Family

My OCD keeps telling me I don’t love my family more than anything, that I want them gone or want to leave them. But I love them more than anything and would never leave them. I’m scared God will listen to my thoughts and take them away from me or I might hurt them. The thoughts are so overwhelming that I have suicidal thoughts. I just want it all to stop. I love my family so so much and my soul is so tired of this. I don’t want them to get hurt because of me. I hate myself, I hate my OCD. I don’t know if I can deal with this anymore. Still, I know I probably won’t kill myself because I’m too afraid and don’t want to make my family sad. What should I do?

OCDNoThankYe

Date posted: 36w

Hey Anon, I am so sorry to hear that you're struggling right now, but I am super proud of you for reaching out for guidance. Now, I have had OCD for a long time, I never knew what it was when I was younger but it's been the dominant thing that's been affecting me for as long as I know. Please, please, please reach out for help right away so that you can learn to take control of your mental health and find the happiness you deserve. If you feel like you are in crisis, there are phone numbers on this site on the bottom right that can get you access to resources quick, and if you are really struggling you can always go to your local ER. It doesn't matter how old you are, but please open up to your family (whether that be your spouse, mom, dad, a trusted friend etc.) and ask them to help you get help and find a therapist that specializes in OCD. OCD has proven treatments. Things can and will get better. You got this. Thoughts are just thoughts, our OCD finds the ones that we hate and latches on to them because they go against who we are as a person. It loves to feed off of it. Know you aren't alone, I and so many others deal with the same problems. You are strong, you are capable to keep pushing through and seek help. Try and practice mindfulness meditation and grounding exercises to keep you present. you got this.

DisneyIsMyTh...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 36w

I’m glad you found NOCD, you are already on your way to shutting OCD down! The fact that you recognize that it’s OCD telling you that you don’t love your family is a huge step! For the longest time, I often confused OCD as my own thoughts and beliefs. I thought what it was telling and showing me was “normal me”. It wasn’t for 30 years when I recognized “checking” compulsions in my little boy and started searching that I discovered you can have “Pure O” or that rumination is a big part of OCD. All of a sudden it was like someone lifted a veil for me. It sounds like you are starting to have the veil lifted for you! You can see OCD is trying to play games with you. Now you need to build the tools to quiet it. To let it know you’re not interested in what it has to say. To figure out what compulsions you might be doing that you might not even notice, because those will keep OCD strong. For me, ruminating, catastrophizing, playing things out in my head, seeking reassurance, googling for answers, checking etc, we’re all keeping OCD strong. Good luck! Hope you find a good therapist to help you with the tools!

Fiona06

Date posted: 36w

I couldn’t have said it better myself than any of these other comments- just to add though- intrusive thoughts only feel scary because they’re the opposite of what we are/want/believe and therefore, by definition and default- they can’t be true. My messages are always open❤️

Legends123.

Date posted: 23w

Please help

Hello everyone, forgive my bad English since it is not my native language, I have been suffering from OCD for 6 years now. It started with being afraid of harming my loved ones and soon it escalated. All of this leads us here towards sexual obsessions. I was abused many times when I was a child. I don't know if that had any impact on my sexual issues. so everything lead up to a intrusive tought of what would happend if i touch myself with a picture of your parents" and I ended up paying attention to the intrusive tought and i ended up doing what my intrusive tought told me so i said to me "OCD would make me touch myself for everything i loved so what, i would do it before the anxiety attacks" and I end up in a spiral of having touched myself by several photos of my family members, friends and even my own therapist all wanting to prevent future compulsions and anxiety now I only think about taking my life, I never wanted that to happen I am not a monster who has sexual desire towards my loved ones I fell under my own intrusive thought and the only thing I think about now is taking my life life for what I've done

BiancaIsGrowing

Date posted: 17w

Having a hard time

I have to be alone with my children tomorrow and I'm scared. Harm OCD has me panicking and ruminating. I don't want to hurt my babies they mean everything to me. I keep fighting for them, I got a better job for them and I want to create a better life for them. I'm so afraid that I might hurt them so I need to be away from them but I also don't want to be away from them. The thoughts and images are so much. I'd rather die before I hurt them. Accepting the uncertainty of possibly hurting them is not something I can accept or live with. And it doesn't help having existential ocd because that says none of it matters anyway. I just want to be the old me, I hate this disorder I hate this disease I hate me for having these thoughts. I'm sorry for ranting. I just need to get it out. I hate this worry disorder!

jsford04

Date posted: 16w

so overwhelmingly sad and need someone to talk to

My OCD has become so bad and I feel so alone. I have religious OCD (Christianity) and I’ve been doing okay with letting the blasphemous thoughts go in the moment, but I’m so overcome with guilt and shame I can barely function. I can feel okay and hopeful for a few minutes and then I’m reminded of the horrible thoughts and how nothing can take them back and I can’t handle the guilt. I’m becoming a burden to my family and feel so alone. I do not know what to do. Please help.

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