Mariabae

Date posted: 51w

i did better today but i still need advice

Today i didnt look on reddit and didnt looked on this app at other peoples posts to seak answers. But i still had major anxiety that made my heart racing . O had moments when i thought that my bf is annoying and that he is not for me, i didnt live him bla bla bla. Felt real, still feals real but i did some progress. I dont really know how to do erp on my own and i need advice. i feel like im seaking reasurance everytime i post here because.. i do but i need advice from people that understand me.

kbxx2

Date posted: 51w

I have ROCD too and I’m so sorry you’re going through this - I’ve learned that OCD attacks what we fear the most. My ROCD has been flaring up the past week and the thoughts have been so constant - am I in the wrong relationship, will I ever be happy, do I actually love my boyfriend or am I just lying to him - it can be so incredibly debilitating. You are not alone 🩷 One thing that’s helped me is writing down the things that scare me most in a journal. It can be hard to put the fears onto paper but it helps me acknowledge the thought without engaging with it as much. With ERP, you have to sit with the fears and upsetting thoughts and while it can be really difficult there can be some relief acknowledging that there is uncertainty in every relationship (and without providing too much reassurance that doesn’t mean a relationship is bad).

Mariabae

Date posted: 51w

@Anonymous i want to start journaling too but how to right exactly to be effective, like “i dont love my bf” just how it pops up in my mind? i do very bad as well rn, questeninv if its real or not and when i feel good for one moment my mind turns up on me in that exact second

kbxx2

Date posted: 51w

@Mariabae Yes, I usually write my thoughts out exactly as they pop in - more as what if statements rather than definitive sentences - like “what if I don’t actually love my boyfriend?”. You can use an ERP RPM (response prevention message) for each thought if that helps - like for example, “What if I’m with the wrong person?” RPM - No one can ever know for sure if they’re with the right person. It’s really scary but it allows you to face the fear head on and learn how to sit with the uncertainty. Some days I think it’s easier to do than others. I understand the flip, my brain does the same thing. I can be thinking about how great my boyfriend is and suddenly my brain tells me I’m lying. It’s exhausting. I carry a notebook with me everywhere and try to take a few minutes where I can when the thoughts get loud to just put it on paper and then shut my notebook and put it away telling myself, this is my OCD talking and I am not going to engage with it anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 51w

@Anonymous i will try it, the thought of not loving him and that i never did is very distressing, we will get better. I also struggle with inimate things because i think “i dont want it” and that “he uses me” WHEN HE CLEARLY DOSENS, at first i was very horny ig??? and i usually my thoughts ruin everything and it’s something normal as well… im saying too much things.. anyway, i will try the journal thing and stop reading as much on reddit and this app. Alsooo when doing that ERP RPM and i have the “i dont love him” should i write “maybe i do maybe i dont” or.. idk , when i say that in my head it doesn’t feel like its helping

kbxx2

Date posted: 51w

Googling and reading reddit threads used to be something I would do too and it would always make me spiral. Before I knew I had OCD, I would always try to solve the problem by applying my situation to other people and I would just get so distressed and triggered. I had to stop looking online for answers or asking friends for answers because it would just trigger me so badly instead of making me feel better. I struggle with being present in intimate moments too, I’m trying to work on that myself. I try to make the RPMs less specific to me - like saying something more general. Like a “what if i don’t love him?” maybe warrants more of a “i’m not engaging with that thought” than a “i do or i don’t” - again not trying to provide TOO much reassurance but I do believe that the distress comes from the FEAR of not loving him versus actually not loving him if that makes sense.

Mariabae

Date posted: 51w

@Anonymous i don’t understand the last sentence 🥹

kbxx2

Date posted: 51w

@Mariabae OCD targets the things we are scared of most - so if you’re scared of not actually loving your boyfriend, OCD will latch onto that and challenge if you really do love him or not. It takes some of the power away from OCD if you can try to separate the fear from the obsession. I hope that makes a little more sense.

Mariabae

Date posted: 51w

@Anonymous yes, thank you so much for taking your time to talk to me, i appreciate it so so so much 🩷

kbxx2

Date posted: 51w

@Mariabae of course! you are never alone in this and we can do it!!

Mariabae

Date posted: 51w

@Anonymous oh and one more thing how do i get over “do i have rocd or not” i have this problem for over a year and its very frustrating

kbxx2

Date posted: 51w

@Mariabae omg me too, lol. i think that’s part of OCD - my therapist told me OCD is known as the “doubting disorder” so anything our brains can doubt, it will doubt. i’m not a professional by any means but if it causes you so much distress and fear, you’re thinking about it for hours each day, it’s interfering with your productivity or daily tasks it’s probably ROCD. I work with a NOCD therapist and she’s been so helpful - if you are able to I definitely recommend reaching out to NOCD to get matched with a therapist to get an official diagnosis.

Mariabae

Date posted: 51w

@Anonymous because i dont have a therapist and im not diagnosed with ocd the thought of “what if i dont have it and i self diagnosed myself “

kbxx2

Date posted: 51w

@Mariabae I struggled with this for a long time too bc when I was younger my mental health wasn’t taken seriously by the people I needed the most so I was almost constantly convinced that I made everything up and was just dramatic and not actually mentally ill. It was a constant obsession that went on a lot longer than I wish it had. I’ve been diagnosed with several mental health conditions but I suspected I had ROCD for about a year or so before I reached out to an OCD trained therapist. There’s a quote that I remind myself of sometimes that says “a well person doesn’t desire to be sick” - I think it’s okay to find comfort and associate yourself with ROCD if it feels like it fits even without an official diagnosis. I know the feeling of doubting things even when they do fit, it can be so hard.

Mariabae

Date posted: 50w

@Anonymous thank you!

kbxx2

Date posted: 51w

https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/relationship-ocd this article also really helped me feel less alone and scared that my thoughts are real.

kbxx2

Date posted: 51w

https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/five-things-to-do-instead-of-compulsions this article has a part about non-engagement responses that I found helpful too.

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

i am scared ROCD. RESPOND

i feel nothing for my partner and i read coments in reddit r/rocd with people suggesting to remeber the good times with your partner but i cant remeber times i loved him or felt real love because everythibg is drowned in doubt and thoughts and i think many negative things such as “i never loved him i just liked the ideea of an relationship and when the thoughts started (one and a half years ago) i realised i didnt actually loved him but i hust cant accept the truth because i put hight expextesions in this relationship and i just coped all the moments forving myslef ro think i do love him” our relationship has normal wring and hw is a great guy and ny family loves him but i obly think i dont love him and even being next to him does not help. im in the worst flare up ever can someone relate or give me advice on how to get better. i tried thrapy but it made it worse and i cant go so i need to heal ob my own. i talk very much to chat gbt and post here often. people here told me i have rocd but in steal questioning this. ever since i found out about rocd i have been worser and worser. i canr remeber how to love. my memories are blured nothing makes me happy. i feel like i have changed into someone that once i was afraid of becoming. when this started i knew it was all fake but now it feels real. im so scred. my thoughts came in affirmaations making svenarios about me not loving him or explenesions of why i feel how i feel and it feels so real. im just si lost and confused i keep trying to find an answer and someone who is in the same situation but everytime i get a positive or negative response from someone it dosent calm me. i feel like im in denial. if someone tells me somethibg posituve i think its fake and that in lying masking the fact that i dont love him as rocd and if u get a negative response my chest hurts. I know its not the end of the world if i dont end uo with him but all of this does not make sense. its just out of the blue. can you stop liking someone out of the blue?? I feel so many negative emotions towords him and i dont understand why. i lost my spark and its all because of the thoughts. He triea to use logic on me saying that if i didnt cared or liked him i would not be this sad and cry so much but it does not help. My therapist told me “you can care about people but it doaent meab you like them” and last session she was only trying to make me realise i dont love him but it felt wrong. I have been like this 24/7 since september 2023. we are a couple since april 2024 and everything feela fake i doubt everything. i want to be normal. my chest hurts.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

religious OCD

Please help. I have felt so off/wrong all day. I constantly worry that the “bad guy” is going to get me. I have awful thoughts and I constantly want God to know that I don’t mean these thoughts. I am at a point in my therapy where I need to choose to use my ERP but it feels too scary. I then do compulsions, which makes the OCD worse, which makes me want to use ERP less. And the cycle goes on. I am currently sitting in my car crying because I feel so lost and exhausted. I’m not supposed to figure out my thoughts, but today I just went into a spiral of sadness and depression, thinking that I will always feel like this. When my thoughts got really bad at the end of the day, I tried to use ERP even though I was shaking and not believing my responses and I ended up feeling like I missed something and that I gave into the “bad guy.” I have no one to talk when I’m not doing therapy twice a week. I am alone and have no one to talk to when I am like this… please help

Mariabae

Date posted: 21w

rocd-help

I am tired of talking with chat gbt for reasurance or to calm myself, im tired of searching reddit posts on r/rocd so i can read the comments to get an answer on how to get better, to post here 10 times a day so someone can say something that will calm me, all this things used to get me better a little, but now they dont and in still doing them, but in tired, i want this to stop, my thoughts are so persistent and it comes with bad negative feelings about my relationship, my boyfriend, i have so much fear in me its insane, i feel like i have changed and all the thoughts that once i knew they were fake they feel now that they are the reality that i dont accept. It breaks my heart to read stuff from people that say “when i am with him my thoughts goes away “ because mine doesn’t. I feel iritated, angry, disgusted for no reason at all, I see people saying that i care about my relationship and my boyfriend because i dont like these thoughts but, my therapist said to me “you can care about people and dont like them” or something like that, also when i told her “when these thoughts started i knew they were fake and i always said they are not real i dont want them” and she said something like “you can tell is snowing outside but its not true because its warm and sunny” My thoughts feel so real, i feel like im not like the others with rocd. Also this thing about choosing love and choosing your partner is bringing me into a spiarl because what if i dont want my partner? what if i only want to feel better and not to love him? What if all this time i though i felt live was just me pretending to feel love because i put high expectations on this relationship? what if i dont love him for who he is? what if i never loved him? i have a long list of what ifs. I cant go to therapy anymore due to more factors and also it was not beneficial for me at all. i just want peace. Im scared if getting better bc im scared that i will realise my thoughts are true. what if im i. denial? my thoughts scream at me affrirmations like “i dont love him” also being intimate is so hard. can somebody tell me some advice?

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