Need some encouragement

I’ve been spiraling for days I can barely sleep. I worked so hard to get into grad school and now i’m gonna fail because I can’t focus on anything else. The fact that my real events range from years ago and recently make me feel like I’ve always been a bad person. I keep trying to understand my intentions I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m looking into starting therapy and medication soon but I need some advice on some healthy coping skills in the meantime.

Username: BeeCee87BeeCee87

Date posted: 8w ago

Try your best to think of other things. There’s great meditations to listen to on YouTube. Also chamomile tea helps take the edge off. Do some breath work and start with A and name a band or singer for each letter of the alphabet. Just anything to help you take your mind off of things. If you’re having intrusive thoughts just know it’s not you. I just started ERP and deal with a ton of anxiety. I hope this helps some.

Username: TexasOCD41TexasOCD41

Date posted: 8w ago

The biggest thing i notice here is you saying " trying to understand my intentions". So that is a red flag because that is a compulsion. Compulsions feed OCD and make it stronger. I had real event OCD very recently so I totally get it. I felt like scum, I hated myself BUT the key that released me was understanding I had OCD and that my anxiety, my feelings of shame, guilt, were not ME, they were OCD, and my feelings about these real events were also OCD. i developed 2 mantras id say when the thoughts/memories would pop up that would help me shift my gears back to present. 1.- If it didn't matter then, it doesn't matter now 2. Nope, that's OCD, I don't care about it, not important, what else should I be doing right now. And I would FORCE myself to either get back to work, or be social, or watch the movie or read the book and whatever I was doing. Also, don't try to distract yourself to NOT think the thoughts, that makes your brain think the thoughts are important enough that your spending time trying to push them away. Let them be. learn to tolerate the discomfort. Watch this video and some of his other content. it helped me a lot and also medication and therapy saved me too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNxlpotyLRs&t=863s

Username: rose.nrose.n

Date posted: 8w ago

@TexasOCD41 This is very helpful thank you! i’ve struggled with other themes for the past few years but real event has been my breaking point to seek out medication and an ocd informed therapist. I definitely recognize me trying to psychoanalyze myself and my intentions is a compulsive behavior. It sucks because my brain seems to always latch on to the worst conclusion about my character.

Username: BigGyro09

Date posted: 3y ago

I'm way too hard on myself. It's affecting the way I think, the way I feel about myself, and my sleep. 3 days in a row I've been completely unable to sleep on time because of these thoughts. The good thoughts are never here and the bad ones are the ones that get the most attention. Everything feels boiled up inside. Any praise that I feel in myself seems short lived and the long term bad that come from events years and years ago seem to overwhelm me. Why can't I put this behind me? Why can't I just be at peace? Why is it that every day that passes I think about the fears that come with these intrusive thoughts? Is ERP seriously the only way? I can't stand this anymore. It never used to be this way before the pandemic hit. It never used to be this complicated, which is a word I despise saying.

Username: Shushup

Date posted: 1y ago

Guilt and depression

My intrusive thoughts make me feel so evil. I know they are not real but I feel so alone. I know that none of my friends and family would truly understand my thoughts. I feel so wrong all the time as I if I don’t deserve any love and help. I don’t know how much longer I could live like this. This all started a little over 2 weeks ago. I started spiraling but now I feel out of control. Like my brain is having its own party while I’m locked inside of a cage. Any words of encouragement? I don’t understand I used to have a normal life doing what I wanted and thinking freely and then all of a sudden my mind started spiraling. Has this happened to anyone ? Does anyone understand?

Username: cmim2077

Date posted: 1y ago

Real Event spiral (currently in hell)

I can’t remember what triggered this theme this time, but it’s been almost a week and I’m in hell. I just cannot accept the person I was as a teenager and the things I’ve done. It feels like I don’t even know who that person is anymore but I know that it’s myself and it’s so hard to accept I’ve done such heinous things. I want to kill myself but I don’t want to die… I want to go back in time and change these things but the very fact that I can’t leaves me with no other choice except suicide. I simply cannot understand how people move past their mistakes. I feel so unstable rn I can’t stop crying, I can’t eat, sleep… haven’t left my bed except for work. I’m struggling so bad rn but my OCD tells me I deserve it. Maybe I do, I don’t know anymore my whole life is tainted and so are those for whom I’ve hurt.

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