry and wanna wrap myself up in a ball. I also link to fear of becoming depressed, so when I overthink being depressed the suicidal ocd attaches and it goes down from there. Do you constantly have thoughts about not wanting to live anymore? Up first, I thought I was having real idealizations, but then I realized that the word suicide in general scared me. I am still stuck in a what if cycle, like what if I don’t love myself and want to end my life. But a good point was brought up to me the other day. She said most people don’t just become suicidal. It happens over time and is usually the only thing someone thinks about. I also learned that suicidal ocd can sound like “I will” statements. Idk if any of that helped.
@Anais V This is exactly how I feel. It haunts me 24/7 and it bothers me so much. It’s been 2 years ugh.
@Anais V With ocd and this subtype just like any other though , it could be the only thing that some one thinks about as well . It’s an obsession . I have suicidal ocd and feels like I obsess over it all day everyday ! But I don’t want to die (even though my brain is telling me otherwise ) and I also don’t think people that actually want to obsess over it like we do
@Walters15! Yeah it’s terrifying because I’m like well wait what if I do wanna hurt my self. Or what if I don’t really wanna be here. I think I also have existential ocd as well which makes it scarier when I get the suicidal ocd obsession.
@Anais V Yeah I’m sure that’s tough !! I’m sorry !! Praying for healing ❤️🩹
@Anais V Yes this is EXACTLY how I feel too. I have existential ocd as well , constant intrusive thoughts of death, but meanwhile I’m horrified of it but then it causes this constant loop of suicidal thoughts and it scares me because what if is this what I really want?
@Cgc7342 Right! Exactly!! It’s so up and down. And the thoughts are terrifying and make you question yourself which is even worse.
Yes
For me I’m afraid to kill myself or die but I obsessed over what if I did if my OCD told me too.
This is exactly how I’m feeling with both suicidal and existential ocd and it makes me question and doubt if I wanna die all the time and it actually makes me feel depressed which ocd then attacks and tries to tell me bc I feel this way or because ocd is making me feel this way, I’ll want to die or nothing matters. It literally makes me cry so much because I love my life so much. It’s sucks so bad. If anyone has any erp tips, please 🫶 also you are not alone 🫶
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
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