- Username
- wmorris93
- Date posted
- 20d ago
Can anyone offer insight on harm/suicidal ocd?
In a nutshell I was struggling w another theme and then a thought of “what if this gets so bad you hurt yourself?” Came up and got stuck. The other theme completely went away I will admit I’ve compulsed and dug into this so hard that now it feels real. It feels like I want to do this but am just holding myself back. I have no history of self harm or suicidal behaviour. Nothing was even going on in my life to make me want to do this. It feels like I did a 180 in a moment. It’s blurred the lines of what’s real and what’s not where even when I’m typing this out that I’m struggling it feels like I’m lying and just going through the motions. I even have thoughts that I’m delaying the inevitable and that even if I go somewhere for help it’ll just happen after. It feels like I don’t want to get better. This never used to be me and I honestly used to be terrified of death. I’ve done some ERP. I can hold knives, belts, pills and stand on bridges and of course nothing happens. Just can’t shake this feeling that I want to and it feels real. It’s such a catch 22