- Date posted
- 45w
Toilet, Water, Soap
TW: toilets, guilt, water, local idiot complains that her toilet isn't flushing properly and it causes her mental pain Hi everyone. For many years I have been struggling with contamination OCD. The worst trigger for me is stuff involving toilets and water/water droplets. I hate using toilets so much, especially public automatic flushing ones because of the fear of sitting in toilet water droplets and the dreaded toilet plume. Toilets in general disgust me so much. The last time I used a public bathroom, I felt like I couldn't use my home bathroom or touch anything at home until I took a shower and washed everything. I feel very embarrassed and guilty because I spend so much money washing myself and using so much soap and water. I recently moved into a new place that I will be staying in for many years due to my personal and financial situation, and the toilet used to always flush and leave little water droplets on the seat where I sit after, even with the lid closed. I have found a way to reduce this from happening but it's 50/50 whether or not I will see water on the seat every time I flush. I always open the lid and check the seat if the toilet to see if there are water droplets. If there are, I have to spend so much time cleaning the toilet with soap, then disinfectant, and then wiping it down and flushing it again until I get a "clean flush." I feel so awful and ashamed because I finally have my own bathroom after sharing one with my parents that I was constantly cleaning, giving me more stress, but now I still feel like it isn't good enough because I am still stuck in this stupid loop. I have homework to do why am I stressing over a toilet?! Now I keep a spray bottle of soapy water on the bathroom counter to spray and clean but this is also something that bothers me because the OCD tells me that it isn't enough and that the toilet is going to break or something. On the same note of toilets, I also have a lot of triggers regarding water droplets (not showering but like the water that drops off and bounces around I'm not sure how to explain it all) touching my feet, legs, other parts of me. All this mixed with my awful toilet related OCD has cost me so much soap, water, and time. Sorry if this is really weird and tmi and if I sound like a total brat or something. I wonder if anyone else goes through this and how they deal with it. My school counselor once told me that I can wait for the triggers to pass through or something like that, but that takes many hours and I need to clean so that I can sleep I am losing my mind gah