i cant stop sanitizing

I’ve chewed my nails and skin around my nails since birth it feels like. My fingers look deformed, when they get water on them they get all white and puffy. almost like if you stay in a pool too long and get that weird water log on your hands. Only I put my hands in water for like 30 seconds and they puff up instantly. I believe I made it one of my OCD routines. I have to constantly check if there’s no loose skin or nails sticking out, and if there is I have to chew it off then I just don’t stop chewing until my finger is bleeding. It’s a very bad habit but it relieves my anxiety when I do it. I’m tired of my deformed, red, bloody fingers and nails it’s so embarrassing.

For many years I’ve had contamination OCD. I wear many layers of plastic gloves when awake. Take off a layer when needing to do things. Early last year it started getting worse when I began ERP. Much worse. Showering took 1 hour before, now 3-4h or longer. I always have to shower before bed because the bed is a clean safe place. But showering didnt feel clean enough anymore and took so long. I would get stuck repeating things over and over. The humidity was ruining my walls and ceiling. I’d stay awake up to 40 hours avoiding showering and sleeping. So one day I started wearing clothes covering all skin, plastic gloves, sleeves taped, hoodie on. That way I could easily just sleep still on my back on the couch. No more awake 40 hours or stuck in the shower up to 4h + bedtime rituals. But then slowly I found myself unable to do… anything. Stopped going outside, stopped talking to people, can’t even get up some days so I just lay on the couch. Fall last year was very stressful I think it broke something in my head. I don’t change clothes and I make sure the gloves last many days. My hands are suffering. The skin blisters and comes off. I think my nails are now separating from the nail beds, for real. I’ve also spent so many years holding pee when outside the home that now the pelvic muscles are weak and I’m becoming urge incontinent. Can’t do physical exams at the doctors. Can’t seek help. Can’t get out of the couch. OCD is ruining my physical health. ERP did not work. Has this happened to anyone else? What did you do if so?

I obsess constantly about my hands being dirty and feel like I can actually see the germs and bacteria crawling all over my hands if I can’t wash them as soon as I touch something. It’s really embarrassing since people in my life have noticed this “weird” behavior but it’s a huge problem for me and I don’t know how to make the obsessive thoughts stop.