Harm ocd mixed with magical thinking

My biggest issue currently is harm ocd with magical thinking. Like all day long if I bump into the corner it will say go back or you’ll kys or go crazy and want to hurt someone else. I would never want to hurt someone, but it’s so scary when I think what if I do lose control. Serial killers do exist, and I can’t even kill a bug but the fear is so strong. Sometimes I can fight the compulsions when it’s of myself, like worried I’ll kill myself even if I don’t want to, but I can almost never fight them if I’m worried about other people or things. It’s all day long like scary commands like a scary movie because I keep giving it attention. I can’t even think thoughts anymore I have to think of calming people who are 18+ faces that I think are good people and do it twice while vividly imagining them or else I get scared. It’s asking the impossible. I can’t think of anybody who is underage even tv characters. Like I can’t even like imagine them I’m not allowed. I can’t hear or see scary words or images especially not while touching my head. If I thought I might have felt somethjng bad I have to go back and redo it even it’s it’s a thought I worry it could be a feeling and that’s unacceptable to me. I can’t stand small sensations anymore like my hair touching me or a crumb. It’s so hard to function. I do have an ocd therapist and we’re going to increase exposure work in office so that’s good but yeah has anyone been in this position? What helped you?

Anxiousguy

Date posted: 40w

I'm not currently suffering from what your going through, however let's try and break it down, to hopefully help you come to terms. It is scary that you have these types of thoughts and can be distressing as well. The key thing to try and remember is it's just thoughts. Yes it's hard to get over and more surpess them, the worse they become. Being anxious about the thoughts, is a sign of it's not you. The compulsions, what are they? As maybe can look at it from another point with the same thought, like I want to kill something. So a alternative would be, yes I maybe thinking that but it's my mind playing tricks or even go on a game, to phycology process that thought (IE a shooting game). You wanting to kill yourself is again just a intrusive thought. Id imagine everyone had that in some part of life, but you know you don't want to. So instead of that, can say I don't want to because I've got such and such who I care for and will hurt them if I did. Thinking of people underage and causing the thoughts is pocd, which I suffer from (not diagnosed officially yet, still waiting). It's hard but maybe just do a simple TV show for 5 minutes at a time, to try and get the thoughts out the way. Sounds to me you've had a hard time of late and the stress as built up to the point where you've become at breaking point. It's truly difficult in that moment to believe your a good person, everything will get better etc. I can honestly say it will, as been there a few times and saw it as a child with my mother who suffered from anxiety and wouldn't leave the house. Your on the right path with the therapy and sounds like it's going create. You've done the hard part in asking for help and actually going for it. Try music, meditation, colouring or something to try and relax yourself when possible

Thejollygian...

Date posted: 23w

My Harm OCD

Basically long story short, ive been dealing with anxiety for a very long time all my life I'm 23 now but about 5 months ago my anxiety started to get really and I overthink a ton and get worried to easily. So my chest hurt for a while from stress at work made me worry why it was hurting, then me worrying and thinking worse case scenarios was making it worse. So i and to go to the doctor and got diagnosed properly with anxiety and I have a med now that I take when I really need it called hydroxyzine but I also have another med that is Zoloft that I have been taking for a about a month now, to help with my intrusive thoughts I have sometimes i only get them when im stressed or when I'm by myself or when i just overthink in general, my loneliness depression is one of the reasons for my anxiety because I wish I had someone as in partner wise to love me and for me to love them. But anyways I've had intrusive thoughts about possibly hurting myself and family, or even my dog. Ive never acted on any of my thoughts in the past and I don't want to but I have had anxiety attacks when everything feels to real and really scares me. I constantly have the thought of am I crazy or am I becoming crazy and stuff and I've done a lot of looking stuff in the past about symptoms but most of them are identical to what anxiety is so it's hard to tell the difference. It's been probably 2 weeks since we last talked. I've been mostly doing good. But I just was wondering if had a little Harm OCD intrusive thought happen yesterday that targeted my Aunt at work she was complaining all day and when it got closer to the end of the shifts for us. I was already annoyed with a situation that happened earlier in the work day. But she came into my department and then went back over to hers and I said it out loud to myself and said you better get back over there or I'll, I tried to say something else because the word I was going to say was kill you. Obviously I don't but that's what my intrusive thought wanted me to say. And made me think thats why i got to hurt her to stop her complaing So the rest of the night I was saying she is safe I am safe I'm control, like this is just anxiety lying to you, it's just because I'm tired and got annoyed earlier. I can't tell if it was working or not because I was so tired and just wanted to go home. But after work her and I spent time together at our house she was on the one couch and I was on the other with a bunch of our dogs in the living room. I tried to keep my mind off of what happened, and I was fighting some stomach achyness already. But I obviously don't want to hurt her and we had conversations just fine. But I went to my other aunt house at night after work to go to bed because she has to watch my aunts dogs because my other aunt and family is on vacation. But anyways I'm trying to get over that word Kill, that word is what is scarring me and sticking. Like my anxiety is lying saying kill, or basically do harm. I don't want to do anything bad but I'm trying to shake that feeling and stickiness of that word. I'm just so scared and worried.

joshuadrennen

Date posted: 21w

struggling with harm OCD

i’m back in a cycle of having harm related OCD thoughts and feelings and urges and i get these episodes where it’s like i’m disassociating and feel like i’m about to snap and go crazy violent. does anyone else experience this? i need help

laladracu

Date posted: 18w

Harm ocd

I’ve been through a lot of trauma the past few months and years and had an anxiety breakthrough where I can’t stop having panic and anxiety attacks. I used to be a horror movie addict and one night during an anxiety attack my brain went “Kill your sister” My sister is my whole world. It all went downhill from there. I can’t even be around her when were home alone anymore. Every single day since then my brain is trying to tell me a bunch of different ways to harm her. Its getting to a point where its involving others now. “Kill your sister.” “What if you finally go back to your boyfriends house and kill his family?” “What if you kill mom?” “Kill that lady walking down the aisle at work.” “What if you killed yourself?” “You’re a bad person for thinking all of this.” “You shouldn’t be allowed to sleep, eat or relax. Bad people don’t get to do those things.” “These thoughts are in your head 24/7 because you WANT to do these things!” Its causing me so much anxiety and racing thoughts and I don’t want to become anymore depressed. SSRIs dont work. My doctor wants me to go on antipsychotics but I’m afraid to and I feel like I don’t actually need them and it will cause more damage. My goal is to become the person I was before all of this. Not to change completely. I tried buspirone once and I stopped due to increased health anxiety and often found myself saying “remember when you wanted to kill your sister?” and then brushing it off. It helped in some sort of way. I was only on it for a week. My whole life has changed since then. I dont go to my boyfriends house anymore, I dont see my friends, I can’t play video games anymore. All I do is ruminate and I cant stop. I cant even hold a conversation anymore. The compulsions are horrible. I’m so scared that theres no coming back from this. Its all adding to the anxiety that I don’t want to become severe depression. I just want to be me again. I’m starting off ERP and if it doesn’t work I dont know what to do. Can someone please tell me they have been through similar and have gotten better. I just need to save my life. Its getting to a point where this is convincing me this is all real and its going to happen and that im gonna become a psychopath. Its been going on for 3 months. I used to be so bubbly and happy!! (I am not schizoaffective)

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Harm ocd mixed with magical thinking

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community