polarbearxo1

Date posted: 38w

pocd vent

since i want to become a teacher and i am in my last year of university, i just feel like pocd makes it so hard for me to be passionate about being a teacher again because the intrusive thoughts have convinced me that i’m a p and i shouldn’t be working with children and i’m a horrible person who doesn’t deserve anything . i’m so scared to even work with children because of the intrusive thoughts and how it would just make me disgusted with myself so i just avoid children. The thoughts make me feel like i want to unalive myself and somehow they convinced me i am a p and i just want to throw up because why is this in my head i just want to rip it out and just run away from everything. I’ve been through sexual abuse as child and i would never want to harm a child and i don’t want to do anything with a child. i don’t know what to do for the future. I don’t want reassurance i just want to know how to deal with these thoughts . Also since i’m on my period i heard that ocd is more amplified on intrusive thoughts so it’s probably why i feel like this and it’s so much more intense than usual.

witherwillow

Date posted: 38w

could a potential strategy to slowly resuming teaching and being in a space that is teaming with children be to strictly remain in your classroom and not participate in helping with extracurriculars or after school activities for a while?

polarbearxo1

Date posted: 38w

@witherwillow i’m not a teacher yet so i haven’t worked in a proper classroom except for last year where i worked in a nursery and secondary school which wasn’t bad but my ocd symptoms were less severe

polarbearxo1

Date posted: 38w

@witherwillow i think like right now what’s worrying me is just not even pursuing my degree bc of the intrusive thoughts and just letting it be a waste of 3 years and my parents would be disappointed in me, these thoughts have just killed me inside to the point where i just feel so sad and even opportunities like volunteering with children and going abroad which is the stuff i want to do but because of pocd i don’t think i’ll be able to do it

witherwillow

Date posted: 38w

@polarbearxo1 with the plethora of opportunities and multiple forms of child enrichment based employment in society, it is perfectly okay to not feel clarity on what you should and should not do post grad. consider the safety that comes with completing your degree, and thereby completing a goal you set for yourself, and studying in a way that doesn’t actively trigger your pocd in real world situations. to stop yourself from even receiving the certifications necessary to do what you very well may end up loving would be a waste. as you continue with working to cope with your mind and its vexes, continue your academic education as best you can so that whatever you may do you will be well equipped to pursue it.

witherwillow

Date posted: 38w

@polarbearxo1 with three years under your belt, rely heavily on the therapeutic resources around you so that when you are finally done with this last year you can either delve deeper into working with pocd specific help or kickstarting your pursuit of education

polarbearxo1

Date posted: 38w

@witherwillow i’m due to start computerised cbt soon since it’s the one of the treatments in the uk and it’s computerised to manage time for cbt too as it’s my last year i’m going to be really stressed. I’m going to go to my doctors about this really soon to get medication aswell and tell the doctor about how it’s impacting my education but i’m so afraid to tell the doctor it’s pocd because of judgement and i have other themes such as religion, contamination ,false memory and real events ocd.

witherwillow

Date posted: 38w

@polarbearxo1 that’s great to hear :) and it’s true that the medication will help alongside the therapy. not that your asking for advice, but if I may - don’t shy away from that fear. obviously speak truthfully and pursue help in every way possible even though you are afraid. but when I say don’t shy away from it I mean you should come to know your fears so well to the point that you can recognize when someone else makes them decrease, increase, or has no effect on them. know how afraid you are and own that so that when you speak with your doctor you will immediately know if you feel like that doctor makes you more afraid or makes you feel even the slightest bit less afraid, which any good doctor should. and honestly, if that’s not your experience with doctor #1 then keep looking till you find one that’s right for you. we get to choose

polarbearxo1

Date posted: 38w

@witherwillow i think it’s because like i don’t have the experiences with a good doctor so i’m not completely sure i should share this information and i’m scared they are not going to do something else, but i have a feeling i know a good doctor but i’m not completely sure plus it’s really hard to book an appointment with her

witherwillow

Date posted: 38w

@polarbearxo1 what’s it hurt to try? that’s all you can do

Zoë_84

Date posted: 38w

@polarbearxo1 If I may, please finish your degree. Even if you decide after graduating, that become a teacher for children is nothing you want to persue, you will still be able to use your degree, e.g. in education programs for adults. That being said, having a university degree in a field you are not working in, is much better, than having no degree at all.

sugarplum90

Date posted: 38w

a good reminder is that bad people (p people) don’t worry about these things, they don’t feel like a horrible person, and it doesn’t stress them out one bit. the fact that you are so stressed out/upset with this fact means that it goes against your morals so badly that you’re freaking out/not okay with it. bad people don’t worry about being bad. i hope this can help someone❤️

polarbearxo1

Date posted: 38w

@sugarplum90 thank you so much, i just need to keep reminding myself this because it just goes against everything i stand for and it just makes me feel uncomfortable like i have these thoughts and i’m around people and my intrusive thoughts are telling me i might harm them in some way like it feels morally wrong even thought i would never even act on these thoughts it feel distressing and uncomfortable

sugarplum90

Date posted: 38w

@polarbearxo1 that’s a good thing that you can acknowledge that it goes against what you stand for. you are not alone in this at all. it makes you uncomfortable and that means you are a good person. trust me, it gets so much easier/ better!!

Brian__

Date posted: 38w

I get how you feel, I wanted to be a English teacher at one point for middle schoolers (I no longer want to be one but it’s not because of ocd I’ve found a different career I’m more interested in) but i would frequently get intrusive thoughts or images of what if I did something bad to a child I was working with and it made me feel sick, something I did that helped is accept that the thoughts and feelings are gonna be there and that you can’t control what is gonna happen, you have to accept uncertainty and that the thoughts are just thoughts and doesn’t imply anything or that your gonna act on them. Also yes dude my period makes my ocd SO much worse I’m a trans man with pcos and it gets SOOOO bad on my period so your feelings and symptoms are most likely amplified like mine are it genuinely feels like your going insane when your on your period with ocd it’s terrible but the feelings are temporary and will eventually pass a day or two after it’s over! I wish you luck and please don’t give up on your dreams of becoming a teacher do not let ocd control you and please continue to do the things you love I hope you feel better soon 🫶

polarbearxo1

Date posted: 38w

@Brian__ i’m so glad i have your answer because i have pcos too and i have the worst periods ever to the point where i can’t move and i consistently throw up alot, i just want to thank you so much honestly i feel a lot of comfort in your presence and experiences aswell because you just get the exact situation i’m in. I have been trying to accept these thoughts and move on but i just felt so numb from doing this and rn it just led to me crying because it’s like what if i am this horrible person because i’m not feeling like anxious anymore (which i am bc i have trich and i’ve been pulling my hair out bc of this but in my head it’s like i’m denying this feeling of anxiety) , i feel like i’ve always struggled with this but i know the journey into accepting these thoughts is a rough journey and i appreciate ur response so much and it means so much to me coming from someone who wanted to be a teacher and struggled with PCOS too! i hope the feelings do pass and i genuinely mean so much when i tell you that ur message has made me feel a lot better than before ❤️❤️

Nope.

Date posted: 38w

Same I’m not even a teacher but my work requires interaction with people. Sometimes it’s younger folks and parents. I get so nervous about coming off like a p.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 19w

Pocd 18+

Im at work and work is where my ocd is triggered most. I plugged in the solar panels and remembered my friend whos an electrician. Than i had intrusive thoughts of his daughter and sexual intrusive thoughts. I felt so anxious and am having a hard time breathing. I said a prayer and kept working. Then ocd said was i praying for something inappropriate but thats absurd and not true. Then the intrusivr thought was of female erogenous areas. It was just a thought of a female provate lart. It was like the thought of my friends face then his daughters face then the female erogenous part. So ocd says was the intrusive thought of a adult female erogenous part or a minors. Then ocd says i like adult women so did i like the thought of the female private part. Idk what the thought was it was just a female erogneous part that popped in my head. I know im not a pedophile. I know i dont want ocd thoughts. I know the thoughts made me anxious. Then ocd says if it was a intrusive thought of a small female erogenous part its a pocd intrusive thoughts. If it was a thought of a big female erogenous part it is an adults part. Idk what the thought was tbh now my memorys blurred. I just recall having their faces pop in my head then a thought of a female private part and i remember being super anxious panicking and having a hard time breathing from the anxiety. I know this is indication its ocd and anxiety. I dont like these thoughts and dont want them. Im not a pedophile. Im terrified by the thoughts and i know my anxious reaction disproves the ocd intrusive thoughts and doubts. I know who i am. Im a faithful husband and not a pedophile. I dont want these thoughts it’s distracting me from work as im ruminating and writing this. I feel like crying. I dont want sexual intrusive thoughts. I dont want pocd thoughts. Help!

roszip-0toMd...

Date posted: 15w

Please help!!!

TW! please someone comment When I was 12 or 13 I used to babysit a little girl, she had a habit of keeping her hand in her diaper and was always touching herself, there was one point I was changing her diaper and noticed she was really red. I had separated her private parts and checked the inner area for signs of infection. She was okay, just some really really bad diaper rash. I know this is what happened yet my brain is trying to convince me that I hurt her, and that I wanted to do it, I know I would never hurt a child but with all the anxiety I feel when I think about it I'm starting to wonder if I did do it because I wanted to hurt her, I don't wanna be a p, I don't wanna hurt innocent children, I used to never have these thoughts but now I do and I'm so scared to tell my therapist as she hasn't diagnosed me with ocd yet. I don't want her to think I'm a p nor do I wanna hurt kids, but my brain keeps telling me that I do and that I'm just lying to myself and everyone around me, ik I would never do something that could harm a child but I keep getting these thoughts and their inappropriate and I just want them to stop, does anyone have any tips on how to help myself? I keep turning to my boyfriend for reassurance but ik that that's just a quick fix and that ill be spiraling about it again.Please help

happygirl15

Date posted: 13w

POCD/ Intrusive thoughts & Images

so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?

POCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

pocd vent

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community