Anxiety level confusion

Hi a quick question. Right now I have had the same subtype for quiet some time and the intrusive thought clearly dont align with who I am and they freak me out. But now I have gotten to a point where I am so used to having the thoughts that they dont cause that much anxiety anymore although they are unwanted and scary. And right now my brain tells me that because my anxiety is not as severe as it used to be that my thoughts must be true. So now I do this very weird thing where I try to get myself into an anxious state on purpose to prove to myself that my thoughts are not real and unwanted. Can anyone relate?

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 44w

You began developing coping strategies and learning how to manage your OCD. Over time, your brain became accustomed to the distress and challenges of living with this condition. Now that you have gained control and things have improved, your brain needs time to adjust to this new state. Be patient as it reprograms itself to embrace this new normal.

Lily Sh.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w

It's called the backdoor spike (common in ocd treatment). You are starting to habituate to the thoughts (yey!) and they don't cause as much anxiety anymore. Ocd makes you question in response by saying oo you're not anxious maybe u wanted it/it's real/etc but really it's your brain reprogramming and making progress.

Lily Sh.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w

Trying to make yourself anxious on purpose is a compulsion so just leave it there.

Eliane

Date posted: 44w

@Lily Sh. I have already heard of that but what makes me question if I have a backdoor spike is the fact that I am just „starting“ therapy. Although it is almost 100% certain that I have OCD I havent gotten the diagnosis yet(My next meeting with my psychiatrist is the obe where I will get the official diagnosis). And I am gonna start treatment shortly but I have never actively done ERP. So I question how is it possible for me to have a backdoorspike when I havent started treatement yet.

Lily Sh.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w

@Eliane You may have started to habituate because you have dealt with this content for a while and the brain just naturally is starting relax about it but this lack of anxiety is leading into a new theme. I have had times where my theme slightly altered over night or switched all together. Ocd does wild things and it goes for uncertainty and doubt. The best thing you can do is leave this question unanswered and go on about your day.

Eliane

Date posted: 44w

@Lily Sh. Thanks for the advice and I wish you all the best:)

L11

Date posted: 44w

I’m going through the exact same thing right now, because I don’t feel that anxiety like before I now think that I like these thoughts and want to think about it more because it doesn’t bother me like it used to. I don’t know what’s real and what’s no anymore, or what I want or don’t want

Eliane

Date posted: 44w

@L11 Do you also kinda feel relieved when a tought makes you anxious? Because if I get anxiety from a thought then im like: Ok so if it causes me anxiety that means the thought is unwanted.

L11

Date posted: 44w

@Eliane That is my exact way of thinking too

lu22

Date posted: 24w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

UnknownPersonel

Date posted: 23w

Past intrusive thoughts

I’m 21M and i believe i’ve had ocd for a lot of my life. I started researching ocd when i was either 16 or 17 because my intrusive thoughts were starting to get really loud and wouldn’t leave me alone. And they are still loud but never louder than before. I never talked to anybody about this until i brought it up to my fiance a month ago because my stress level was at an all time high. I don’t think she really understands because i haven’t went into detail about all my thoughts. Just bits and pieces of it. Anyways, i’ve been stressing about my past intrusive thoughts. I’m concerned on why i wasn’t as stressed as i am today. I was still stressed and had anxiety but i’m guessing i handled it better then. Today though, i’m stressing constantly. Like i never knew this app existed, i never watched videos on this condition or there were different subtypes until now, or i think i didn’t know. I remember back then i would research and research about this and have mental rituals but that was it. Like i wasn’t so stressed back then. Now, i just feel like i’m sick all the time. I’m just scared that my past intrusive thoughts were my true desires. I know they ain’t but how can i tell my brain that? I just wished i would have known more about this back then. I absolutely hate this and i don’t wish this on anybody

please44I

Date posted: 11w

Pocd

Why am I not anxious? Like at all anymore? Is it because I'm really avoiding and trying not to think of the consequences that come from possibly being a pdfile? Is the only thing that is worrying me about it is the consequences then does it mean that I really am one? But I never masturbated to the thought of a child and actively seeked it. It came as intrusive thoughts while I was doing it yes I've had them when I see kids yes and I question and check a lot if I'm attracted to them and its just confusing me, I know I'll never do anything to hurt a child and I don't even like the idea of becoming a pdfile then why am I not anxious enough about it? The thoughts are just distressing obsessive I feel disgusting and Id say I still do compulsions but I don't know something just doesn't feel right. I don't feel anything and no real attraction to anyone or anything anymore. I just feel so disgusting and I just want to be normal but then again I pretty much did this to myself. It's weird to me I know there isn't a real indication I'm a pdfile and past experiences pretty much prove that and I've always been attracted to older guys so why is this happening now? Why am I getting these thoughts now especially right after I was trying to fix this sexual obsession/tension I had for older guys. Is my brain just leaving one thing to love and be obsessed about and going to the other? I'm really really just confused. Not anxious just distressed confused and uncomfortable. Like I want to throw up but I don't feel intense anxiety in my chest it feels like maybe I haven't processed what's going on properly. I'm genuinely so confused and I don't want to have this stay in my mind. Sometimes I just miss my ex so much because at the time I've felt something I felt so much things even though I had really bad rocd. I just miss loving people again and being alive again. I'm so scared and confused right now can anyone explain to me what is this? I genuinely just want to understand what I'm feeling or thinking because its not making sense to me

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Anxiety level confusion

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