this post triggered my existential ocd

these thoughts are some that i obsess with and i'm trying so hard to overcome this current fixation on those thoughts but when i see videos like this appear on my feed, it makes my existential and magical thinking ocd really hurt. because like, it makes me think this is a sign and that something is wrong. i feel guilty for obsessing over these thoughts because i know i will rightfully regret these thoughts but i don't wanna think about eventually regretting it because that means thinking of the future and i fear the future. and fear time passing fast. i don't want the next 30-40 years to go by like the blink of an eye to to zoom by. i want it to be slow and i don't even wanna think about it. but it's so hard. my mind always thinks. i feel guilty when i don't think about the thoughts because it makes me think i don't care but i feel guilty when i think of the thoughts because they consume me until mg head feels fogged up and irritated. sometimes until it feels like a rubber band is going around my brain/mind itself. ugh

AlexisHasOCD

Date posted: 46w

even posting this and the screenshot is really hard for me and triggers my ocd because magical thinking be making me fear jinxing 😭

Zoë_84

Date posted: 46w

@AlexisHasOCD Hi Alexis, I suffer from MTOCD, too. I also feared that my thoughts alone could cause things to happen. The rational part of me knew, that it is impossible, but OCD doesn't care about my rationality, as much as it doesn't care about logic, laws of nature, or probability. Try to think about the lottery. If thinking about something becoming true would work, everyone who buys a lottery ticket would win the jackpot, but the chances of doing so is 1 in 300 million. @The screenshot you shared: That's a very bleak view on life. Yes, children leave the nest, but they built a nest of their own and might have children of their own. 20 years ago, I still had my grandmother, whom I love/d very much. But I didn't have my two lovely nieces and my adorable nephew. Just thinking of them warms my heart. Best friends might not live next door to each other forever, but that doesn't mean, that they'll not stay friends. And things not staying the same forever is not a bad thing. If things always stay the same, there is no chance of beating OCD, but there is. Many years ago I had been diagnosed with treatment resistant OCD, but here I am doing ERP on a daily basis and it really helped against my MTOCD.

Anonymous

Date posted: 46w

It’s funny bcs the way I try to see it is that everyone has their own experiences, maybe it applies to us, maybe not. I don’t think we’ll ever really know. If it does we’ll have to just figure it out when we get there but the present is a gift so it’s better to spend our time now enjoying it than anything else.

Anonymous

Date posted: 46w

The onlynconstant in this life is change, and you’ve been changing this entire time second by second and you haven’t even realized it bcs every second we grow into new versions of ourselves. Our life is based upon choices so make the choice to cherish what you can, you’d be doing yourself a bigger favor than 90% of the population that doesn’t really notice the time passing by.

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